Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

Well, if this was me at home I'd have made dinner, we'd have had it to suit DC's bedtime and my hobby (i.e. not too close to their bedtime) and there would be a portion for you to heat up.

Now DD2 (17) is the only one at home I might leave DH and her to get on with it and go to my hobby (they had one of those heat up meals for two when I was at my book club this week but can also actually cook).

Why is it the 15 year old's job to feed his siblings when his Dad had been home since 2pm?! Lazy parenting. Teens should absolutely be able to cook food for themselves but not just because their Dad didn't feel like doing it. If it was the mum that was home since 2pm but didn't fancy cooking for her 3 kids would people be so quick to blame the teenager.

What time do they normally eat? If he was leaving before their normal evening meal time, that makes a difference.

If they normally eat at 6, then he's a nob. If they normally eat at 7:30, asking the teen to start making a simple meal at 7 is not quite as horrendous.

How is it a drip feed, the original message said her youngest, that immediately implies more than one child. They mentioned a 15 year old and 8 minutes later said the age of the youngest.

Maybe the issue here is more you just wanted to find a reason to pick because people do love to find a reason for the OP to be in the wrong here.

I do find it interesting that everyone seems at fault to you aside from the lazy father.

I don think YABU to be flabbergasted that a father at home with his children wouldn't make sure they had eaten before going out .
When you asked him why it was 7.30 pm and he hadn't made sure his 8 yr old had eaten dinner ?
As for the 15 yr old, reasonable for them to make something for themselves as you said they are capable ,i think the key is communication though,it seems your DH thinks to tell your 15 yr old to put something on is enough, it's not unless its on ocassional and discussed. To 15 yr old ,please could you make x for dinner for you and 8 yr old as DH and i wont be around . I dont think it fair to absolve parental responsibility for cooking to a 15 yr old for an 8 yr old regularly except in extenuating circumstances.

Men and their sodding hobbies…🤬

Why do women on here always defend useless husbands? Of course you are not unreasonable OP; imagine if you wrote that you were home at 2 pm, spent the rest of the day sorting yourself for your hobby, you left before 7 and your DH got home at 7.30 to no dinner and hungry kids, one of whom is 8 years old!

Think there are two separate issues here. DH is an arse, he was at home and should have sorted dinner before he buggered off. A 15 year old should be more than capable of pulling something basic together, beans on toast, sandwiches, something, for a hungry younger sibling in an emergency. I'm sure the 8 year didn't sit in silence but would have said 'I'm hungry' or 'what's for dinner?'. This is not about excusing DH incompetence, laziness or stupidity, but about taking responsibility when you have been left in charge - it's not just about being there.

The whole issue has two forks.

DH absolutely should have sorted dinner at 2pm for everyone before going to his hobby, left extras for others to heat up etc. YANBU for being annoyed that he didn't do this.

ALSO - a 15yo is capable of using their initiative and making something simple for the family when they saw dinner was not forthcoming at 5pm.

Would you expect the dad to check with the mum that the child had been fed before they left at 7 when the child goes to bed at 8? Is this not a safe assumption that they will have been fed?

Is your husband always such a lazy prick? I would rip him a new one if mine did this. My husband works until 8pm 2 nights a week, magically l care for our children after working myself (l often don't get home until 530pm or 600pm!) AND make dinners for everyone. He needs to sort himself out

And I have to say that even if dp is being pathetic I would expect a 15 year old to be able to take charge- a 15 year old saying “Mummy, I’m hungry” would not impress me at all!

15 y o makes dinner while dad sits in his chair doing nothing and then goes out .
Perfectly reasonable I'm sure

Child is 8 not 15

This was not an emergency

A). Your husband should have made dinner last night.

B). I was cooking for five people, twice a week, every week, at age 13. Meat, potatoes, three veg. And on more evenings by arrangement.

Once a week, a family meeting over dinner with pen and paper to go over the calendar would be good here. But it will only work if dh is involved. If he refuses to be part of the family, I would still be have a come to Jesus conversation.

@Cosyblankets where did I say that?

In the OP she states "DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby." So he wasn't in the home at dinner time by my reckoning, not just sitting around letting his children go hungry before heading out.

As I also said DH should have sorted it, and she should be annoyed at him.

That does not negate the point that a 15 year old is capable of engaging their brain and putting a frozen pizza (or whatever) in the oven.

Surely the solution is to put the kids in the car, especially the 8 year old, follow the selfish twat to his hobby and ask the shirker in front of his mates why he didn't feed his own children before he left as he'd been home since 2! Then leave them with him to sort it.

Joking. Slightly. About the leaving them there part.

@Cosyblankets it doesn't matter that it wasn't an emergency.

The husband is in the wrong but that doesn't mean a 15yo can't make a sensible choice.

Teaching our children to be good adults is good parenting - even if the 15yo is getting a shitty example of being a good adult from their father.

He left the house at 7pm
What did he do for 5 hours?

Goodness is no one reading before posting? The youngest is 8.
OP yes your DH should have got the dinner ready or at least organised properly with the 15 year old (as I would have done if I was going out to do my ‘hobby’)’. And I also think I would have asked my DH if they’d had dinner - yes that’s putting more burden on you but if my wife was going out and I was the husband coming back a bit late I’d ask her too so I’d know.
What time is dinner normally? And if you knew you wouldn’t be home til 7.30, and you and your DH both knew he’d be leaving by 7, why not plan the week ahead and say ‘right Paul I’m at work late Wednesday and Friday you have your thing, what should we do about dinner for the kids those nights’? And your 15 year old can pick up the slack on occasion!

I need to know more.
When asking DC15 to put some dinner on for the younger two, did DH specify what, have something there prepped ready to be cooked etc?
Did DC15 cook something for themselves and not the younger two? DH is right in expecting that a child who cooks would cook enough for the three of them.
Did DH ask the kids what they wanted? Maybe they said they felt sick.

If DH put in zero effort for dinner, I find that incredibly selfish and neglectful.

I have a 5 and 9 year old and on a school night they are winding down and getting ready for bed by that time so yes I'd be furious. He couldn't be arsed to be a Dad so chose to skip dinner and pass on his parenting duties to your older child. I'd be telling him he needs to grow up and stop neglecting his children.

Sometimes you just need to tell some men/ fathers exactly what they've got to do when it comes to childcare and routines.. Like saying " I won't be home until later this evening so you need to give the X and Y for the tea/dinner at Z time and ask them about their day./school . The children need to start getting ready for bed at * time ..

. I know you shouldn't have to, but it is easier all round if make the instructions and tasks idiot proof. Remind them by text if necessary.

Sadly, he sounds like a man who will always put his hobbies before the needs of his children.