AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

He rolled ham into a roll when he made me a salad like it was posh ... Instant turn off

Oh I forgot another fabulous one.

Went on a few days with a guy from work. All fine. He suggested going on a run together round the local park. He ran with his arms straight down. Completely parallel with his thighs including hands straight to as if he was pencilling into a swimming pool.

That ended before it even started. I laughed so hard and told him to pack it in as I thought he was messing about pretending to run like an absolute buffoon, but it was his actual run.

• Another guy would lick the inside of his crisp packet until there was literally nothing but spit left on it. That was nice.

• I think I said this on my previous thread but one guy I was dating used to say his initials ALL THE TIME. And say YES the TSG is on his way home from work! Woop!
Played pool with him and he would say 'another one for the TSG!'
didn't last long.

Not the cheap ham 🤣

Is it just me sitting here waiting for the rest?

The first two have already made me choke on my food.

He seemed cool, then I read an email he sent and he used stupid corporate jargon unnecessarily

sounded a right twat

I will try and find my old thread! It was under a different username but my word it was spectacular!

Ah, you've just reminded me of someone.

their email address was '[email protected]'

nothing big about it.

It’s not very funny, but he talked in the cinema when the film was on. I’ve had this issue with a new friend before too… went to the cinema together and they kept talking normal volume about the movie while we were watching it. It was worse than a loud eater

Two words - skid marks

He only ate breaded chicken.

Nothing else. At all. Ever.

I was seeing someone and after a while I spent the night at his. His room consisted of a bedside table and a mattress on the floor, he kept hitting his head on the radiator on the wall behind his mattress when he would lay down and it made me feel physically sick.

PSA: I could’ve left but I didn’t fancy ubering from one side of the river in London to the other past midnight and I didn’t know about the room situation until I entered it 😪

Christ I'm all for a minimalistic approach but that takes the piss

@BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust thanks OP I love these too along with ‘Tight Wad’ boyfriend stories

I stopped dating an otherwise plausible man because he had a bedroom which was ludicrously tidy and totally devoid of anything personal except for an 80s style Athena poster of a topless man holding a baby (many of you of a certain age will remember it).

The cringe factor overrode any lust or affection I had in a split second.

It later transpired that he ironed his pants so my instincts were definitely correct.

Nothing less sexy than an overly fastidious man.

The guy who would run with his hands and arms completely straight would also miss 4 steps of the staircase when he would go upstairs. He looked like some deranged orangutan. How he could so gracefully whimsically skidaddle around battersea park, running like a pencil, but so heavily throw himself up the stairs missing 4 steps at a time just completely dumbfounded me. This was stairs in a tube station too, may I add.

@BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust you have had some bad luck haven’t you ?

😂😂😂😂😂

Had been seeing a guy maybe a week, we went out for drinks on Christmas Eve and he told me he couldn’t wait to introduce me to his mum the next day - we had never spoken about spending Christmas at his house, he banged on way too much about how much his mum would love me, and it was all a bit Norman Bates for me.

Another guy on a blind date (set up by friends at work) gave me his home phone number and said he didn’t believe in mobiles?! This was 2012 and I didn’t realise people even used landlines still

Oh and one guy who tried to have full blown conversations with me whilst doing the deed. I finally lost it when he spent a whole sex session talking about his upcoming ski holiday, including what he was planning to have for dinner every night he was there. Boak

I sure have! I have had 3 years, nearly 4 of unimaginable shit luck. Some dates have been great but didn't work out.

I've had my fair share of weirdos. Some of these I've mentioned were years and years ago before I was married though.

Ugly shoes and not in a trendy way .
Wore black shirt with navy trousers . I made him change and never went out with him again.
Wore a baseball cap with a suit . Like Trump but years before .
Ate picallili ? on a chicken sandwich. In his cupboard was also a load of food in cans .
Didn't eat vegetables and referred to salad as rabbit food.

Did your last thread introduce us to Penetration Man?

i can't even imagine how you'd respond to all of those while participating in horizontal refreshment!

I think so!! And someone who used to penetrate in circle motions and say TAKE IT! TAKE MY PENIS! Have you found it??

Love this

I've had a few guys on Hinge copy and paste a list of their wants and needs - like as soon as the chat starts

Icky 🤢

He wouldn’t take his socks off during sex. He said he didn’t like feet. Fucking weird and he looked ridiculous, instant ick