Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

@MeowDoku I didn't say they should, in fact I was quite clear on that.

The issues are separate - the father was lazy and selfish to not sort dinner for the kids before going to his hobby

Also, separately - teens are capable of cooking family meals.

Someone posted that a 15yo should never have to cook dinner - that is what I was referring to as babying teens)

100%

The bar for men is pathetically low ... and even teenagers are expected to do better apparently.

What was he thinking? Of himself. Make a placard, hang it in the hallway reminding him “He is a parent now, his needs don’t come first anymore”.

It is when the adults aren't pulling their weight

@Peachghost you should probably bother to read all my posts because I apologised for missing the OPs drip feed already 😀

Agreed, I was definitely cooking at 15 but not because my dad couldn't be bothered and was going to his hobby at 7pm, 5 hours after he got home.
DS is 7 and can make a simple sandwich, toast, cereal and has just graduated to scrambled eggs (with supervision because we have a gas hob)

If he gets home at 2 then the cooking of dinner is his responsibility, plus doing any housework. These tasks come before his hobbies. If not then what is his value to you all?

Another useless husband post that reminds me why I am glad I am a single parent and have no desire to date

What shit stirring?

I mean emergency, as in they have been left unexpectedly without a meal, so an unplanned situation. DH absolutely should have done it, no argument there, and in OPs position I would rip DH a new one. But as I said in my post, if there isn't a meal prepared and younger sibling says they are hungry I would expect a 15 year old to deal with that - even just throwing together a sandwich, toast or something.

You just didn't bother to read the OP's posts before posting. She had stated almost an hour before your post that her husband was home until 7pm. And yet you still "reckoned" he hadn't been. Just read all the OP's posts before posting next time. Saves threads getting filled by nonsense posts 😁

We don't know that he's not. And asking a 15yo to cook a simple meal for themself and their sibling is a perfectly reasonable ask from time to time, especially if Mum is at work and Dad is getting ready to go out.

@Peachghost and you didn't bother to read mine before deciding to tell me off when there was no need to, it filling thread with "nonsense posts" 😀

I think you are missing the point, DH didn't ask the 15 year old to make dinner until he was heading out of the door at 7pm.

It seems like he didn't think about them at all until 7pm, that's the problem, the parent at home should be responsible for either making food for the kids or assigning jobs at a reasonable time.

What was he doing in that 5 hours OP?

Dad was home from 2pm until 7pm , mum is annoyed he didn't feed them, that didn't sound like he was doing something crucially important. The teenager got in 3 hours after the dad and more than likely had homework etc. Even if the dad had bunged together a tray bake and said to the 15 year old that'll be ready at 6 can you grab it out of the oven and dish up that would've been something.
I'd very much like to know what this man was doing with those 5 hours before taking himself off to his hobby

Do you ask them to help you out to share the load and because they need to learn how to function independently and be a team player and take responsibility for themselves and their own living space etc?

Because that's what I did.

Or do you ask them to do simple chores because you can't be bothered or 'forget' and don't 'remember' until you're on your way out to do something more fun instead?

Because thats what he did.

And asking a 15yo to cook a simple meal for themself and their sibling is a perfectly reasonable ask from time to time, especially if Mum is at work and Dad is getting ready to go out.

For 5 hours?

I'm not sure it changes anything at all.

We are 2 adults and a 15 yr old. Whichever adult is home first manages the dinner plans and begins prep, the 15 yr old takes over, and then finishes the cooking along with the second adult.

Food is prepared for everybody, especially the person who is last home!

And if someone is out then a meal is set aside for them for later.

@MeowDoku we don't actually know what time the 15yo was asked to make dinner

"I had spoken to DH on the way home, he didn't say they did not have dinner. This is what has frustrated me!
And he was left at 7.
He did say to the 15 year old to put on something and they didn't. And this ended in DH being cross with him- which annoyed me even more!"

Could have been anytime between 4.45 and 7pm

If it was asked in plenty of time, eg at 5pm "I am off out tonight and mum is working late please make dinner for you and your siblings we have pizza in the freezer"
I don't think that is unreasonable
"Sort tea!" as he heads out the door, is unreasonable.

Asking a teen to make dinner for the family as part of being in the household - even while you are in the home is not unreasonable in and of itself. If it is a complete afterthought then that is different...

However as the DH was home from 2pm I think he should have sorted it before the teen even got home!

He also asked the teen at 7pm on his way out. That's too late already.

He did say to the 15 year old to put on something and they didn't. And this ended in DH being cross with him- which annoyed me even more!
Neither your husband or the 15 yr old come out shining. DH should have organised something for sure but the 15 yr old is also capable or should be, of putting on some pasta or a pizza.

You're just assuming that none of that happened though.

It was for a different reason but my mum once picked my 7 year old up.from school because I had a later meeting.

When I got there at around 8pm, he hadn't eaten. He had spent the whole evening telling grandma he was hungry and asking what was for dinner and she just fobbed him off (she was waiting for her partner to get home so they could 'eat as a family').

You can't assume that the reason their dad didnt feed them was because neither of them mentioned it. The likelihood is that they did but he ignored it.

Either way, as an adult and a parent, he shouldn't need to rely on the childen reminding him. They're living creatures and I'm pretty sure he understands that living creatures need to eat. They teach that in Reception. And also he is a living creature who gets hungry too. He's got plenty of experience of it.

Eating is on the bottom tier of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. It's not floating around there up with self actualisation. It's a basic requirement of life.

He sounds incredibly selfish

Maybe in the absence of an adult this is fine, but their father was there and just didn’t do it. I don’t think a 15 year old should have to make dinner for his siblings because their father just didn’t do it. That’s awful.

OP YANBU in this instance.

I cannot fathom being married to such a selfish useless waster.
He clearly doesn't give a shit.
Apoplectic is what I would be in these circumstances.

What is the point of him?

My advice is have a conversation with him over text about this, if this is part of a pattern of neglect.