AIBU to feel disappointed that my daughter has chosen a less prestigious college and a more practical degree?

[Idealist3]

My daughter is doing a degree in Business with Spanish and Italian, and she is very happy with her choice of college and course.

She had enough points to get into a more prestigious college and could have studied subjects such as humanities, communications or journalism. However, she was quite determined to do this particular course because she wanted something more practical and less theoretical. She also liked the industry links and the fact that there is a mandatory year abroad in Spain.

I completely understand her reasoning, and I have always wanted my children to make their own decisions about their lives. I don't want to be the kind of parent who tries to dictate what they should study or what career they should pursue.

However, if I'm honest, I feel disappointed, and I feel guilty about feeling that way.

My own degree was in Literature and Sociology at a good college, and I suppose I had hoped she might follow a more academic route. I value the intellectual side of a university education and had imagined her studying something along those lines at a more prestigious institution. I think I had an idea in my head of the sort of university experience I would have liked her to have.

Part of me worries that, given her academic ability, she could have challenged herself more and that she might be missing out on a richer university experience. I also wonder whether a degree from a more prestigious college might have opened up different opportunities for her in the future.

At the same time, I realise that she has thought about what she wants and has chosen a course that genuinely appeals to her. She isn't disappointed with her choice or wishing she had done something else. In fact, she's happy, which is what I should want for her.

I know that practical degrees can lead to good careers, and I can see the advantages of learning languages, spending a year abroad and having industry connections. I'm not suggesting that her course is a bad one, and I certainly don't want her to feel that I'm unhappy with her decision.

I think what I'm struggling with is that she has had the academic ability to pursue a different route but has actively chosen not to. Perhaps I had hoped she would value some of the things I valued about university.

I have always believed that my children should make their own choices, and I know it would be unfair to expect her to follow the path I took or to choose a degree based on prestige alone.

So, AIBU to feel disappointed, even though I respect her decision and am glad she's happy? Am I being too hung up on academic prestige and the kind of education I personally value? Or is it understandable to feel that she could have made more of her academic potential, even if she sees things differently?

I don't want to project my own expectations onto her, but I can't quite shake the feeling that I wish she'd chosen differently. I feel bad about that because, ultimately, it's her life and her decision.

I'd appreciate some honest perspectives, particularly from people whose children have chosen a different path from the one they might have hoped for them. How do you let go of your own expectations and feel genuinely happy for your child when their choices aren't quite what you imagined?

What did you do with your degree?

It sounds like she has really thought this through.

You are of course being immensely unreasonable, although I think you know that. Also your examples are very weird - why do you think languages are less ‘academic’ and more ‘practical’ than journalism or communications which are surely far more vocational?

You feel however you feel, but you need to get over it and see that you are in the wrong here.

At this incredibly difficult time for graduates, I’d be very proud of your daughter for thinking practically. I hope her course gives her the opportunities she’s looking for.

I'd be more concerned with whether she can get a job at the end than how intellectual it is
... Business Studies and languages with a year abroad sounds more useful than communications or journalism..

Academic prestige is trumped by courses that will be more likely to get you employment nowadays.

The course she has chosen sounds brilliant.

Tbh you just sound like a snob.

She made a far better choice.

I don’t see what the problem is.

Communications and journalism are not terribly prestigious subjects (by the old school standards). I'm not sure you have the best overview on that. Besides which it's always best to do something you enjoy if possible.

You are being unreasonable but you know that. Do you feel her choice is “less then” yours maybe? We all want our children to “do better” than we did. Is that the issue?

What did you do with your degree out of interest?

Don’t you just love an intellectual snob?

An intellectual snob wouldn't prefer the subjects she suggests.

OP, your DD has chosen to take a marketable degree that will get her a job, which is not necessarily the case with humanities, communication or journalism. What, pray, is unacademic about Spanish and Italian? How is it less academic than, say, sociology? I know someone who did Business with Spanish and they now have a very good job in marketing. Your DD is looking to the future, and beyond her next three years at university - don’t knock it.

"College "?

Much rather have a DD making practical choices than silly ones based on some kind of prestige idea

Journalism degree is not prestigious. Neither is communications! Humanities - depends which one. I think your idea of prestige isn’t mine. MFLs are significantly more difficult. This degree can lead to a job in communications and journalism. So what’s wrong with the choice? Plus the best unis don’t offer on points. They want A level grades. So what A levels has she got and where is she going? The jobs you mention are best studied as a post grad student after she’s done relevant student journalism and media as an undergrad.

With the op what screamed out at me was 'prestigious' as in i want to be able to say to people they go to a prestigious uni, if you actually cared what was best for them you wouldn't feel this way

You should be jumping up and down for joy that you have such a clever and sensible child. Academic degrees do not equal jobs these days.

I'm confused. Languages are usually considered more academic than Sociology, surely?

Humanities? Are you having a laugh?

🦒

I don't want to be mean but in what way is sociology and literature more academically prestigious?

I’m not sure you have a great grasp on what is considered a ‘prestigious’ subject. Business isn’t especially prestigious, but neither are communications and journalism (at least at undergraduate level), and to be honest, sociology is not an especially well-regarded subject either.

Im not going to lie , I've sent a few of these posts over the last few months snd they make me both mad and sad. Same tale everytime.

Your daughter has enough self-awareness at 18 to reject a prestigious title in favour of a practical course that actually suits her learning style and career goals. That shows higher intelligence and maturity than many adults possess.

Stop viewing her life through the lens of your own nostalgia. A mandatory year abroad and dual languages will give her a richer, more challenging education than sitting in a lecture hall studying theory. Be proud of her independence. Shake off the snobbery, put your feelings away, and cheer her on.