In laws wrote me out of will - AIBU to be offended?

[Watdidusay]

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

Not a line that excludes me - a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me.

It's not about the money - more just I feel this is a statement.

I have a great relationship with my in laws or at least that's how I thought. Married 22 years. FIL has always been paranoid about being taken advantage of and I believe this is in that vein.

Still I feel after all this time I don't know why they felt the need to do this.

AIBU to be annoyed they went out of their way to exclude me? Not about the money.

Right?!

Tbh I wouldn't expect anything from in-laws anyway, why would you?, but to be specifically told that you're in a will as a target like that, would be quite unsettling.

If that's the way they feel about you OP, then I probably not give them he time of day while they're alive. It's nothing to do with whether they're going to leave something when they're dead.

Id also be giving husband what for for telling you his parents don't like you, it would be gutting..

Weird of your DH to announce that to you. Questionable, in fact.

Do they have any other children that are married, and if so are they also excluded?

Haven't seen a copy of the will so no idea - think they just named DH and any of his kids.

That was another thing they laboured ith me was my kids were not named it was DH kids in case DH had more kids - which TBH I though was standard and a good idea.

But that's what I thought - if still married and he's alive to inherit I'd indirectly benefit even if we saw it as his money.

Could this be a clause to ensure that if you and your husband separated you can't then take any of his inheritance in the divorce? When we did our will my brother was separated and we had to write a clause to say my sis in law wouldn't get anything

My dad said to my husband that if I die before him (my dad) then my inheritence will skip straight to our kids and not him.
DH was a bit taken aback by that.

Yes, I think so too.

My parents' will states something to the effect of all of their assets go to me but if I die before they do the inheritance I would have received passes directly to my DDs. So technically DH is excluded which I think is pretty normal although he of course would also benefit from money I inherited if it gets paid off the mortgage or we go on holiday or whatever.

The line in your FIL's will is odd if you are specifically excluded since you would be excluded by default anyway and given that I'm questioning why your DH told you? It does read very much like he will be spending all of his inheritance on himself and is pre-warning you that he's not going to share it as "family money." It seems needlessly harsh to upset you like that.

I've just posted similar and I'm surprised your DH was taken aback.... it's a pretty normal provision in a will as otherwise you could die, DH inherit your share and then remarry and his new spouse inherit all of your family money and your children receive nothing. We had exactly this situation happen with our cousins where their stepmother ended up with everything and they got nothing so it does happen and the stipulation in your parents' will (and mine) is designed to protect that.

Definitely a little odd! I found mum’s will in her house this week (thank goodness, cos her solicitor is beyond useless, couldn’t find her on the system, hadn’t got round to looking in the filing cabinet because it doesn’t open properly, didn’t call back as promised, hasn’t registered the will on the Will register 🤦🏼‍♀️). It specifies everything to be split 50/50 with my sibling, doesn’t exclude or mention spouses.

Same here.

This is missing the point.
Usual for a DIL/SIL not to be a named beneficiary.
Unusual to include specific provisions excluding a named DIL from benefitting.

Additionally of course there is nothing to stop the OP's husband spending the inheritance as soon as he gets it.

THIS.

I'm not expecting any money off my ILs. If DH dies before them then I'd hope they would give his share to their DGC but I can't expect that necessarily.

Its not that unusual for people to think about how money can go to their dc but not end up with the wives should there be a death or divorce.

It's probably something a lawyer drafted for them rather than anything against you but I say yanbu to be offended. Maybe you're a lovely person who would not dream of taking in law's money in the event of divorce but the sad reality is that a lot of people are greedy and avaricious and want half their spouses inheritance in the event of divorce.

I would consider a clause like this. I am not mega rich and I have worked hard all my life so anything left over I want my sons to enjoy. I'd be gutted if I gave them say £100k in my will but they only got £50k of it. If course if they stay married then they still get to enjoy the full amount with their spouse.

That is probably his intention. That none of his money goes to you but passes down to your children. I think this is fair enough.

True. Perhaps they were trying to rectify a badly worded original will?

I don’t understand why you would need to explicitly exclude someone as surely they wouldn’t have received anything if they weren’t previously listed as a beneficiary. And how do you stop someone else giving the OP something? Like her husband.

You use the word line. My parents had a direct line will, that’s how it was worded to me. In essence if I died, my children would inherit my share.
However, MIL will stated that if DH pre deceased her, his sister would inherit his share. Their money, their wishes.

My FIL has the same view of me as yours seems to have of you. Apparently I married DH for his money. Despite the fact I have out earned him since the day I met him, even when part time with the DC. Even though I put down the 10% deposit on our first home. Even though I have zero designer handbags and drive a 10 year old Skoda!

I hope he skips a generation and gives it all to our DC because by the time he dies, we'll already be sorted in our lives, down to my hard work and fiscal planning. But it would make a huge difference to the DC with studying, houses, weddings, kids etc.

You can't control how people feel about you but you can control how they make you feel. I have taken to basically ignoring his opinion on everything and doing whatever I want. If trying to be nice and compromise for 25 years has led to this opinion of me, I may as well do as I please. It can't get any worse!

Do you mean if you predeceased your parents? If not then I don't think it would be effective to ensure that you had to leave the inheritance to your children when you died. To ensure that they'd have to set it up as a trust to stop you spending it or giving/willing it to anyone else and to protect it from divorce. Otherwise it has no more legal status than an expressed wish.

I sometimes think PIL who try to make provisions like this to try and block the DIL/SIL getting part of the inheritance in a divorce, channelling it to the grandchildren instead, are missing that there would be a further risk down the line - that the grandchildren will probably marry at some point and the inheritance will be at risk from divorce anyway.

It would be weird for them to leave anything to you- they will leave it to their child/ ren and grandchildren. Mentioning you specifically to exclude you is even weirder, they must not like you.

@Watdidusay - I think the concern here is what happens if your husband predeceases you. Does that mean that nothing of what he has inherited can ever come to you? Because I think that is a risk inherent in that language and that, to me, is not necessarily a correct outcome. FIL has now died; MIL (FIL's sole beneficiary) is still alive; I have had a great relationship with both of them but did not expect to receive anything in their will - they have split their estate between DH (only child) and our two DCs which I think is right. However, special wording has been included in MIL's will to ensure that, if DH predeceases me, his share of his inheritance from MIL passes to me rather than passing to our DCs. I knew nothing about this but MIL and DH were happy with this and told me about this after the will had been amended. Of course, the fact that DH is an only child is probably relevant here.

I don’t know. It seems v odd - but then it’s all third hand news so perhaps it’s been mangled in translation somewhere. It’s not like the Op can or should ask to see the wording! That would be weird!

You are taxed on any money left in your will that is not to a direct relative. My DH was written out of my DF will for that reason. We are fine with it.

I would say that it is unusual in wills to name people specifically to ensure they do not get any money, also your husband telling you is somewhat odd. As a non direct descendant I would not expect to be left any money.

I would make sure that you are financially secure e.g. Are houses deeds in your name/joint or common tenet deeds. Do you and your husband have mirror wills etc

Do you have your own savings/pensions?

On the flip side, I would make sure that as your in-laws get older that you do not do any care for them at all. They are putting it out there that they do not like you. Live your life and do not fall on any social pressures to look after them as you are a women.

This seems quite perceptive