AIBU to feel disappointed that my daughter has chosen a less prestigious college and a more practical degree?

[Idealist3]

My daughter is doing a degree in Business with Spanish and Italian, and she is very happy with her choice of college and course.

She had enough points to get into a more prestigious college and could have studied subjects such as humanities, communications or journalism. However, she was quite determined to do this particular course because she wanted something more practical and less theoretical. She also liked the industry links and the fact that there is a mandatory year abroad in Spain.

I completely understand her reasoning, and I have always wanted my children to make their own decisions about their lives. I don't want to be the kind of parent who tries to dictate what they should study or what career they should pursue.

However, if I'm honest, I feel disappointed, and I feel guilty about feeling that way.

My own degree was in Literature and Sociology at a good college, and I suppose I had hoped she might follow a more academic route. I value the intellectual side of a university education and had imagined her studying something along those lines at a more prestigious institution. I think I had an idea in my head of the sort of university experience I would have liked her to have.

Part of me worries that, given her academic ability, she could have challenged herself more and that she might be missing out on a richer university experience. I also wonder whether a degree from a more prestigious college might have opened up different opportunities for her in the future.

At the same time, I realise that she has thought about what she wants and has chosen a course that genuinely appeals to her. She isn't disappointed with her choice or wishing she had done something else. In fact, she's happy, which is what I should want for her.

I know that practical degrees can lead to good careers, and I can see the advantages of learning languages, spending a year abroad and having industry connections. I'm not suggesting that her course is a bad one, and I certainly don't want her to feel that I'm unhappy with her decision.

I think what I'm struggling with is that she has had the academic ability to pursue a different route but has actively chosen not to. Perhaps I had hoped she would value some of the things I valued about university.

I have always believed that my children should make their own choices, and I know it would be unfair to expect her to follow the path I took or to choose a degree based on prestige alone.

So, AIBU to feel disappointed, even though I respect her decision and am glad she's happy? Am I being too hung up on academic prestige and the kind of education I personally value? Or is it understandable to feel that she could have made more of her academic potential, even if she sees things differently?

I don't want to project my own expectations onto her, but I can't quite shake the feeling that I wish she'd chosen differently. I feel bad about that because, ultimately, it's her life and her decision.

I'd appreciate some honest perspectives, particularly from people whose children have chosen a different path from the one they might have hoped for them. How do you let go of your own expectations and feel genuinely happy for your child when their choices aren't quite what you imagined?

I have a journalism degree from a technical college/poly equivalent, and it doesn't impress anyone. I also speak a fair few languages and people find that far more interesting. Didn't even learn most of them in formal education.

Sociology, literature and psychology are for stoners and dropouts where I went to uni.

Cut the apron strings, mammy :) She may want to get away from Ireland, let her!

First post nails it.

Isn’t her degree course much more academic (and less “practical”) than communications or journalism?!

What a snob. I’d be glad I had a lovely well adjusted daughter and that she’s doing what she wants where she wants to do it, she might be massively successful in the field she’s chosen. Surely you should be happy that she is happy, she’s achieved and will likely continue to do so. That’s our jobs as parents, not to feel like our children didn’t just do well enough by our standards, I’d hate to think my kids thought that.

Yeah I am also dubious about this thread. On the basis that it may be true, or maybe others will read it and have the same questions, some thoughts:

• In England (or indeed Ireland) @Idealist3 it’s university where you study for a degree. College is an option for A levels and other quals post 16, so your OP is misleading and confusing
• As many PPs note, a degree in humanities, comms or journalism is no more prestigious than one in MFL or business
• Most graduate roles that you can access with any of those degrees will be accessible with all of them (as in, a role that will require a BA or BSc degree)
• Speaking as a former newspaper journalist, a journalism degree is not essential for the role; besides which there are very few jobs in the industry anyway nowadays
• I would suggest that a degree in business + MFL is hardly likely to lead straight to a job. MFL is my subject and the main role it leads directly to to is teaching MFL. However, I do agree that it is overall a more marketable degree choice than literature and sociology (not sure where you could take that degree anyway)

Can you say where your DD is studying? Is it at TU Dublin as suggested by a PP? If her uni has strong links to industry that may be helpful to her going forward as well. What sort of role might she be targeting? Does she even want to work in comms? If so her degree choice is just fine btw.

In defence tho of other subjects, a lot of PPs here (I imagine in order to point out the error of her ways to the OP) are dissing sociology and literature and humanities; none of those are easy degrees (as if there is such a thing). It makes me spit when people suggest sociology is an easy route to a degree, or a degree subject that is in any way undervalued. It is important, challenging and relevant. But if the OP's DD prefers MFL and business then that is a better choice for her for sure.

Did you want her to go to Trinners?

Only the snobbiest gowls go there these days.

She is much better off in a TU.

Let her live her life.

She says she is in Ireland.

We call it college.

Thats where you go after secondary school.

Just advise her to become a Plumber or Electrican and don’t bother with the uni debt

Surely you choose your degree based on what job you want to do. Sounds like she has her head screwed on.

She sounds sensible to me.

OP, it’s understandable that you could be disappointed if you value Humanities so much and wanted your daughter to enjoy a college experience similar to yours.

HOWEVER, I hope you don’t share your disappointment with HER. Be proud of
her. She’s found a path she’s good at and has things on track to reach her goals. Please celebrate your good fortune.

There are many posts on here bemoaning children and young adults who are in trouble, gone no contact, do drugs, or simply can’t get themselves together. Your daughter will be fine. Take an interest in what she’s interested in. Find enjoyable things to do together.

They are not useless. You just don’t like them.

My degree was in modern languages and was very academic and extremely hard work. In fact when I was at uni we (possibly unfairly) considered sociology a lightweight degree in comparison. I don't know where you got your ideas about languages as a subject but I feel you're way off the mark.
Adding business studies to languages is a pragmatic approach. Sounds like she's thought through not only what she will enjoy but also what will prepare her well for the world of work.
She's certainly more clued up than you are, in my opinion.

OP, you can expect some Humanities bashing, I think. Many people these days view higher education is simply a means to an end, essentially like a trade school. They have no interest in being well rounded, informed, or culturally literate; they are only interested in learning business, tech, engineering, or whatever. But other people concentrate on their field of study, but also enjoy other disciplines.

A friend told me, “Once you accept and embrace who your children ARE, both your lives get better.” That’s my advice to regarding your daughter. Feel a little bit sad for a few days if you need to. Do not tell your daughter. Support her in her goals.

OP may be in the US. There are universities and colleges.

Americans don’t apply to university to study a particular course. They get into a university and then select their major 12-18 months down the line, sometimes with one or two minors.

With the exception of the weird use of the word ‘college’, all the other context clues indicate that OP is British.