In laws wrote me out of will - AIBU to be offended?

[Watdidusay]

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

Not a line that excludes me - a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me.

It's not about the money - more just I feel this is a statement.

I have a great relationship with my in laws or at least that's how I thought. Married 22 years. FIL has always been paranoid about being taken advantage of and I believe this is in that vein.

Still I feel after all this time I don't know why they felt the need to do this.

AIBU to be annoyed they went out of their way to exclude me? Not about the money.

If that’s true l hope he’s prepared for the fall out if OP brings it up !!

I would be hurt by this. I would want my husband to tell FIL to understand not to ask you to lift a finger to help him in his old age. Care will not be given by me. If we are not family I have no obligation to get involved at all. It isn’t about the money it’s about being told you are not part of the family. What they reap they sow. Your husband can do their shopping and change their linen etc if they need help.

A precursor to keeping it for himself because ‘it was what they wanted’ ?

I can't see any other reason why he would tell you this. This is more worrying.

That’s very odd indeed, have you spoken to them and asked what’s behind this,

who told you this, if it was your husband I’d be worried there is no such line and he does not wish to share,so is blaming his parents,

if it’s them, do they think your marriage is in trouble?

This was my immediate thought, is it even true,

What an odd thing to do and how odd of dh to tell you. If one partner receives an inheritance then surely it’s for the pot (so to speak). I inherited a large sum. It was “our” money. Weird.

Let them do what they want. Just tell DH you don’t want to hear anything about it.

Absolutely this. It’s unpleasantly specific and seems to state that DH is not to share the inheritance with OP and presumably if DH pre-deceases her before his parents, the inheritance would be divided between his siblings, or pass to his children - OP hasn’t stated if they have any.

Did your DH not say “why is that, Dad, what’s your concern?”

IL made a huge point I'd get nothing in their will - wasn't expecting to it goes to my DH and kids if there is anything as I expected.

I did find it odd that the point was constantly brought up and laboured - do not think there was any line in the will but the point was very OTT made.

There were alos thing about house - I put bulk of deposit up for - wasn't mine despite DH and I being married and on the deeds.

Frankly I think it was because I wasn't working ft like she did - as childcare costs would exceed my wage and had more than one child and then kids needed more support. Learnt to ignore it.

Surely your DH asked why?

Haven’t read all the replies but this seems both hurtful and very questionable. If he’s leaving money to your DH, and you are married, then surely this becomes a marital asset and there’s little your FIL can do about it, once he’s dead?!

Or is it that your DH is orchestrating ‘this is my money to do with as I choose’?

I’m in a different position because my in-laws hate me and I haven’t spoken to them in over a decade. I do wonder what will happen when they die! They won’t want money to come to me through DH, so I imagine they might leave money (if there is any) to our kids. That is a way to exclude ‘in law you don’t like’ from benefitting. Fine by me, but very odd given you’ve had a great relationship with him thus far.

When a woman gets an inheritance she is always told on here that it’s hers and she doesn’t need to share it with DH

I think it is normal for children’s spouses to be named. Certainly I was in my late PIL’s wills, and my brother was in his.

YABU. I would only ever leave my home and savings directly to my own child, or if they died, in the names of my grandchildren. If you didn’t have children then it would go to my other child/my siblings. You are not their child/blood family.

Whatever goes to your DH is yours too anyway. So don’t worry about it.

The money goes to the spouse first, and then the children. Who the children chose to share it with (or not) is up to them.

Are you sure this isn't a roundabout way of your DH telling you that he's considering the future inheritance his, and not a joint thing? It would be far easier to do a "Oh, FIL said..." than I "I want to keep all the money just for me."

well if the Op has been told the truth, its definitely not worded that way.

Parents in law would normally leave things to their children in their wills, not their children in law - they will inherit from their own parents.

My DH isn’t mentioned at all in my parents’ wills.

Oh. It could well be. I hadn’t thought of that.

I was not named in my late Fil's will, or my Mil's and I didn't expect to be. When my Fil passed, my late husband was named in his will but I was not so my late husbands inheritance went back into the residual pot. It was totally what i expected and I am still on good terms with my sisters in law

Isn’t an inheritance - once received - a marital asset? So would be divided 50-50 in the event of a divorce?

I also suspect that there is no such codicil in this will and that your DH is forewarning you that he’s going to spunk his settlement on himself and his own jollies rather than putting it into the family pot for joint spends.

How you come back from such selfishness and meanminded behaviour is unclear unless of course you are expecting to receive a similar inheritance which will not be shared out in the family.

maybe not. he could take the legacy left to him and spend it on fast cars. There is nothing to stop him.

Would you like the name of my FIL's shroud maker.
It's got huge pockets in order for him to take everything with him.
I suspect he'd like to turn his home into a mausoleum.

They are torn because dispite me being around for 30 years, another in-law for 20, the third sibling left his long-term girlfriend and has only been remarried for four years.

We're clearly all a load of feckless gold diggers. And of course you can't trust the grand children to be sensible because apparently too much money too young encourages indolence.

What's a man to do but take it all with him!