My teenage son and his attitude to my relationship

[creatorcure]

I live an hour away from
my partner of a year. We see one another overnight once per week for 24-36 hours and then have a coffee/ walk on an evening midweek .
My 16 year old child has an issue with this. He refuses to engage in any activity outside the home except for walking the dog. Doesn’t meet friends , just wants me around all the time and has just accused me f being a shit mother essentially and asked why I had kids when’
im always gone’. My
other kids are thrilled for me . I’ve solo
parented all my life .. even when married but have done it completely on my own for the last eight years where I was fully
committed to my children and my work to support them.
I am sick to death of this child trying to control my life. I have so so little going on outside my home and I have probably finally met the live of my life where I am treated with such kindness, respect and love and my son kicks off.. again!!
Im emotional tonight as I’ve just received another tirade of verbal abuse but am I being unreasonable here???

@WhatNoRaisinsThis exactly what the professionals say. He wants to go to uni and build a life he said.

The majority of domestic abusers are also abusive and controlling to their mothers and sisters. I get that technically he is a child but he very soon won’t be and he sounds very troubled and controlling. OP putting her life on hold even further isn’t going to help. He has been like this since before she got a partner. When does it end? He sounds the type to never move out of home, continuing to control and manipulate his mum, stopping her from having any life of her own. I totally understand why the OP is fed up. The fact that her other children seem to have turned out very different shows that she’s not a shit parent.

I think that 24/36 hours every week is too much. Wait another couple of years for that

I think he’s clearly struggling and pushing him away even further by making him feel abandoned is only going to cause everyone more distress

This isn’t an “ average “ 16 year old and actually I don’t know know any 16 year olds who are left once a week for an overnight and 2 days with only siblings to take care of him

Siblings who he seems to hate and one hates him back

That’s really lax parenting

It would be different if he was with his other parent or even an adult relative but not with siblings a few years older

I think I’d still have the odd overnight but say you will always give him the ability to ask you to stay home on a give night if he is anxious with the proviso that he stays home too @creatorcure I bet he wouldn’t exercise the right that often but when he did has to give you the same grace and not go out. Might make him think and also be reassured that you can’t control people for control’s sake … you could also offer the odd ‘come with me this time’. It may just be a phase that you can get through.

I don't think this would work. He only wants to spend time with OP so given the choice of vetoing her going anywhere would just result in OP never going anywhere.

This what OP said: We go for an hour walk every single day ,
make dinner , eat together and then he sits beside me on the settee for the rest of the night until I go to bed . At weekends, we go walking,
play tennis, hike, swim, go for breakfast or
lunch, have take away food, watch films, visit family, do some
shopping, clean the house , do odd jobs .. we do lots of things and he is always with me when I am not with partner for the 24 hours.

He would literally exercise it all the time.

This what OP said: We go for an hour walk every single day ,
make dinner , eat together and then he sits beside me on the settee for the rest of the night until I go to bed . At weekends, we go walking,
play tennis, hike, swim, go for breakfast or
lunch, have take away food, watch films, visit family, do some
shopping, clean the house , do odd jobs .. we do lots of things and he is always with me when I am not with partner for the 24 hours
.
How do you cope with this? It seems like you don't get a moment alone unless you're asleep! That would drive me insane. What happens when you tell him you want to read alone in your room and does he still sit and watch TV programmes he's not into? Does he envisage an independent

Posters have been too hard on you. Ignore them.

I do not get to go to my room alone . He waits until I turn off the light . He only stopped sleeping in my bed about two years ago . He listens to my calls and reads my phone . I will be deleting this soon so thanks for everything , everybody.

Ok, well he needs help op. This isn't really just about the partner; it's a whole broader issue.

Good luck OP. I hope things can get better for you.

You are in an abusive relationship with your son. Women's Aid or any other domestic abuse organisation near you. Get in touch tomorrow. I actually feel quite scared for you OP. Nobody in authority is taking this seriously. Plus you're being scolded on here by guilt-tripping posters. Try the Relationships or Parents of Adult children threads.