Dh like a bad cloud

[Peopledecoratingforxmasalready]

Yesterday we were doing a neighbourhood activity for the kids, we do each year. I organise it all and others enjoy it. It's not lots of work, but does take some organising, shopping for supplies and so on. I'd planned it all last week, the only thing I needed help with was Dh dropping off small bags to around five different neighbours, whilst I sorted Dc and got myself ready.
He knows the neighbours well, they knew we'd drop it off and it's literally a 2 minute job.
His face was like thunder, stomping around saying 'Which houses is it then?!' I said there was a list on top of the printer, which he scoffed at, pulled an awful face and then couldn't find. I lost it with him and asked him exactly what was the problem, that I'd organised all this for the kids and just needed this one bit of help and that this was supposed to be a fun time. Dd came running in and said she didn't want to do it now as we were arguing. It was horrible. We had to put a happy face on as were then mixing with the neighbours, I also noticed the other dads being fun and more helpful.

What do you think is the problem here? I just find it so pathetic and don't understand it

Your last line made me laugh. Thanks, ha ha…

I don’t get it though, he had a huff on about it, fine that’s his issue, but haven’t you turned it into something more by losing it with him.

It all feels very dramatic if it is a one off, and if it isn’t then why do you bother with him?

I’m not perfect, I’m chewy with my husband all of the time, but he doesn’t lose it with me otherwise it would be a massive argument, I cool off then apologise…roles reversed the same happens.

If he is doing it all the time though then you neee to have a word with him I sort out the attitude, I couldn’t be bothered with someone like this all of the time

A bit unfair! I imagine op is doing this for the dc and the local dc, not for her own entertainment. Family life requires everyone to pull together sometimes.

Life isn't an endurance of suffering just to keep some leech of a male around.
Rid yourself and enjoy life.

Yes. DH often says the house should be this way or that way. Or we should have / do this, that for Easter / Birthday / Christmas…

It’s in the same realm as our house should be like Y’s house, we should eat together as a family (he works shifts), X has more holidays…

My OH has just asked him to move furniture and content of cupboard because he's decided it need rearranging. I don't think it needs at all. It's something he has, himself, decided is a worthy activity.

I told him I wanted one hour to chill out after a full on day so far. He's annoyed with me because it's only a little ask that will take less than 45 mins. Yes, but I am not interested in what I see as a waste of my time.

If you have an idea of your own, you have to accept you might take on all the doing of it yourself.

Not saying that this makes it ok at all. My DH might have the grump doing a job like that because he’s an introvert and if not in the form, would find small talk with five neighbors an effort. But it’s very specific to that type of task, he does his share, including organising and putting up all the Halloween decorations:) but I would know that about him and prob do a job like that myself just because I’m more social. If you’re DH gets the grump every time you ask him to do anything, that’s a whole different story…

You quote "the bar for men" with literally every post.
If I was the husband, I would want to be left alone as well.
By the way, in my home, "the bar for men" is very high.
I don't work for living, neither do I have kids. Pension contributions paid etc.
Just give each other some space, so the marriage isn't like a prison.
😊

He sounds like a pain in the arse OP, but sorry, I am laughing at you describing this as a “neighbourhood activity”, as though you can’t say Halloween because it might be outing.

I would ask him was it the specific job you asked him to do, or the fact you asked him to do anything at all that was a problem @Peopledecoratingforxmasalready like you say, maybe it was something that he finds mortifying (I hate drawing attention to myself but will happily do other stuff). Not excusing it, just seeing if you can try something else another time. Then if he reacts the same you will know he thinks you shouldn’t ask his Majesty to help 🙄🤯

I could have written this. For my DH, it been about 2 years… Does this phase end? Because I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

He was being a twat

This is where you might be going wrong. The essential things have to be done like feeding, bathing, school run, reading etc. these should be shared out fairly. If it is obligatory extras like attending friends parties then you alternate who takes them.

When it comes to the optional 'fun' stuff you can pick and choose things to suit you. If it isn't something you want to do, ask dh if he is willing and if not then the activity doesn't happen.

Yep, and that's precisely why women get lumbered with doing every single house and child related job all the time - the lazy cunt of a man fucks it up/ has a hissy fit/sulks/fucks off out to the pub. In fact, if he does this often enough, the woman eventually realizes that since she's doing it all anyway, her life would be far easier if she did it all minus the man.

In your place OP, I'd simply stop making his meals, doing his laundry, cleaning up his mess or having sex with him. it would be tit for tat on a major scale until he proved that he actually wants to be a part of your family or takes the better option and fucks off permanently.

I’ve seen it with my dad & BIL. My mum & sister tolerate it, but I’m not sure if I can…

Great spot 👍🏻 I’ve used it a few times recently on posts about men being totally useless and/or horrible to their families!

This doesn’t regard your house specifically and I’m not sure what your pension contributions have to do with someone’s husband being a grumpy arse.

The party, the neighbours kids, Halloween, all red herrings. You asked your husband to give up 5 minutes of his day to do something you wanted him to do, and it was too much trouble. Which is a pretty rubbish attitude towards the person in your life you're meant to love and care about.

You keep saying it was literally 5 minutes so you didn't need to rope him in at all, you could have just done it yourself.

You probably spent longer arguing over it. Next time just leave the kids with him and nip out yourself. Job done.

except your words were lost it with him, and then your daughter came in cos she could hear you talking. talking calmly isn't losing it. so I wonder what his version of your tone and volume would be?

That’s the answer. Just do everything yourself.

Yep. I'm increasingly wondering why we bother.

It wasn't sudden. He knew about it well ahead of time as OP said they do the same thing every year. If he wasn't happy avout ut, he should have said way earlier than the day itself. And he should have thought it might have upset his kids to see him acting this way...

Some men are selfish shits. Yes women can be too but women put more effort into stuff that the kids enjoy so men have no right to be grumpy arses for virtually no reason.

Same