AIBU to feel disappointed that my daughter has chosen a less prestigious college and a more practical degree?

[Idealist3]

My daughter is doing a degree in Business with Spanish and Italian, and she is very happy with her choice of college and course.

She had enough points to get into a more prestigious college and could have studied subjects such as humanities, communications or journalism. However, she was quite determined to do this particular course because she wanted something more practical and less theoretical. She also liked the industry links and the fact that there is a mandatory year abroad in Spain.

I completely understand her reasoning, and I have always wanted my children to make their own decisions about their lives. I don't want to be the kind of parent who tries to dictate what they should study or what career they should pursue.

However, if I'm honest, I feel disappointed, and I feel guilty about feeling that way.

My own degree was in Literature and Sociology at a good college, and I suppose I had hoped she might follow a more academic route. I value the intellectual side of a university education and had imagined her studying something along those lines at a more prestigious institution. I think I had an idea in my head of the sort of university experience I would have liked her to have.

Part of me worries that, given her academic ability, she could have challenged herself more and that she might be missing out on a richer university experience. I also wonder whether a degree from a more prestigious college might have opened up different opportunities for her in the future.

At the same time, I realise that she has thought about what she wants and has chosen a course that genuinely appeals to her. She isn't disappointed with her choice or wishing she had done something else. In fact, she's happy, which is what I should want for her.

I know that practical degrees can lead to good careers, and I can see the advantages of learning languages, spending a year abroad and having industry connections. I'm not suggesting that her course is a bad one, and I certainly don't want her to feel that I'm unhappy with her decision.

I think what I'm struggling with is that she has had the academic ability to pursue a different route but has actively chosen not to. Perhaps I had hoped she would value some of the things I valued about university.

I have always believed that my children should make their own choices, and I know it would be unfair to expect her to follow the path I took or to choose a degree based on prestige alone.

So, AIBU to feel disappointed, even though I respect her decision and am glad she's happy? Am I being too hung up on academic prestige and the kind of education I personally value? Or is it understandable to feel that she could have made more of her academic potential, even if she sees things differently?

I don't want to project my own expectations onto her, but I can't quite shake the feeling that I wish she'd chosen differently. I feel bad about that because, ultimately, it's her life and her decision.

I'd appreciate some honest perspectives, particularly from people whose children have chosen a different path from the one they might have hoped for them. How do you let go of your own expectations and feel genuinely happy for your child when their choices aren't quite what you imagined?

In fairness, a business degree doesn’t either…

Hmm. Which “colleges” are you referring to, OP?

Eh? Is this rage bait? Communications and journalism are not particularly prestigious degrees, and neither is sociology. But you must know that?

Look, OP, you’re doing exactly what my parents did when they tried to pressure me into leaving school at 15 and train as a hairdresser because university was ‘only for rich people’. I went to Oxford, and my parents were disappointed because I didn’t lead the kind of ‘recognisable’ life they’d envisaged for me (being a SAHM to a large family, with a ‘little job’) My achievements didn’t ‘count’ because they didn’t recognise them as valid.

You think you’re being different because your aspirations for your child are ‘higher’ than my parents’ were for me, but in fact it’s the same thing. It’s ‘I want you to live the kind of life I think you should live, not the one you want.’

I try not to be an intellectual snob. Not a v attractive trait. BUT if I was being snobby, I'd look down on Communications and Journalism. How many of the top journalists in this country did their first degree in Journalism? Very few, I'd wager. I'd also look down on a degree in 'Literature' if it wasn't more specific e.g. English literature or French literature or Latin and Greek literature. Studying literature in translation would be embarrassingly unacademic.

But hey ho. You do you, OP. You can't help how you feel, but please don't let your daughter catch on.

I find it strange that someone so concerned with prestige is calling universities ‘colleges.’

You think a degree including two languages is less academic than Literature and Sociology, or Journalism??

That is actually laughable.

Me too. They seem to have a certain style in common. Also very repetitive. Prestigious / prestige used 6 times.

This is just another bilge thread isn't it.

YABU vocational is the smart way to go. I say this as someone with an Oxbridge degree who never used the degree subject in my actual career.

I’m guessing op is American, so no idea how things are there, but in the uk many grad schemes are institution blind, and even those who aren’t are more concerned with your actual degree content these days

Exactly - most of the UK’s top journalists did history and/or politics at Oxford, Cambridge, LSE, Durham or Edinburgh and then maybe did an MA in Journalism at City, University of London. Journalism as an undergraduate degree isn’t prestigious in the slightest…

Hmmm. Where are you? In UK people don't generally attend 'colleges' for degree -level education, but universities. (Oxford and Csmbridge Universities are made up.of individual colleges.) Anyway, to answer your question: yes, I think you are being unreasonable - for all the reasons others hsve given. Good luck to your daughter, who seems to be a sensible young woman. And - out of interest - what DID you do with your degree?

Business degrees have pretty good outcomes. No degree guarantees anything, but business with languages is a choice with prospects.

I don’t think so - all the Americans I know would say ‘school’ instead of ‘college’ in this context.

In most universities Business is harder to get into than English and/or Sociology. It’s a hugely popular subject and is attractive to employers and for many postgrad courses in, for example, law and accountancy. Students need to write essays, reports, and do accounting, finance, and statistics, so it’s a challenging degree. My DD is not doing business but she is doing a joint degree with a language and is having the most amazing year abroad. I think your DD has chosen subjects that will make her much more employable and relevant in today’s competitive job market.

But with languages it's better

However, to be fair, my DD did nursing and so she's never going to be out of work.

If she wants something practical I’m surprised she’s chosen Business. Prepare to be presented with a load of contradictory, poorly put together, theoretical models!!!

I’d be a bit disappointed if my DD chose Business, so I get it. Discourses undermining the arts and humanities have been around for a long time now, and they’ve had a big impact. Society/education won’t be the better for it.

But if she’s driven and passionate about the subject, I’m sure she’ll do well and I couldn’t get too worked up.

Does she know what it will be like? If it’s college I’m guessing she hasn’t studied it before. I hope she isn’t disappointed.

Yes, it is.

load of dog. presumably made the choice at least a year ago so why bring it up now. bs

Maybe from top institutions but otherwise that isn’t the case. There’s a major over-saturation of business graduates at the moment, and has been for a number of years. Business grads have been massively underperforming relative to their peers - in employment rates and average earnings.

https://www.timeshighereducation.com/news/low-outcomes-business-courses-blamed-recruitment-pressures

You just want to boast to people about how she's at Cambridge/Oxford wherever.

"Oh yes, Araminthia is reading law at blahdeblah, we're oh so verrrryyy proud of our little Minty, yes, isn't she wonderful,and aren't I such a fantastic mother???!?"

Have little look inside and think about why that is more important than her happiness and fulfilment..

Even nursing isn’t the guarantee it once was given the current NHS recruitment freeze. Loads of this year’s nursing grads are still unemployed.

I noticed this and was expecting it to be about sixth form education. We use university for degree level education @Idealist3. Makes me suspect AI even more….

Why do you keep saying “college”? What do you mean?

In the UK there is either a college as a constituent of Oxford or Cambridge (which makes no sense in the context of what you are saying) or a further education college which is not a university, and you seem to be suggesting she is at university but just not one that you think is good enough?

Why is your terminology all over the place? AI?