AIBU to think I'm not a terrible person for leaving my terminally ill partner?

[Averyverybadperson]

I've been in a relationship with a serial cheater for several years. Now, I've said it. I've never been particularly attractive to men, objectively speaking, and I've always struggled to find relationships, so I tend to cling to the few I've managed to have, even when I know really shouldn't. I know, very healthy.

I was the breadwinner in this relationship. I brought in roughly 5x and he has three children to pay maintenance for, so I covered pretty much all our living expenses.

In the last few weeks, two things happened in quick succession.

I discovered yet another affair. I've honestly lost count, but I think this was number six or seven. The other woman, or rather girl, as she's only 19, sent me photos and screenshots I desperately wish I could unsee. He'd told her he loved her and wanted to marry her immediately.

What made this one spectacularly bad for some reason was the financial on top of the physical and emotional cheating. It turned out he'd been paying her rent while I was paying all our expenses as he said he has some debts to pay off.

Then, within 2 weeks, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's a condition that will probably leave him severely disabled within a year and is likely to end his life within five. He is likely to have very significant care needs very soon.

I finally found it in myself to end the relationship and have given him until the new year to move out.

He's made a couple of social media posts about his diagnosis, ("sharing awareness" style) mentioning that I've ended the relationship but that he doesn't blame me, as he's about to become a "liability" and can't work anymore. He also made a point of saying that he'll be homeless from the New Year because I've asked him to move out.

I'm now the awful woman who abandoned a man as soon as he became seriously ill, leaving him with no place to live and no financial support.

To everyone else, he's this charming, kind, jovial man. And yes he genuinely can be all those things. But there's another side to him that they haven't had to live with.

Some of the things people have said to me have been absolutely vicious. I've never felt so hurt or so alone in my life.

I don't even know what my AIBU.

AIBU to think that ending a relationship after years of repeated infidelity doesn't suddenly make me a bad person just because he has become seriously ill at the same time?

Not her problem.

Hes the one who cheated and withheld money to pay his girlfriends rent!

It's a company benefit provided through salary sacrifice, and live-in partners or spouses are covered at no additional cost (but need to be named). There's no need for him to remain on the policy to receive treatment, as his claim is determined by his eligibility at the time it was made.

He's paying rent on a place so surely has somewhere to go?

Were you there when he got his diagnosis? Please do not let him stay in your house . He is obviously a master manipulator and he has done a grand job on you. Get him out quick!

Indeed it's not, but I could see it leading to more "sad face" SM posts from him and next thing you know someone would be organising a Go Fund me for the obnoxious man, because he had been cut off by his heartless partner!

I think it's a room in a shared flat, but i dont know that 100%. What I do know for certain is that it's not in his name.

❤️❤️❤️❤️🤣

@Averyverybadperson

Reply in the comments exactly why you’re leaving him. Cause a shit storm.

Yes, it’s tacky AF but I wouldn’t be letting the bastard get away with that.

No need to feel guilty. You should have done it years ago. Tell all these people how he's treated you all these years.

This sounded very sad, until you said that this relationship is just 3.5 years long. Don’t you have any friends prior to this relationship?

Either way, if you lose these, they’re not good friends and they certainly aren’t long-term friends. Let them go, and make some changes to your life to build friendships that aren’t relationship-dependent.

I feel very sorry for the position you are in but you also seem unable to stand up for yourself and would rather lose your friendship group etc. rather than just tell the truth.
You don't need to be nasty. Just ask a few of your friends to meet you and explain the truth, showing them your evidence.
As the time gets nearer to his move out date, he will up the pressure and I'm sure you will cave if you don't take a stand now.

Comment that is not the diagnosis it’s the seventh affair.

We'd known each other for about 12 years in total, I think. So our mutual friendships long predate our relationship.

Surely he has ended your relationship by saying he wants to marry someone else. That was his choice. You're just acting on his decision. No one would expect you to stay if they knew that.

Yes cry on the shoulder of the biggest gossip and also considering posting under his post thanking him for the compliments and that you hope he and X are very happy together.

I would be sharing the screenshots onto his post so that people know the real reason you’ve finished with him, he has treated you like shit, now go live your life without the burden of a cheating prick

Your title intially made me think - how cruel. HOWEVER having read your post I don't think you're being unreasonable AT ALL. Well done for leaving this toxic crap behind. You having nothing to feel guilty about.

You are absolutely not a terrible person and you have no duty to take care of a man who has treated you with so little respect or care. He has used you for three and a half years, don't let him do it any longer.

And I would absolutely call out his lies on social media, whether you do it by replying online or in person. There's no reason he should get away with traducing your character to your mutual friends when he's a cheating scumbag.

Lots of men entering their Find Out era. I'm loving that for them.

Definitely set the record straight. Something like “as you may not know, we previously split up in Jan due to X’s infidelity. Unfortunately, I’ve caught him cheating again, this time with a 19yo he wants to marry. He has, or rather I have, as I found out, been paying her rent. As such, our relationship is untenable. These two occasions are not the only time. Of course the timing is unfortunate, nonetheless I am sure you can understand why things have ended. I do have evidence but am not prepared to plaster it over social media” @Averyverybadperson

You don’t owe anyone an explanation or anything but if if you care what they think just agree with them and say you are so glad he has a new young wife to be lined up who will be only too happy to look after a dying philander.
Spend your hard earned money on yourself and erase him from your mind.

I agree. Why take the flak?

Post the chat messages between him and the other woman directly into those messages he’s posting and tell him to gtfo immediately.

If there is pictures of nudity or anything you need to remove those do you don’t get in trouble legally.

He’s an absolute cunt and his medical issues and housing issues aren’t yours. He’s been shitting where he’s eating so to speak and you don’t owe him anythin.

Share the screen shots with us. We'll share them and tag him for you.
What a twat.

Just tell everyone he had found a new partner just before his diagnosis which is true!