My teenage son and his attitude to my relationship

[creatorcure]

I live an hour away from
my partner of a year. We see one another overnight once per week for 24-36 hours and then have a coffee/ walk on an evening midweek .
My 16 year old child has an issue with this. He refuses to engage in any activity outside the home except for walking the dog. Doesn’t meet friends , just wants me around all the time and has just accused me f being a shit mother essentially and asked why I had kids when’
im always gone’. My
other kids are thrilled for me . I’ve solo
parented all my life .. even when married but have done it completely on my own for the last eight years where I was fully
committed to my children and my work to support them.
I am sick to death of this child trying to control my life. I have so so little going on outside my home and I have probably finally met the live of my life where I am treated with such kindness, respect and love and my son kicks off.. again!!
Im emotional tonight as I’ve just received another tirade of verbal abuse but am I being unreasonable here???

Who is caring for your son while you're away? Or is it when he's at his dad's? Or is your partner visiting you?

If you're away for 36 hours whilst he would be with you it doesn't seem appropriate, he's only 16.

His 23 year old and 19 year old siblings are here with him . Do you seriously think that 16 is too young to be left overnight ???

'Sick to death of this child?'

He can sense that you are tossing him aside for a man. Look how you speak about him. He will no doubt be picking uo on your attitude and feeling of resentment towards him.

He’s home alone whilst you spend 36 at your partners place? He’s only 16 so I think that’s unreasonable if that’s the case.

Why can’t your partner come to you so he’s not alone?

You sound quite negative towards your son . Maybe he’s picking up on this vibe ?

you don’t give enough info about him to give much of a say wither way tbh .

So gone for weekends? Do you still have family time together on weekends?

‘Sick to death of this child trying to control
my life’ is the quote @Greenmouldycheese

Your son shouldn’t be verbally abusing you, but being away from home 1 night every week when he’s home even if he’s with his older siblings isn’t good parenting IMO. Why can’t your partner stay at your house 1 night a week? That way you’re not away every week. Or stay out when your son is at his dad’s?

Your post suggests that you have a struggling 16 year old son.
It's not usual for a teen this age to just want to be around their mum all the time, never leave the house to see friends etc. I'd be worried.

You don't deserve abuse but I don't think the way you talk about him is very nice either.

And at 16, it isn't necessarily unreasonable to leave him with his siblings overnight but I do understand that, at that age, he might still want a parent around.

Om
gone on Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon or Friday evening until
sat after noon. I am with my
children each evening after they finish school/ college bar one. My partner visits us once a week and we all have dinner or a chat .

That doesnt make it sound any better. You're his mother and should be parenting him imstead of going for 36 hours every week.

My mum used to take my brother on holiday and leave me for a week at 16

My children’s dad has nothing to do with his children. When I am
not away I am with my
son and others nearly all the time .

It is not positive parenting to leave a 16yo every week to spend time at your boyfriend's, no.

Children know when they are being appropriately prioritised. If you had to leave him for work he'd understand.

He sounds really unhappy.

Does he like your partner?

What is happening at home when you stay out? I'm not saying you're wrong but I wonder if something is going on with him. Have you had a good chat with him?

Do you not realise how horrible that sounds? This is your child that you're talking about. He didn't ask you to give birth to him.

That's a long time to bail out of your child's life every week just at a crucial time for him.

We’ve had plenty of chats and I’ve tried to get to the bottom of this but the bottom
line is that he just wants me at home with him at all times . It’s simply that. He gets on v well with my partner. He is included in our walks, dinners , films etc

Most kids want their parents to be parenting, it's not unusual. If he was 18 you'd have a point but he's only 16.

Your DS has a point.

16 isn’t too young to be left alone overnight in exceptional circumstances. It is too young to be left alone every weekend. Not because they’re too young to look after themselves /manage with siblings it’s just a lot of prioritising your needs over his.

I say this as a mum who is on her 4th 16 year old

It does sound awful that I am sick of him
trying to control my
life but this is just another area of my
life that my son tries to control and im
exhausted from it and feel completely controlled and drained from his behaviour. He wants everything in the home on his terms including being abusive to us all and the. When I give in and don’t go to my partners because he wants me literally sitting beside him for the day and night , he may decide to go out and meet friends .

OP you're dripfeeding to make him sound worse but he wants you at home because he needs your awareness and attention to support his sense of stability and self. You need to give him enough of your time that he stops panicking and trying to grab all of it. He's a child. You cannot leave him every weekend.

That doesn't mean there isn't a reasonable compromise to be reached, or that he's behaving with perfect reason and decorum (he's not, he's 16), but it is going to need to start with putting him ahead of your partner.

I genuinely never thought that going away overnight for 24 hours was such a huge deal when I am
literally with my children at all other times outside of school . Genuinely! Thank you.

I am absolutely not drip feeding . I would have thought that my original post gave enough information to know that my
Child though not deliberately , is extremely
controlling of me and I find it very difficult .