Dh like a bad cloud

[Peopledecoratingforxmasalready]

Yesterday we were doing a neighbourhood activity for the kids, we do each year. I organise it all and others enjoy it. It's not lots of work, but does take some organising, shopping for supplies and so on. I'd planned it all last week, the only thing I needed help with was Dh dropping off small bags to around five different neighbours, whilst I sorted Dc and got myself ready.
He knows the neighbours well, they knew we'd drop it off and it's literally a 2 minute job.
His face was like thunder, stomping around saying 'Which houses is it then?!' I said there was a list on top of the printer, which he scoffed at, pulled an awful face and then couldn't find. I lost it with him and asked him exactly what was the problem, that I'd organised all this for the kids and just needed this one bit of help and that this was supposed to be a fun time. Dd came running in and said she didn't want to do it now as we were arguing. It was horrible. We had to put a happy face on as were then mixing with the neighbours, I also noticed the other dads being fun and more helpful.

What do you think is the problem here? I just find it so pathetic and don't understand it

Not a fair comment.

I’m with you OP, but this is MN, people love to kick the OP and pretend they act completely reasonably at all times.

I wouldn’t read too much into the responses.

Mr Shite Moods here as well. Spent 5 mins trick or treating local houses, while I did the rest of the neighbourhood (and bought the sweets, did the costume & Halloween decorations). Then he buggered off home to chill. And then had a good shout at me over something minor, when we should have been enjoying DS opening his candy bag.

Same happened last Christmas. All the prep by me, up late doing Santa on Christmas Eve. Only for him to ruin the gift opening on Christmas morning, with his shite moods… All of that work & I didn’t even get to enjoy the moment. Once he’s all smiles again, it’s as if it didn’t even happen. I don’t want to do Christmas with him this year…

Yes, it's so selfish, so sorry you have similar. When I saw the other dads, it really made me reflect. I'd be embarrassed to contribute so little and to be so miserable about it in the process

He sounds like a right miserable sod.

I didn't upset my daughter

You enjoy doing it but you still expect to be able to delegate stuff to folk who might not enjoy doing it. Yabu.

Exactly. More of us are married to dickheads, OP. Solidarity. Fair play to those who aren’t!

It's awful, so sorry, so hard to constantly rise above it for the sake of Dc happiness

Ok so let’s just say we don’t do ANYTHING in a family we don’t want to do. What then? No birthday parties, nice events, days out?

This thread is batshit. That choosing to have a family and therefore being expected to pull together as a group sometimes is mad. The individualism here is off the charts, it really is.

Yep. It's part of being a parent

Yanbu.

There are posters on MN who fall over themselves to stick up for men like it is their full time job. I recognise one name on here already! Honestly, ignore.

For what it’s worth, if I knew you I would totally
help you next year! :-)

I don’t think partners realise how much this sort of grumpy ‘why should I?’ attitude hurts their loved ones, and erodes relationships over time by ‘death by a thousand cuts’.

Agreed! Do I want to make world book day costumes, or cheer DH on at his sporting events, or host PILs? Not really. Do I do it because we are a family and I chose to have one? Yes.

No doubt if OP said ‘AIBU to yell at DH as he asked me to help with wrapping Christmas presents and I don’t care about them?’ She would be told she was selfish.

Is it just because the lazy party here is male that he’s getting a free pass? Sadly I expect it is.

Yanbu at all, OP. Don't know why some posters think you are. Of course there is work involved in creating fun for kids and both parents should get involved. How is it between you now? How is it usually resolved when he acts like this?

Thank you so much x

You're completely right, all these little things over time...it kills something inside you

Seeing the lovely dads hurts too. We are good women who don’t deserve it. I hate when MN goes “why did you marry him” or “LTB”. There were a couple of nice boyfriends I might have married. At least I’d have a peaceful home-life. Anyway, you are a great mum!

I won't defend him. He sounds a grinch - or possibly abusive.

Well, we obviously had to put on a face as were socialising with friends. Then when they left, I stayed positive for Dd. Today he acted all jokly as though nothing had happened! I'm just having some quiet time away whilst Dd has gone to a friends

His behaviour was because you were doing something that wasn't about him. He doesn't sound very nice OP.

Yes I think this too
I always think that surely he must feel embarrassed being so angry about such a minor thing to do to help, when he sees these dads doing the basics with no fuss-that's normal!

I honestly don't think it was that, I think he either couldn't be arsed to make the effort to help or thought I should be doing it/was being cheeky asking or he had an issue going to the doors-felt embarrassed maybe

Ask him. Tell him his answer is really important, so he is not to snap or rage at you.

Plenty of men don't like women or having a kid, they just enter marriages because it makes their lives longer and easier, and kids are an inconvenient side effect of sex.

Society makes it easy for them to do fuck all or be lauded as 'amazing' or 'hands on'(wtf does that even mean) for doing less than the bare minimum.

It's fine to want more from life than some pointless whingeing nob.

I’ve noticed men expect women to simply ‘produce’ events and do all the invisible grunt work, and absolutely notice when we don’t do it (eg asking us where the kids costumes are because they’ve just assumed we’ve sorted it; or where presents are, or when the Christmas events are on), but when we expect them to actually contribute they suddenly make out they don’t actually care about said event and would happily go without it.

Not because they don’t want a Halloween/Christmas/Easter, but because it only matters insofar as whether we are willing to do everything to ‘produce’ it or not. Then they can look all reasonable by going ‘but I didn’t really want to do it’

@Peopledecoratingforxmasalready I'd ask him directly when you're both relaxing this weekend.

Don't be confrontational, say something like you were surprised that he was so annoyed about dropping off the bags yesterday, what was upsetting him? If he gets angry, defuse the situation by saying that you don't want to argue about something so minor, you just want to understand so it doesn't happen again. Perhaps you use a bossy tone with him, for example, and that irritates him, who knows.

One of DH's sisters was on the phone with him yesterday, (he had her on speaker) and I couldn't believe how bossy she was being, a proper dictator ordering a grown man around!

Of course, it may just be that your DH is a lazy sod, but he needs to own it.

Men don’t feel this kind of social embarrassment unfortunately.