In laws wrote me out of will - AIBU to be offended?

[Watdidusay]

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

Not a line that excludes me - a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me.

It's not about the money - more just I feel this is a statement.

I have a great relationship with my in laws or at least that's how I thought. Married 22 years. FIL has always been paranoid about being taken advantage of and I believe this is in that vein.

Still I feel after all this time I don't know why they felt the need to do this.

AIBU to be annoyed they went out of their way to exclude me? Not about the money.

Are you their only ‘in-law’ child? It does seem a bit odd to specify like that. Presumably the will states who they do want to receive their money? That will be who gets it. If they’ve left it to your DH, I’m not sure they can dictate from the grave who he spends it on once he’s received it.

Do you mean DH has been informed by his dad (not his FIL as you’ve put)? I don’t think it’s that normal to include DIL/SILs as specific recipients in a will - isn’t the norm that it goes to the child and they share it with their spouse as they see fit? I have a great relationship with my PILs and I’m not in, and would not expect to be in, their will. I wouldn’t get wound up about this…

Did he, aye? Or is this your DH's way of saying any inheritance he receives isn't going in the family pot?

That’s very odd
It would be unusual for someone to name a dil in their will unless their son had died but a DIL unless named would have no right to inherit so no need to specifically say they were not to inherit
What he says he has put in the Will doesn’t prevent your DH sharing his inheritance with you

Seems odd as you wouldn't put in a will that Bob gets £50, Mary gets £50, Babs gets £0?

Assuming there is a supplementary wording, is it his legally inept attempt at protecting his sons future inheritance if you get divorced?

It’s normal to leave everything to your DC. It’s up to them how they spend it. The line in the will is odd and unnecessary.

I’m not sure why they would feel the need to do this as there wouldn’t normally be anything left specifically to a daughter (or son) in law. The inheritance would go to their children, and if your spouse chooses to share that money with you (as would be normal), then it’s totally up to him.

I’d be wondering why your DH mentioned this to you as it won’t affect you in any way and will only sour your relationship with them.

That seems very odd. You usually list who you include and in what order, not who you're not including. If they're not named, they're not included.

I assume my MIL's will doesn't have a line excluding me, however I assume her son is named as the direct beneficiary with our children named next in line to him. I wouldn't expect to warrant a mention at all.

FIL sounds unhinged. Assuming the will leaves money and assets to your DH, how does FIL think he can prevent your DH from sharing with you if he chooses to do so?

More info needed.

Is DH only child.
Do you have children?

It is worded that if DH predeceases his parents then you don't inherit and your DC do? That would be usual.

It sounds like they don’t want them to become marital assets.

Isnt your husband's father in law, your father?
Weird post.

I think FIl is just being a twat. If you're married, his son's inheritance is part of the pot. If you're not married, you'd not get anything anyway I presume.

What he's saying carries no weight? Anyway, sorry, it's just a bit, well unnecessary isn't it? Certainly unnecessary to try and hurt your feelings.

It is quite odd and I don’t think it works in practice if you are married. You would have to get legal advice but if dh inherits and you divorce you would still usually have some claim on it I believe. If stay married it’s a bit meaningless in the context of a normal marriage anyway.

I don't think it is common for in laws to leave money to their children's husbands or wives? It generally goes to their children and grandchildren. I wouldn't expect money to come to me from my in laws. How odd.

But, it is also odd that they have explicitly excluded you by name. Old folk are odd. I assume your DH will share in any event. All our inheritances just went into the family pot. No specific delineation of the monies once they are in the pot.

I don’t think it is normal to specify who shouldn’t get it. If it is a substantial inheritance then what is the DH meant to do with it, so that OP doesn’t benefit from it in anyway? Go on expensive holidays without her, buy a second home that she isn’t allowed to visit, buy fancy food that she isn’t allowed to eat

So you heard about this through your DH. What was his reaction?

More to the point, is he worried about his FILs state of mind? Because if he's reporting verbatim what his father said (and really, WHY?) then this sounds as though he might be in the early stages of dementia and trying to lock down and control those things he feels he can control.

Or your DH is on a mission for some reason...

a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me

😅😅😅😅

Your dh needs to ask how this works...
If he buys a car with it can you not sit in it?
Does he have to take his once in a lifetime safari solo?

Fwiw i would 100% not expect to feature in the inlaws will and my dh certainly doesnt feature in my DMs

Were you in a previous will? Why on earth has this come up now? How’s your marriage…?

Do you have children that aren't your DH's? That the money goes to them might be something your FIL would be worried about?

If the money is kept completely separate, then under English law I think it could be excluded from marital assets, but if say it is put towards family home then it would be included

I wasn’t in MILs will. Everything went to DH. As it should be.

There was a time years ago when MIL asked a solicitor about making DH joint owner of her house so he’d not have to pay inheritance tax. Solicitor advised her against it because of the possibility that I could then get him to put her in a home later and grab her house. I was momentarily insulted, but realised it wasn’t about me: it was just a generally good idea to protect MIL and DH.

OP I imagine it’s something your ILs have been advised to do. I wouldn’t take it personally.

Inheritance isn't a marital asset (presuming you're in the UK) so I assume that line is in there to hammer home the fact that it's his son's and not yours incase you were to ever divorce or want a say in what it is spent on

What practical impact are you expecting this to have? Surely the inheritance will go to your husband as usual (assuming "his FiL" is a type and you mean his dad. your FIL) and then your husband will proceed to do what he wants with it. which could include sharing it with you or spending it on stuff for the house etc.

If it's just your FIL's paranoia then I don't think it would carry any weight on its own and I would try not to worry about it. But if your husband would use it as a reason to actively lock it away from you that is more of an issue. My husband would just laugh at the clause and treat it as a family asset.

I wasn't named in my PILs will and DH wasn't named in my parent's will.

Having said that, there also wasn't anything along the lines you have described either.

I suspect you PILs want to keep it as "family" money so it's available in its whole to your DH and then he decides what to do with it, rather than you receive a chunk in your own name which you might not use in a family orientated way.

But the wording you describe is odd, I think. You may get on with them very well, but maybe they view you as having extravagant spending habits or generally not good with money. You can still like someone but think they have too many handbags and shoes - not saying you do - and they don't want their money going that way.