Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

Bloody hell, I would be v pissed off at that. Not only should he have made his dc dinner, he should have had yours ready for coming home.
Hopefully it's a one off

Don't you two communicate?

Discuss plans for the day? Remind each other that Sarah has an optician appointment after school and that ballet is cancelled this week?

Agree who's doing dinner?

He HAD to feed his children. He WANTED to play at his hobby.

I agree that this is a binary conversation “you can either parent your children or you can accept a letter from my solicitor”.

How old is DC? Younger than 14 he should have sorted out dinner for DC and you.

I had spoken to DH on the way home, he didn't say they did not have dinner. This is what has frustrated me!
And he was left at 7.
He did say to the 15 year old to put on something and they didn't. And this ended in DH being cross with him- which annoyed me even more!

15 year can cook themselves something and will often do this but they were also home late (4:45).

But normally I would have something cooking or cooked if I'm home at 2pm or KNOW I'm going to be out.

This massively changes things. Your child is 15! No way my parents would entertain me whining about dinner at that age. I knew where the kitchen was and if I chose not to cook, that was on me.

Couldn’t have said it better

what a fucking useless husband - why is your bar in hell!? Your poor kids.

Sorry the youngest is 8!

DH said he asked the teenager to put food on at 7pm for the younger two!

A bloody 15yo?? Why couldn’t they have made something?? The fact you didn’t even mention their age or think they are incapable of making something tells me that YOU are the issue here. And the ‘child’ getting home at 4:45, wtf couldn’t they make something in 15 minutes for themselves?

Sorry this made me giggle!!
I think I might use this as self talking in these situations!

I’m sorry op, but your update that your child is 15 changes things massively!!! Since my DCs were old enough to cool something decent for themselves - say 12 - they have never expected a meal, and I would not tolerate them expecting me to do it. Sure, I almost always do, but their response is a thank you, and their response if I didn’t do it for whatever reason, is to make something themselves and ask me if I wanted something.

15yrs old! Come on. 5yrs old you would have had a point.

DH is at fault here. Why is he delegating parental responsibility to your eldest?

I would be livid

Do you mean the mum telling the dad how to do basic parenting?

My SIL does things like this but her kids are A LOT younger (3 and 7). At 15 they can cook for themselves

Why all the drips of info? You only mentioned a 15yo. What food did he expect the 15yo to put on?

Huh?
The youngest is 8!

In my house I do NOT expect my 15 year to make the family dinner whilst their parent is more than capable and has been more than 2 hours before them!

At 15 they can take care of themselves occasionally, 4:45 is hardly late back, but not of younger siblings except in an emergency. How old is youngest? Dh should have got something ready for the oven if not served before leaving.

That’s fine then, and quite different from your op. Why the exclamation mark?

So he couldn't be bothered to make the younger ones dinner. So left it to the teenager who didn't bother. Now he's annoyed 😬.

Well you are drip feeding here so what do you expect?

Perfectly acceptable to expect a 15 year old to feed themselves if both parents are busy.
Not acceptable to delegate parenting the younger two to the 15 year old and expect them to be responsible for deciding what to cook for their siblings.

Op you’ve written this post quite poorly with relevant information left out. So seems like you have a communication issue.
You spoke to him before he left so why didn’t you ask what are they having for dinner. Regardless of who is cooking in our home it’s a fairly normal question to ask each other.

It wouldn't be a bad thing to expect the 15 year old to cook for him and his siblings if both parents were at work or something, in this situation where your DH was at home I'd have expected him to sort it. However, I do think your 15 year old could have done it when asked. Also, worst comes to worst can they not make themselves a sandwich or something to tide them over?