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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit perturbed by somebody taking a small girl to the gents loo?

139 replies

FourArms · 27/10/2008 09:29

On a family day out last Saturday, I saw a bloke take a small girl (over 5, under 10 - rubbish with ages!) into the blokes loo. I think that there was some kind of single dad's trip on - lots of blokes with kids came off a coach at the same time. I can understand him not letting her go to the ladies by herself, but there was a vacant disabled/baby changing loo which they could have used.

I've got no problems with boys of any age being taken by their mums into the ladies - there's nothing to see after all, but I'm not sure about a girl being taken into the gents where she might see other blokes using the urinals.

AIBU to be a bit wierded out by this? Luckily for me I've got two boys, so will continue to take them to the ladies with me / use a disabled loo as appropriate. I know that there was another thread about letting boys use a gents by themselves recently, but this feels a bit different to me.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 27/10/2008 21:45

sorry think you sound like a nutter in this post

i'm sure you aren't rweally

why not try switching off and switching back on to see how you feel then

vvunreasonable

Thomcat · 27/10/2008 21:48

Hopefully you'll feel better about a dad taking his daughter to the loo now FourArms and hopefully you will be less unreasonable in the future

DontKillMeBaby · 27/10/2008 22:28

Blimey. Never even occurred to me that someone might look askance at DH taking DD into the loos. Good job, or I'd have to take her every time, and then it'd be MY food going cold at the table. But I figure you match the sex of the grown-up to the loos - I do think that a man taking his DD to the ladies' isn't on, and neither is sending your son into the ladies on his own. And as for insisting that mum takes DS to the ladies' cos the gents' loos (ALL gents loos) aren't clean enough - that DH is onto a winner isn't he? His dinner won't be going cold.

PottyCock · 27/10/2008 22:32

lol, an mn classic.

what the f else should the poor guy have done!

FrankAwenstein · 27/10/2008 22:37

yabu fgs tis perfectly normal.

PottyCock · 27/10/2008 22:37
forevercleaningwithmybesoms · 27/10/2008 22:45

YABU - he had no choice and probably did not want her to go alone into the ladies. This way he could keep an eye on her.

FrankAwenstein · 27/10/2008 22:45

lol - is that you poppy in disguise again? I keep flitting into mn at this time of nite.. when i should be climbing those stairs

nappyaddict · 27/10/2008 22:47

don't see the problem.

PottyCock · 27/10/2008 22:47

nope, it's another one! keeping my cocky name though have grown strangely attached to it (something to do with penis envy, perhaps )

sleepycatonabroomstick · 27/10/2008 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EightiesChick · 27/10/2008 23:30

The OP has been heavily criticised here but, while I agree that it ought to be fine for a man to take his small daughter to the gents with him, it is common for people to think that's a bit odd, so she is hardly unusual. Obviously MNers are a very enlightened bunch but I think a lot of people do tacitly assume that taking kids to the toilet if women's work, for some of the reasons mentioned - gents being less hygienic, moral panics about paedophilia, all that. As a result, men and women get a bad deal, and men really can't win whichever toilet they use.

In one large store that's recently opened near me, they have 'family' toilets as well as the ladies, gents, disabled and baby change rooms, which seems like the best solution to me as there's plenty of room to get a parent, child and potentially a buggy in there. It's a shame that so few places actually have any kind of commitment to providing good, clean public toilets. There has recently been an MPs' report about how bad this has got that recommended councils should be made to do more - AFAIK councils are no longer obliged to provide public toilets at the level they used to be. It probably sounds like a trivial matter to many people but it isn't at all (speaking as someone with a medical condition where good toilet access is important). We should all be pushing for better toilet facilities for everyone.

Original poster
FourArms · 28/10/2008 05:27

Well, I went to a different place yesterday, which had just the sort of loos that 80'schick was describing. They were labelled children's toilets/disabled toilets/baby changing and it was a room with 4 cubicles, all disabled friendly and with changing mats dotted round the outside. Ideal for everyone!

Now that I'm much more enlightened about the lack of willy waving that goes on, I don't think I'd worry so much about a little girl going in there. However, human body or not, I'm still not entirely sure that a little girl should be seeing a load of willies doing a wee if they could be seen. Maybe that makes me prudish? I wouldn't have said that I was, but there you go. The hygiene angle is interesting and something that I've never even considered. If we're out with DH, then he takes DS1 to the loo if needs be (I have no DD's). I usually do DS2 who's still in nappies. However, DH is usually away, so I normally sort both of them. Although I'm not keen on the state of men's loos (have cleaned a few in my time with bar work and working at McD's), I don't think me taking them to the ladies because of this is a valid option. Hopefully if they were too gross, then DH would have the sense to find somewhere different.

OP posts:
DustyTv · 28/10/2008 05:43

I have only read the op....but here goes.

Double standards spring to mind.

So if there isn't a baby chaning room (and not all have toilets in them) and the disabled toilet is being used then where is a dad supposed to take his DD to use the toilet.

Also surely she undersatnds that men have a willy and has no doubt seen her dads, I also doubt that she would come to any unwanted attention/harm with her dad there FGS.

BroccoliSpears · 28/10/2008 07:09

YABU. And may I add, WTF?

I suppose you'd be horrified to learn that my dh often takes our daughter swimming . I think it's fair to assume she's seen a johnson or two in the male changing rooms. I'll arrange counselling asap.

titfortwat · 28/10/2008 11:50

Dh takes our DD to the mens' bogs. Only thing that freaks me is that these toliets tend to be gross and stink to high heaven.

I never thought in a million years that it would ever offend anyone.

If he ever left her outside or let her go to the toliet on her own , I would go mad. Poor bloke.

rbrand · 28/10/2008 13:05

Not really worried who takes who to the toilets, as long as child is with parent. But... it's not a big deal seeing daddies or brothers willie. Yet it
don't mean thay wanna get a glimse of a total strangers willie if they can help it. I'm not a prude, besides I'm using Russell Brand as my nickname.

Cheesesarnie · 29/10/2008 14:02

4arms-i think for research you should go stand in the mens loo and see how many willies you can spot.
also ladies loos arent clean.you need to do the hover.

BigBadMouseInHauntedHouse · 29/10/2008 14:09
MsHighwater · 29/10/2008 14:11

My dh regularly takes dd (3) to the loo when out - and not just when he's on his own with her. We take turns. The only time there's ever been a problem was when once or twice he came back and asked me to take her to the Ladies because the Gents was none too fragrant or clean.

Cheesesarnie · 29/10/2008 14:12

BigBadMouseInHauntedHouse.i dont do willies.eurgh

BigBadMouseInHauntedHouse · 29/10/2008 14:15

...

Turniphead1 · 29/10/2008 14:27

One of my best friends died at the end of last year - leaving 2 little boys and a little girl, now 5. They live in another country so I don't see them as often as I would like. Their father is now their sole carer.

But it just about broke my heart when she went to stay with her Aunt this summer - and when in a cafe she bagan to jump with joy upon realising her Aunt was about to take her to the girls toilets.

Some men don't have any choice about asking their wife or partner to take their little girl to the toilet.

Cheesesarnie · 29/10/2008 14:51

Turniphead1

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/10/2008 19:16

OP YABU

the girl needed a wee and her daddy took her

maybe the toilet was empty from men peeing at the time or if not sure that he used a cubicle and didnt hold child above spread legged over urinal

turnip - how sad