Dh like a bad cloud

[Peopledecoratingforxmasalready]

Yesterday we were doing a neighbourhood activity for the kids, we do each year. I organise it all and others enjoy it. It's not lots of work, but does take some organising, shopping for supplies and so on. I'd planned it all last week, the only thing I needed help with was Dh dropping off small bags to around five different neighbours, whilst I sorted Dc and got myself ready.
He knows the neighbours well, they knew we'd drop it off and it's literally a 2 minute job.
His face was like thunder, stomping around saying 'Which houses is it then?!' I said there was a list on top of the printer, which he scoffed at, pulled an awful face and then couldn't find. I lost it with him and asked him exactly what was the problem, that I'd organised all this for the kids and just needed this one bit of help and that this was supposed to be a fun time. Dd came running in and said she didn't want to do it now as we were arguing. It was horrible. We had to put a happy face on as were then mixing with the neighbours, I also noticed the other dads being fun and more helpful.

What do you think is the problem here? I just find it so pathetic and don't understand it

It sounds like something you want to do more than him. Also, if he knows the neighbours well, it wouldn't have been just a two minute jobs - if it where ours, it'd be a minimum of two minutes at each, catching up and mentioning something local.

His aim was to make it so uncomfortable for you to ask for even this, that you won't do it again.

No other over the top organisation that he has to be involved in, a 5 minute job, if that.

I can tell he recognises what a twat he's been as is making dinner (waits for me to do it) and has done the washing.
I've been lay down as no way I'm running around

If so, the aim has been achieved as obviously i'm not going through that misery next year and letting him bring it down, so yeah, he gets out of it

Jesus Christ, only read the first page but these answers!

If you can't do a quick, simple job to support you spouse in something they are doing to create a nice experience for the kids and community then you are a pretty shit life partner and family partner. Good relationships are built on supporting each other in the things that are important to the other.

OP, your H is like that as he couldn't give a crap about what is important to you.

Sorry that your H is such a monumentally selfish shit.

Your DH is being pathetic. Why can’t he do a 5 min job?

Since has when has doing something for the children including his own, once a year being such a ballache?
Sometimes parents just have to go along with things for the sake of their kids.

Surely in a relationship or marriage, you sit down and ask at a later date what the issue is. No one on MN knows your DH so have you sat him down once your child is in bed and asked him, so you don’t have the same issue next year? Discuss it, sort it out and make it clear that you didn’t think it was a big deal to ask for help. He will tell you what the issue was and then you can either work through it, ignore the behaviour from him or decide his reasoning is shit and get rid of him. Doing nothing just allows this to fester and doesn’t sort anything, which affects your child.

The problem is that he’s a miserable, selfish toad.

Made dinner and did the washing! All might be forgiven in my house if that was the outcome!

Mine wouldn’t do it in a million years. It’d be a flat: Noooo

And that is nice for you, but as a PP pointed out, why not get the other parents involved if they are so fun and helpful?

If it is your choice to organise this event then that’s fine but putting yourself through stress and dragging everyone else in just because it’s for the kids and so people think you are a good person is also your choice,

Ffs, you can't do anything without it being so people think you're being a good person and that's the motive? How sad to be so cynical
I do it because, however selfishly, it makes my Dc happy, which makes me happy, a nice side effect is that some other kids have fun too. I enjoy doing it, it's no biggie for me, all I asked was help with one, small job

Op we only have your version how many other things do you organise and then dictate to dh to do

Would his version of all this be different

Came on to say more or less this. My XH was like this. Wouldn’t put himself out. Wouldn’t do anything unless he wanted to or it benefitted him specifically.

No thought for others or for his DCs.

To me it depends if one parent make a decision then tried to hide behind 'i am doing it for the children so you have to do what I say' it would be controlling no matter male or female made the decision

Tell him next time he needs a hand with something that's important to him, you'll put on the same sort of performance that he did, upset the children, make work for him, and basically behave like a stroppy 13 year old, and he can see how he likes it.

But he is clearly not as into it as you are. Of course he might have just been in a mood.

Why can’t you get help from all the lovely enthusiastic parents who attended? Presumably their kids benefit from it so I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.

The reason I think you are trying to be a ‘good person’ is that it is just the impression I am getting from your posts.

Next year get others involved 🤷‍♀️

OP, he's a selfish arse.
You sound lovely and were doing a nice thing.
Like lots of selfish men he just can't be arsed with this part of parenting where you do things that are lovely for the children.
These men spoil childhoods.
Are you happily married?
Is this part ofca pattern of behaviour?
If it is, detach from him and get on with things yourself.
Focus on the children.
Stop doing anything for him.
Protect yourself and the children from him and his selfishness.
Thats all you can do.
Then take time to decide if you want to remain married to him.

Let him get out of it next year by you kicking his miserable lazy arsed grump out. If he doesn't want to participate in his children's lives then let him go live in a bedsit by himself. Stop doing anything for him, no cooking, no washing, nothing. Family life is about mucking in together and being supportive. YANBU and I'm actually angry on your behalf.

For heaven’s sake. Why are you arguing the toss here? This is her DH. She asked him to do ONE JOB for an event she had organised that benefitted his DC. Whether or not he particularly wanted to do it is irrelevant. You’d think he’d want to help because a) it’s his wife and b) it’s his kid.

But no. To top it all, he then has to put a face on that then ruins the night for everyone and makes sure everyone knows that he’s not happy, the fucking selfish cunt.

Sadly he’s not alone. The world is full of similarly minded men - and it is usually men - who think only of themselves and wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.

You choose to do this he obviously doesn’t want to be involved.

Bet he’ll want to be involved in having a lovely dinner, full fridge, nice gifts, happy children, festive house at Christmas. Without lifting a finger! And ready to ruin it, too, for everyone…

They are involved and everyone helps each other out, so how he can't help for this tiny bit, Ive no idea.
I don't care if you're miserable and bitter enough to think i'm doing it for that reason, when ive told you i'm not, it's dangerous to do that as it stops some people continuing to try to do fun things for the fear of being looked at like that, it also takes any joy out of people. If you're mean and miserable that's fine, don't attempt to make me the same way!

I can't get over how many people are defending the poor DH being asked to perform a small task to help out an activity for his kids. Of course the OP isn't being unreasonable. She's doing something nice for her kids and the neighbours kids.
It's not her hobby, she's not trying to make herself look good - for goodness sake, what is wrong with people? I'm assuming those of you who think dropping off a few small parcels is such hard work are the ones who never volunteer to do anything and leave others to do it all. Sadly, far too many of those type of people about when it comes to kids activities.