Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

@Cosyblankets apologies I missed that in the OPS drip feeds

I still take the same stance though while DH is a useless waste of space in this situation 15yo could have done something - "Dad shall I put the airfryer on?" or even "Dad what's for dinner?"

We can expect our partners to be good parents and expect our children to use their brains at the same time.

I am also baffled how 3 older kids/teens didn't think to mention to their father that they were hungry but waited till their mum got home to moan.

The guy was home at 2pm and didnt leave until 7pm, so why the hell he was even asking the 15 year old is ridiculous and I cant believe so many people are fine with a dad not even doing minimum parenting but then expect the 15 year old to pick up the slack.

The only thing im wondering is did the 8 year old ask the dad or do they see OP as default parent and didnt even ask him because they expect him to be useless?

Did you have to dig a trench first to set a bar quite that low?

Why? Maybe in the 1950s when the wife was at home as a housewife but when we as wives and mothers are now expected to fund at least 50% of the finances by working full time, why do the husbands still get to act like it’s the 1950s?

oh yes - because other women won’t support us in our quest to get men to step the fuck up.

What's the drip feed?

Tbh, my children are pretty good cooks. My youngest especially.

By 13, she was more than capable of cooking something decent and I would quite often get home from work to find she'd already started dinner because there was something she fancied or wanted to do something nice for me.

However, that is not the same as having a parent in the house who just hasn't bothered and then announced on their way out that dinner is the 15 year oldest responsibility that night.

Even if he thought the 15 year old was capable of cooking for themselvs, he still hadn't considered the 8 year old.

He just couldnt be bothered and then passed on the responsibility to a child.

No no nope, if a parent has been home since 2pm, it is not on to ask the 15yo to step in at 7pm to do something as basic as feeding the family. Absolutely knock this on the head - it is different if it’s a pre agreed task and shared out/rostered, but not to say ‘I’m off - you sort out the littluns.’

I cannot believe that people still think women need to give supposedly grown assed men a list for the unpaid shitwork. They seem to manage find knowing what to do at work/when it suits them

Fucking hell. Look how quickly posters latched on to blame the 15 year old instead of the grown man who had been home since 2pm.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I pity how some of you live. You expect nothing from your husband/partner and that must be very hard.
Want more for yourselves and your children.

No.

@DuggansBakery

The two issues are getting tangled up - yes it is absolutely possible for a 15yo to watch younger siblings and make a meal. BUT the father should have done it before prioritising his own hobby.

Would have been nice for the 15yo to show some initiative but the blame obviously doesn't lay on them.

Still don't understand how any of the children didn't moan about being hungry between school pick up and mum getting home! Mine are starving the second they get in the door!

This in spades!

Some women are so quick to defend men and blame anyone else for their failings.

The wife should have given detailed instructions and sent a text reminder; the 15 year old should have used their initiative...

Unbelievable.

A 15 year old shouldn’t have to make their own dinner at all

Still don't understand how any of the children didn't moan about being hungry between school pick up and mum getting home! Mine are starving the second they get in the door!

Maybe they did. Maybe he ignored them. Maybe they've learnt they's no point asking Dad because it makes no difference. He shouldn't need that to happen though as a reminder. He knows children need be to be fed. He shouldn't need to he reminded of that.

If I ask my 15 year old to do a simple chore to help me out, I expect them to do it. To deliberately disobey me (and then start shit stirring with the other parent) is extremely bad behaviour, of course they should be 'blamed' for that.

A parent asking a 15 year old to do a simple chore to help them out is not bad behaviour. It's part of normal parenting and teaching your child to grow into a functional, self reliant adult.

Not that old cliche again.

I did discover quite early on in life that most men are not mind readers and some are idiots and not able to work out the simplest tasks for themselves. If it's a case of learned helplessness, then I think it's easier to prompt by them with some simple instructions to save at lot of angst for everyone in the family, and the need to complain on Mumsnet. You may of course prefer the alternative of waiting until they have learned to use their initiative without prompts, but that might take years.

By OP's own admission there had been recent changes in the family routines, so a bit of prompting might have prevented the problem

@Hatetagsinclothes this is ridiculous why are we babying teenagers.

There are two separate issues here

DH is in the wrong, he was lazy and feckless to not make his children food before doing his hobby - nobody is not blaming him.

BUT ALSO
15 is old enough to make a family meal

@GreyCarpet there is no evidence of this, OP hasn't even suggested it so that is an odd thing to assume.

I can't get my head around the idea of a father doing that?!

You're absolutely right, 15 year old can make themselves food but should not be responsible for feeding the younger ones when one of their parents is at home and has been for 3 hours longer than the 15 year old!
Lazy man child

Any one of them could have made a meal for themselves. What time do you usually eat and why is 4:45 “late”? This sounds like a baked potatoes and cheese/tuna/salad or a beans on toast, or a bread and soup, night. If dh asked your 25 year old to feed his siblings WHY weren’t they fed?

Why should the teenager feed the younger children when their own father was home earlier and couldn't be arsed? That's not babying the teenager, that's a grown man needing to parent the young children he chose to have. The 15 year old hasn't got any dependents

I do think he should have made something for the 8 year old and offered something to the 15 year old, even beans on toast would be okay. I find it strange he didn’t care?! What did he eat??! I’d have a work with him and tell him that he is to always make dinner when you’re working late.

Because 15 year olds should do simple chores when requested to by their parent. It's not an unreasonable ask.

15 year old didn't say that.

You should probably bother to read the OP's posts because your reckoning is wrong. The husband was home until 7pm. Between 2 and 7pm, 5 hours, he did not bother to make his children dinner.