To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

[NothingDefinite]

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

👏👆

How much “time together” will OP get if she’s stuck in the kitchen cooking serving and cleaning up for 15 people, compared to sitting round a table being served food and having time to relax and chat??
FGS.

But the OP has said NUMEROUS times she doesn't want to host anyway 😕

Ffs.

Read the OP posts. They always go out for Xmas dinner. Half sister knew the costs and paid the deposit. OP doesn’t want to cook for 15 people. Doesn’t matter if you find it “easy”.

I cook for 12 people in standard kitchen of a small house quite often, but I wasn't talking about cooking Christmas dinner, I was specifically talking about OP accommodating 15 people in her house, as in she has 15 people staying in the house over the Christmas period no trouble at all, where she happily provides all the food and drink for everyone.

My point is, there is a reason her family see her as a meal ticket, and are now not happy with her saying she doesn't want to cook dinner or pay for the people who can't afford it, pretending OP is doing all this out of a 3 bed semi and saving up for it all year is pretty ridiculous.

Most families would not expect this from their relatives.

I'm imagining OP lives in the Home Alone house 😂

I assume it’s to make it easier to differentiate between the 2 sisters so no one gets confused who OP is talking about. OP, sister (ok) half sister (CF).

Tell your Mum if she wants your sister to have a free home made Christmas lunch there is nothing stopping her providing it.

I’d be saying anyone who isn’t coming for the Xmas lunch out and is making their own arrangement, we will see you on Boxing Day!

No way would I be leaving a resentful, entitled half sibling and family with kids unsupervised in my home while we go out for lunch.

Your mum is suggesting that you pay for FIVE meals in addition to your own family's!!! That's a bit of a cheek.

However, if five people out of the party can't now afford it, the meal out is ruined, anyway. If you want family harmony, cook and host at home. If you want to be right instead of happy, go out without sis and her family.

Sorry, OP. The situation's very awkward.

It’s in the first line of the OP

(mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) it says AND their families.

So no it’s not a poor single young student sister.

you want to be right instead of happy, go out without sis and her family.
Sorry, OP. The situation's very awkward.

Why can't OP be both right AND happy by having her Christmas at a hotel without the freeloaders instead of pandering to them?

I don't know where you'd get Xmas dinner at 50 pounds a head. It's at least double that round here.

£50 is just the lost DEPOSIT CrazyMidget

I wonder if your mum has paid for her to attend before when it's been their turn? That is why she thinks nothing of asking you to pay when it's "your turn"?

Maybe this has happened before when your half sister has joined you all, but you just don't know it, she knows if she says she can't afford it, the host will offer to pay rather than be the one saying they can't come then.

Just a thought, my sister used to low level guilt my mum in this way too and my mum always caved, it annoyed her, but she still caved rather than see them miss out.

I know it is more than that. In fact the OP has already said that the meal will be £140 per head for adults, less for children.

I was referring to the deposit which will presumably be forfeited if they cancel. However, having gone back to check I realise I misread and the deposit is not £50 per head after all. She said her half-sisters share of the deposit was £50. So not quite as much as I thought.

Another compromise: Ask your half-sis how much she can pay. She's saying that she now can't afford five Xmas Day meals out. OK, how many can she afford? Surely she could afford one or two, seeing that she knew it was coming up. Then, you and your mum could split the cost of the rest.

We wouldn’t be happy staying home and cooking for 15 people. Is it just their happiness that counts and we should sacrifice our own?

We will already be providing them with somewhere to stay, all food, drinks and snacks for the days they’re here so we will be doing a lot of cooking and hosting. On Christmas Day, I don’t want to do that. I want to relax.

I get it. This is what happens when one person changes all the plans - there is no solution which will make everyone happy.

Tell her to host it at her house then. I assume she's expecting to turn up to yours or you mums and eat and drink and be waited on for free, is she? Cheeky bitch.

Honestly the people going.. how expensive..just cook at home.. are completely missing the point. You are absolutely not being unreasonable… question is how are going to respond? I think someone suggested a polite diplomatic message saying the meal out would going ahead as planned. Seems like the best option. How will that land do you think?

Thank you. I’m not sure how it’s caused such confusion. I mentioned both sisters AND their families in my OP. I didn’t realise I needed to say my sister, her partner and 2 kids and my half sister, her partner and 3 kids otherwise I’d be accused by some of drip feeding.

It’s also strange that some people just come on to say going out on Xmas day it’s a waste of money and they would never pay it, to talk about the size of my house or to assume she’s poor and I’m rich.

Also people picking up on me calling her my half sister. It’s what she is so I don’t see an issue but it was to differentiate between her and my sister. Maybe I needed to sat sister A and sister B but I have seen people moan about posters using A and B on other threads.

We had similarish. During covid we were all just us and DC anyway, which broke the pattern.. so we stopped doing the actual day and instead had a buffet gathering during the festive season.. Made quite a big buffet but everyone also brought something. The almost grown up younger generation really preferred this. Maybe something along those lines?

You'll get support on here because posters can't imagine being short of £300. For a lot of families that's completely out of reach. Credit has already been used to afford Christmas.
You aren't close, you know nothing about her family, it sounds as though this is for your Mum's benefit. A solution would be for them to come Christmas night, but then who can be bothered travelling after having a Christmas dinner? I don't think that you should pay. I can't get the full dilemma because I'm not fussed about roast dinners, neither are my grandchildren. So if we couldn't pay for the genuinely skint. We'd sort a dinner out, while you were gone. It looks like it might just be you and your sister going. You need to get back to your Mum, say you won't or can't afford to? pay, so what is the next solution. All join up boxing day?

Bang on.

I don't think one person should be able to do this and it launches an avalanche. As they say you can't please everyone, so you should please yourself. There are alternatives which reasonable people should be happy with and you are hosting them staying with you for the rest of the time. They can come on boxing day and be hosted and still see everyone.

It was me that mentioned you being rich or living in a big house, because in fairness why else would your family feel entitled to spend your money?

There seems to be a weird dynamic going that what's yours is theirs, but what's theirs is theirs.

So do you live in the Home Alone house or not? 😂