Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

Odd that he didn’t tell you they hadn’t had tea, did he leave before you got home?

Well he’s an arse. He should have fed the dc if they were hungry and normally have dinner around a certain time.

I would be really cross about this! If DH got home at 2pm and you got home at 7.30pm then of course he should have sorted out food for the DC. What a selfish man.

Yeah that’s taking the piss, if you’re not home til 7.30 dinner should be ready if the other person has been home.

Ideally it should be done by whoever is in earlier not later.

How old are the children? Can they help with dinner or start learning to cook?

Not inly should he have fed the DC but I would assume that he had made my tea too and it was waiting for me.

How awful for the DC to have a Dad who can’t even be bothered to feed them.

How old is your youngest? DH should absolutely have sorted food for them but if they are old enough could they have sorted themselves something? What time did he leave?

Totally unacceptable behaviour on his part op.

To feed your child is pretty fundamental parenting.

I would be furious.

He had time to make dinner for everyone and leave it ready for you.

Total piss take.

is he like this with all of the unpaid shitwork of adulting and parenting?

How old are your dcs, that he could leave them alone before you got home?

Could he have expected them to feed themselves?

Generally yes, dcs get in from school hungry and need feeding somewhere around 5-6pm. If he'd been home (not wfh) since 2, he should have made some food. Fish fingers, peas and bread & butter takes 10 minutes max.

The child always takes priority. No parent should ever need to be told that!

That’s rubbish parenting, unless you’re going to say your dc is about 16! What a selfish man.

How old are the children? Just asking because I’m guessing if hubby had left before you got home that they are old enough to be left alone?

My husband used to forget to feed the kids when he had them too. It used to infuriate me because in my mind if he’d eaten how could he have not thought they’d want to as well! We have the mental load (and predominantly the physical one as well!)

Sounds like another man living his best life, benefitting from a family life and not putting a drop of work into it.

That’s shit. What did he say about it to the kids before you got home and then to you? We both wfh now but whoever was in first would make/ start dinner.

His priorities are not you and the children. He sounds incredibly selfish.

When did he leave? 4.30 I’d understand not having fed them, 5.30 yes I’d be a bit miffed. I’d expect something to usually be in the oven or mostly chopped.

That is really really awful, deeply selfish, and terrible parenting of him. I’m not sure how to deal with that, other than divorce, because I don’t think selfishness that ingrained can be changed. He isn’t cut out to be a parent.

YANBU. I’d be livid if my DH did this.

Ok so what did he say when you asked him about it?

Yes, he is taking the piss but not feeding his child was appalling.

can i caveat my post with assumptions I made from the op. Children all under 10 and he didn’t leave till you were home.

YANBU. I don't think it has to be the first one who comes home specifically, but I'm this case there was only 1 parent in the house so surely he knows his kids won't magic up dinner.

7:30pm seems quite late to me for dinner time, so IMO they should have eaten by the time you came home. Although it depends on age obviously.

did he feed himself? I'm not saying it's ok to not feed the kids if he didn't, just that it's even worse if he sat eating in front of them.
how old are the kids? by 6 pm my kids are definitely complaining if dinner isn't in front of them, no way would DH not know they didn't need food. im assuming you don't normally eat at 8 pm with the kids?

So he prioritised himself and failed to feed his child?

This would be a divorce level conversation for me. He clearly thinks you’re the default cook and bottlewasher and none of that woman’s work had anything to do with him. He probably thought he’d done you a favour getting his own stuff ready to go to the gym. What a big boy. Prick.