AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

I saw his yfronts hanging on his mum’s airer- admittedly we were only 17 many years ago.

We met at a nice restaurant and he asked if I’d bought my rubber gloves. Presumably as an attempt at humour, if he or I were unable to pay the bill, rather than some kind of fetish. Either way there was no second date.

Great thread!

First time I was travelling to see him for the weekend after he had been to me a couple of times and it had gone quite well.

Met me at the train station, announced we needed to go to the shop to buy a multipack of toilet roll.

He’d made no plans for our weekend, saying he was someone who would just “go with the flow”. So I suggested a picnic which he thought was a great idea, but after a while he suggested we carry on and “munch as we go”. I was not inclined to join in with this but he asked me to “feed him an olive” as we were walking.

That evening, he suggested we find restaurant (whilst adding that he thought they may all be booked up) but then his friends called about a barbecue, so he said he had the perfect solution: we’d get the restaurant food as a takeaway for the barbecue. I suggested if we were going to a barbecue, perhaps it would make more sense to eat bbq food with everyone. He said ok, we’ll need to bring some, so I asked if there was a good shop around. So we went into a depressing mini Tesco and he got himself nice hamburgers and fancy buns along with copious amounts of beer. I’m a vegetarian, which he knew, and there was nothing there apart from a couple of shrivelled peppers. The friends were nice, and apologetic about the fact the single disposable bbq was covered in meat juice. He tucked into his hamburgers seemingly oblivious to it all.

The next morning he was sleeping in. I went into the kitchen, ravenous, only to find it was Mother Hubbard’s. I had to make do with a stale heel of outdated bread and some hummus from the picnic.

The absolute nail in the coffin was when, on the train back, he sent me a photo of an artisan pizza he had gone to a restaurant for and was tucking into!

Another one: an ex of mine grew his hair and thought it must be the sexiest thing ever to flick it over my nether regions. Same ex would hold a spoon with his fist and scoop up cereal with a weird shuffling motion.

He told me his favourite meal was mince and mash.

Probably fine for many, but something just died in me in that moment.

Nowt wrong with mince and tatties. Food of the gods when made well.

He bit his nails. I could see nail residue in his mouth and he went to kiss me 😷🤮

Oops! I'm still traumatised and didn't read it properly 🙃

Is he one of those species that dont have a bum hole and regurgitate their waste? 😅😅
He sounds as bad as those people who claim they dont fart 🤣
Yes you do!!! Everyone farts!!!

Not a major one but I once bailed on a date claiming ‘it’s a week night and last trains home are earlier’ (it was quarter past 8…)😁
In my defence he claimed he ‘wasn’t really an animal person.’
I work as a vet. He did know this already from the small talk prior to going said date.
Tell me honestly how would that ever work!!?😂

lol who knows but he was so passionate about the fact - I had thought he was joking at first so he got really annoyed lol

He suggested we go for lunch in London.

Turned out to be a Sainsbury’s meal deal sitting on a bench in the street.

@BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust It sounds as if you are very picky and have lots and lots of options. If most people were to start declining potential partners based on trivial things such as poor use of indicators and bad spelling, then the majority of people would be permanently single.

Can you ellaborate on what "ballerina socks" are? I have never seen men wearing "ballerina socks."

I went on a date with a guy who stood on dog shit during our date, he then went to the house of his friend who lived nearby and asked for a knife to get it out. The image of him sitting on his mate's doorstep scraping shit off the bottom of his boot with a butter knife is burned into my core memories.

On another date a guy told me the most random story of how he got so drunk one night while on a date that he woke up and the woman had left his place without saying anything. He gave a really detailed description of him waking up and realising the other side of his bed was empty and raising his head to look for her and realising that his pillow was caked in vomit and half his face was covered and little dried bits were falling off as he moved his head round searching for her.
He told it as if it was this funny anecdote but safe to say I left sharply after that and never saw him again.

It may not be a side-splittingly hilarious joke, but I am really struggling to see how a joke about having to wash the dishes after an expensive dinner is so horrific, disgusting, an offensive that you had to end the relationship there and then.

As a teenager I dumped a boy (James) because he called chewing gum by its brand name and hearing him constantly ask for Wrigley’s was giving me massive ick. The way he said wrigley was like nails down a chalk board.
He also had a very unusual interest in kittens, he had old cut of pictures of them from calendars in his room blue tacked up with Robbie fowler posters and a few page 3 girls.

So I move on from this unique chap and start going out with another boy who goes to his rival school. They live on the same estate and have played football in opposite teams together a few times.
The new boy (Adam) has a cat and Adam’s cat gave birth. Back then it was estate gossip because that’s how people got pets, word of mouth there were pups or cats needing a home.
A couple of weeks after his cat has her kittens James knocks on Adam’s door, introduces himself as my ex boyfriend and asks if they could have a chat. Adam presumes it’s going to be about me so he steps outside and asks him what’s the matter. He was expecting a fight but James explains he’s heard through the grapevine his cat has had kittens and he’d love to see them. Adam said of course and James spent ages with the kittens and introduced himself to Adam’s mum who said he should pop in again, which he did.

Adam is still one of my best friends and now even 25 plus years later and over the years it still gets mentioned, how my first boyfriend found out where he lived purely to play with the kittens.

I hope James has had a life full of kittens and wrigleys extra, he was a sweet wee soul.

Aged 15, I thought I was madly in love until he came to my house and ate all my Easter eggs.

Big romantic trip away. Lots of work to sort childcare (mine).
He clipped his toenails on the bed! And rhen couldn't get it up and when I flirtily suggested there were plenty of other things we could do, he said what was the point if HE couldn't come....it didn't last past the airport !

First (and last) time in bed with a new man, he did something I didn't like & when asked to stop he said "but my first wife liked that ".

Mom guy's name wasn't Richard was it? I had one date with Richard and he was desperate to introduce me to his mum THAT NIGHT. There was no second date 🤣

Just thought of another one-

I once went on a date with a guy. We went for drinks (hadn't eaten anything). It actually seemed to be going quite well until on the walk from one bar to another, he pulled a toothpick out from his pocket and stuck it in the corner of his mouth and started chewing on it and flicking it over like some cowboy from an old western (except we were in central Scotland).

I can beat that. Dated a guy who didn't eat meat OR vegetables -only ate ravioli out of tins. He was also terrible in bed, probably due to an iron/vitamin deficiency 🙄

Referred to staff who worked for him on his team as his 'minions' and had a sniff at the end of every sentence, in and out, that i just couldn't get past. Shallow I know.

One drank a budweiser beer at 9am in the morning when I stayed at his for the first time.

Went back to the hot guy at uni's house, listening to music, and when we were in this bed, I looked down and could see between the bed and the wall, on the floor, a pillow absolutely covered in boogies.

What the fuck is this devilry 🤮🤮

He slipped over in Greggs.

Many years ago I dated a guy who was very sweet. On the 5th date we’d gone to a pub and he went to go to the loo and get some drinks on the way back, as he stood up he accidentally farted. I looked in the other direction being discreet until he said really loudly “toot toot my trumps oot”. I had one more drink and left, something gave me the ick when he said that and I never saw him again.

Another guy I went on date 3 to a restaurant and we had words about 10 minutes in after he clicked his fingers to a waitress.That evening deteriorated fast as his table manners were awful, he held his fork like a shovel and never used a knife, broke his bread into the soup and tried to scoop food off my plate then wondered why I slapped his hand away from my food. He was feral.