AIBU to feel disappointed that my daughter has chosen a less prestigious college and a more practical degree?

[Idealist3]

My daughter is doing a degree in Business with Spanish and Italian, and she is very happy with her choice of college and course.

She had enough points to get into a more prestigious college and could have studied subjects such as humanities, communications or journalism. However, she was quite determined to do this particular course because she wanted something more practical and less theoretical. She also liked the industry links and the fact that there is a mandatory year abroad in Spain.

I completely understand her reasoning, and I have always wanted my children to make their own decisions about their lives. I don't want to be the kind of parent who tries to dictate what they should study or what career they should pursue.

However, if I'm honest, I feel disappointed, and I feel guilty about feeling that way.

My own degree was in Literature and Sociology at a good college, and I suppose I had hoped she might follow a more academic route. I value the intellectual side of a university education and had imagined her studying something along those lines at a more prestigious institution. I think I had an idea in my head of the sort of university experience I would have liked her to have.

Part of me worries that, given her academic ability, she could have challenged herself more and that she might be missing out on a richer university experience. I also wonder whether a degree from a more prestigious college might have opened up different opportunities for her in the future.

At the same time, I realise that she has thought about what she wants and has chosen a course that genuinely appeals to her. She isn't disappointed with her choice or wishing she had done something else. In fact, she's happy, which is what I should want for her.

I know that practical degrees can lead to good careers, and I can see the advantages of learning languages, spending a year abroad and having industry connections. I'm not suggesting that her course is a bad one, and I certainly don't want her to feel that I'm unhappy with her decision.

I think what I'm struggling with is that she has had the academic ability to pursue a different route but has actively chosen not to. Perhaps I had hoped she would value some of the things I valued about university.

I have always believed that my children should make their own choices, and I know it would be unfair to expect her to follow the path I took or to choose a degree based on prestige alone.

So, AIBU to feel disappointed, even though I respect her decision and am glad she's happy? Am I being too hung up on academic prestige and the kind of education I personally value? Or is it understandable to feel that she could have made more of her academic potential, even if she sees things differently?

I don't want to project my own expectations onto her, but I can't quite shake the feeling that I wish she'd chosen differently. I feel bad about that because, ultimately, it's her life and her decision.

I'd appreciate some honest perspectives, particularly from people whose children have chosen a different path from the one they might have hoped for them. How do you let go of your own expectations and feel genuinely happy for your child when their choices aren't quite what you imagined?

Things have changed (thank whoever 🙏) Academia for the sake of academia was left behind years ago - it's only useful if you want to pursue a career in academia. Top colleges merely have snob value nothing else. Your daughter has (imho) made an excellent choice. Business + languages will stand her in very good stead, and a year abroad will most likely be life-changing, or at least life-enhancing.

Sociology and literature is useless.

Your daughter is doing the right thing. She also needs to get as much work experience as she can during uni.

Your attitude blows my mind.

I did an academic degree at a prestigious university, because I was able, but it was the wrong choice for me.
My degree did not help me find a career, no one was interested.
I think you are over estimating what it can do for your life- particularly if you have no clear idea what you want to do with your degree.
I finished up going back to study a HND in something practical I was passionate about.
Doing an academic degree simply because you have the ability to do so is not necessarily a great path that leads to a successful career.

My literature degrees haven’t been useless. 🤷‍♀️

"A prob what i was adding to"

Academic rigor at a prestigious university wasn't wasted on OP. 🤔

At work it matters nothing where a person studied tbh.

I went to a prestiguous college. I only ever came across one person who talked to me about it cos they also went there.

I hope your DD enjoys her time whilst studying her degree.

Hardly any universities in the UK offer MFL. Almost all Russell Groups. Only a couple of universities now offer Business with 2 languages, so to my mind, your dd is on a highly competitive course.

Having completed a year abroad myself, it's certainly not an easy choice. It's her life, not yours...

You can feel that but you mustn’t say anything, it would really wind her up. The jobs market is awful at the moment and I don’t think an academic degree would offer any advantages.

She sounds smart to me

What a load of waffle. You’ve said the same point about 5 times in slightly different ways. Hopefully your daughter’s course will make her a more rounded and much more succinct business person than her outdated and old fashioned thinking mother.
YABVVVU

I think the real reason you’re disappointed with your daughter’s choice of uni is because you feel you can’t brag about the Uni she’s chosen to your social circle.

Sounds like a brilliant choice of course. YABVVVU.

You may the decision that was right for you, she made one that's right for her. You graduated into a very different world to the one your daughter will.

Does your DD have any idea of what career/field of work she’d like to go into post her studies?

I work in the corporate world and a degree in business is much more desirable and practicable than the subjects you have listed, e.g. a journalism degree is very specialised so could restrict career options outside of the media, communications is an area being heavily impacted by AI, so wouldn’t be one I’d recommend for career longevity.

In my experience, it seems that the ‘must have’ qualification for anyone aspiring to a senior corporate role nowadays is an MBA and if your DD gets a good Business degree under her belt, she’ll be well equipped use and build on the knowledge she already has to pursue one.

I also think the ability to communicate well in foreign languages is invaluable. I studied Spanish to GCSE and German to A Level and now wish I’d carried on with one or both.

Incidentally, I studied English Literature at university and whilst I think it’s a reasonable, general degree to choose given the broader skills it brings with it, I can honestly say that in my 25 years of working, there’s never been a single situation where my considerable knowledge of the literary works from the Romantic Period has proved useful.

I’m in Ireland, and many degrees at the technical universities are surely fully as prestigious as anything at the former RTCs?

The bit where you keep telling us you think your children should make their own choices is not at all evident from your post.

Good for her for having foresight and thinking out of the box. She has chosen a great degree that will open up more opportunities than simply picking one of her A level subjects and doing it at degree level, like a dullard.

@Idealist3 My own degree was in Literature and Sociology at a good college, and I suppose I had hoped she might follow a more academic route.

Well, that doesn't sound like the most sensible (or academic) combination in the world but who am I to judge? FFS ... my degree was in Linguistics! It didn't hamper my career.

I have a successful career in my chosen field and my advice to any young person in the current climate is to do a vocational degree which leads to a specific job, preferably one that we’re going to need in future. Do not join the multitude of graduates who did non-vocational degrees who can’t get a job. And don’t go to university until you know specifically what you’re going to do at the end of it.

My daughter did engineering at an IT which is now a TU in Ireland. She did an Erasmus year in a TU abroad. She got a job in a multinational. They paid for her to do a masters in a Russell Group University in the UK.
My other kids both did fairly career driven first degrees in old universities...traditional universities in Ireland tend to have college in their names. They had to pay to do masters!

@gillefc82 The latest IFS data shows English grads as having one of the worst returns on their degree costs. In other words, they don’t get much of an earnings premium. Obviously science comes higher and a humanity like geography is just fine. MFLs, if you use them as an academic launchpad, are ok for many jobs but should not be seen as vocational. Business is a good choice and fending for yourself abroad is excellent for the cv.

Journalism and communications are poor choices and too narrow.

My son did Business Management, graduated this summer and got the first graduate job he applied for, working in London now. He is pretty much the only one of his friends that found a graduate job so quickly. I work in IT and BM grads are highly favoured for IT Sales and Marketing and earn very well. I work with a load of 30 somethings that are earning crazy money (lawyer/banker level) and paid off their loans in the first few years. I have to confess I was a little sceptical about a Business degree, having done a science subject myself, but it seems to be very useful for graduate employment from what I can see and with languages as well, I think your daughter probably knows what she is doing!

Excellent 🎣

Nobody in the history of education thought studying literature was 'cool'?

Sunday nights are always good for landing shark sized fish.

No disrespect OP, but I wouldn't have thought sociology is considered to be "prestigious" degree? A degree in business with Spanish and Italian on the other hand,
will open up so many opportunities for your daughter.

Quite!