AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

He primly draped a special tea towel over his TV every evening. To stop dust. No one can live that way, I wanted to empty my grans ashes onto it to make a point.

No but it is seared into my brain!!
Have you checked Classics?!

I have ended it over this. I noticed it when I visited his house but as he had kids I put it down to them. We went away for child free break, went to the loo and 🤢. That was it. I called him out on it but he got really defensive and said he was busy and that's why he'd left them.

Went on a date as a teen and we met at a bus station.I did know him through a friend.
He needed the toilet and produced a file from his pocket!
The zip had broken on his trousers and his Mum had sewn it shut!! He proceeded to use the file to undo the sewing right there on the platform! 😳

This made me laugh 😂

Good god

I went on a few dates with a guy from work when I was at uni. I hadn’t really noticed beforehand that he called everyone by their full names, but on our second date when he started talking about “my brother David Smith” and “my sister Sarah smith” I realised it wasn’t just a work habit. I just couldn’t deal with everyone having their full name forever.

The other one was a guy who seemed very lovely, but his Mum phoned while we were out and she was telling him something really quite serious and he kept saying “no no..: no no…. no no…. Yeah yeah… no no….” the whole time she was speaking and the no bits reminded me of the nodding dog insurance advert. Didn’t see him again after that and my best friend still mentioned Churchill if we chat about bad dates.

I ordered a chicken dish with a tomato based sauce for dinner. When it arrived he glanced over and said ''that looks like an abortion''.........😧

EDIT Missing word

We e having dinner in a very nice restaurant and he put his knife in his mouth (who does this anyway even at home)

instant turn off over 20 years later I remember it and cringe

I went on a date with a lovely man and I was the red flag 😂 We'd been speaking on the phone for a while and got on really well. We realised I had worked in a university building where he'd studied and we seemed to have a lot in common, he was quite posh. The night we met, I'd had dutch courage which was really foolish of me 😳 we went to a club where I proceeded to dance "seductively" and decided to flash my arse, pulling a moonie and thinking I was hilarious 😱 I have no idea why he then wanted to come home with me... while we were shagging I was screaming with pleasure, something I never do but I really was shit faced. The next day I had a meeting in town, he rang me and said we were very different people and we shouldn't see each other again. All I could reply was a bemused "I'm in the bank" He must have thought I was a total loony . No I never seen him again 😱😂

There’s nothing more offputting in a man than that sort of fussiness. I would actually prefer someone really messy than a neat freak.

You did the right thing.

He had flat feet and legs like trunks - no shape whatsoever. He had lost a lot of weight but hadn’t toned up so was soft all over.

'when we were walking around town and he aggressively stomped in front of some pigeons to scare them away. The pigeons didn't move.' - Courtesy of my best friend.

😂😂😂😂 love this one! I would hate him for stomping at the pigeons and the fact they didn’t move would delight me 😂😂

Was this the original?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/2713481-Penetration-man

No it wasn't but I'm going to read that one as I just adore these threads!
There really are so many walking among us..

Just realized I do this every time with ham, always have done and no idea why.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[email protected]

it’s the subtlety I love

also went out for a date with a guy who started rubbing my back quite aggressively because he thought I was cold

its February not the wilderness you know?

At a speed dating event a dishevelled man dramatically flopped down in the chair in front of me. He exhaled heavily and said ''Sorry, just in from Jo'burg and I'm really jet lagged''.

I don't know if I was supposed to be impressed by this or not. Prick 😂

I read it as Skidders on underwear 🤢

perhaps @HammockFace can confirm 🤣

Was the original where there was a post about the man ‘ trotting ‘ along the Pavement wearing a rucksack I will never forget the mental picture I had

I’ve got some funny ones..
A guy invited me to his house for dinner, went on and on about this meal he couldn’t wait for me to try.
Dished up, roast chicken, smash potatoes, ketchup and lambrini in a mug.. not a student btw he was in his late thirties.
If this wasn’t bad enough he was a ok pub singer, he got his Mic and guitar out and serenaded me with Jolene and the Artic monkeys, I’m a scumbag don’t you know.
Another guy.. Very sexy but the sex was awful and he couldn’t cum. One night I was determined to fix this (wish I hadn’t) riding like my life depended on it and it worked.. he closed his eyes, cum while shouting mmmmmm mum mum mummy. Fuck my life.
I asked him why and he said that to stop premature ejaculation he thought about the time he caught his mum and Nan sunbathing topless.
I went on a date once and the guy ordered lamb chops. He sucked the bone and then I kid you not licked the plate.
Had a one night stand years ago, was good. When I got up in the morning saw he had long long toenails. Blocked him.

Kind of liked this chap . We had a couple of good dates.
First time doing the business 🫣 As he was finishing he literally shrieked. There was a pause then his whole body started vigorously twitching . Initially I actually thought he was taking some kind of fit and I froze.
Then when i was pulling up my trousers he told me It wouldn’t take much for me to get in good shape, that most of the weight I was carrying was water weight !

Wonder what they thought of you?