In laws wrote me out of will - AIBU to be offended?

[Watdidusay]

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

Not a line that excludes me - a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me.

It's not about the money - more just I feel this is a statement.

I have a great relationship with my in laws or at least that's how I thought. Married 22 years. FIL has always been paranoid about being taken advantage of and I believe this is in that vein.

Still I feel after all this time I don't know why they felt the need to do this.

AIBU to be annoyed they went out of their way to exclude me? Not about the money.

If you're married his son's inheritance is part of the pot

It's not actually as clear cut as that, at least in the UK. I assume your in-laws are signalling that they do not want it to be the case here. Ultimately though, it's up to your husband.

I wonder if FiL has got confused and meant to say that you weren't in the will, as opposed to being specifically named as a non-beneficiary.
All rather odd.

I think it's odd that they put that in a will, especially if as you say you generally get on well. Is it a recent will they've updated to include this ( I would be a bit insulted in this case, not because of money but because they went of their way to put this in their will as though they felt you were after their money when not mentioning you would have meant you get nothing anyway) or an older will made yewrs ago that they don't intend on changing? I would be less insulted by this, as they may not want to pay a solicitor to change it.

I probably wouldn't be too eager to help them out though with any care needs. Not leaving you anything is expected, it's your DH'S inheritance. The fact they went out of their way to stipulate you're not to benefit in any way feels pointed and almost mean, so I wouldn't go out of my way to help them if that's how they feel about you.

My parents wills specifically say that they're estate is to be divided between their (named) children and that in the event of a child pre-deceasing them, that child's share goes to any living grandchildren through that child and not to to the child's spouse or partner.

Not because they dont ljke or trust their various in laws, but because they wanted to future proof their will as much as possible to accommodate any changes that might have happened in the intervening period.

Could it be similar but your dh has got a slightly more aggressive form.of wording?

Hopefully op will not have to be in this situation. Google suggests that this is the case under English law but not always as it depends on what other assets there are. But this is presumably what FIL is aiming for. What does your dh say?

Yeah, I'd be wary of this, cos its meaningless in a legal document saying who doesn't get stuff.

I guess they think that if you divorce this will cover them from you taking half of DH inheritance. I do know someone who has disinherited his son and given to grandkids to avoid DIL inheriting ... she's truly awful with him though.

It wouldn’t be usual for her to inherit if he predeceased them , it would go to the kids. We’ve had it happen in my husband’s family.

I remember your previous thread! Is this because you’re not going to SILS wedding?

They sound batshit. I’d ignore it tbh.

To not name you is fine but to specifically name you to exclude you is very strange. What does your husband think?

You wouldn't receive any inheritance or assets directly, unless your husband decided to pass anything specific onto you, anyway! Your PIL can't dictate who your husband passes that inheritance onto, how it's spent or who he may treat, from beyond the grave.

My taking on the statement is that your FIL wants any inheritance your husband receives to be viewed as your husband's only and not joint with you. Therefore, in your FIL's mind, allowing your husband to spend on himself, rather than having to consult with you, on how it's spent.

They don't have to leave any money directly to you. In fact it would be quite unusual if they did.

But I fail to see how they can stop your husband from spending his own money they gave him on what or whoever he pleases? And if you divorce they or he can't somehow ring fence any assets purchased using it as not being spilt fairly?

I just don't see how that is even actionable? Dead people can't stop people from doing anything?

Could he be worried if you divorce you could go after half your husbands inheritance?

My parents are full of tales of evil women stealing inheritances and family homes in the divorce. Wills and divorced children became a hot topic at dinner parties once they hit 70!

my parents have mentioned grandchildren but not their sons in law in their will. I think they would also put in a line to say on the event of divorce keep your sticky hands off if they could!

If i was an in law id make it very clear the money was to go towards my own children. You should never expect anything.

So your PIL's will includes a clause that specifically states that none of your DH's share of the inheritance can be shared with you or spent on you? So, for example, if he bought a new car, you should never be allowed to drive it or travel in it?

If that is what it means, it is crazy and unenforceable and very spiteful!

So it could likely be to protect their son. My parents will is clear in that in benefits my siblings and I. Nothing is left to spouses as "individuals" but obviously they would benefit from our share if they were still married to us. Its to prevent in case of a divorce a claim being made. I wouldnt read too much into it. If youre still with DH youll treat it as any other money you have and if youre not they were right to exclude you.

I think its normal. And I think its their money. Their choice.

Do you think your father in law is trying to influence your husband’s will? I hope his solicitor has explained that’s not how it works. V odd.

It cant have that clause. Becuase once its her DHs its his.

They can make stipulations about conditions needed for him to recieve it but once he has it its his

My late paternal grandmother had two sons, my father and my uncle. Her will stated that if my uncle died first, his share of her estate would be left to his two children. If my father died first, his share would be absorbed back into the estate.

So a neat way of cutting myself and my two brothers from her will without actually saying it...in effect, she acted as if we didn't exist. She hated my mother and didn't have much affection for us, either. My parents had been divorced for a number of years when the will was written.

I won't lie, seeing that in her will did hurt. But I now think 'fuck her' and you should think the same about your FIL.

To me it would be usual for your dh to be the sole official recipient out of you two. What would not be usual, would be a stipulation that you were to get nothing at all, perhaps meaning nothing in the way of e.g. household or personal items.

My dh was not specifically named in my DM’s will, but she knew that whatever I received would be ‘ours’. And a childless aunt named all of her nieces and nephews, but none of their spouses. IMO that is entirely normal.

A relative of dh did cut one of his brothers out of her will, but that was because he had a seriously spendthrift wife, and the relative didn’t want her getting her hands on any of the money to waste! But by the time the relative died they were divorced anyway, and the others made a deed of variation to reinstate him.

I'd add too, that it sounds as if your PIL want your husband to make sure, in the event of his death, that you don't benefit from any inheritance from them, that he may have received. Not sure how legally that could be put into practice though. It's something your husband would have to specifically do with a solicitor's advice, in order to carry out his parents wishes.

Are you sure he hasn’t just included the standard clause that if your DH money dies, the inheritance goes directly to the children. That is typical and is in both my parents and my in laws’s wills.

Yep.
I would be wondering.
I would also be asking FIL is it true?
If it is, I would adjust my behaviour accordingly.
I wouldn't dream of expecting money from my in laws, but that is an unpleasant statement.
If it's true, I would be glad to know now and would respond in kind.

I imagine he’s considering the possibility that his son and DIL may have split up by then. It does happen sometimes. Not all relationships last forever. And he probably wants to ensure clarification that she is not entitled to anything, in case she might choose to challenge the will (eg if they were still legally married but were planning to separate).

I think the best way to handle inheritance is to actually read the will and discuss it with the person while they are still alive. When MIL died, I was left nothing, but got given jewellery, because DH was still alive, whereas DBIL predeceased MIL so my SIL and their children were named, as were me and DC in the event DH had predeceased MIL.