In laws wrote me out of will - AIBU to be offended?

[Watdidusay]

My DH has been informed by his FIL there's a line in his will that says I'm not to receive anything.

Not a line that excludes me - a line that says money and assets are not to be received by me.

It's not about the money - more just I feel this is a statement.

I have a great relationship with my in laws or at least that's how I thought. Married 22 years. FIL has always been paranoid about being taken advantage of and I believe this is in that vein.

Still I feel after all this time I don't know why they felt the need to do this.

AIBU to be annoyed they went out of their way to exclude me? Not about the money.

I agree with the clause Sparky mentions and that is how I would expect it to be worded.

But in OP's case she's been told that there is a clause specifically to say she, by name , must not get anything. There is no need to say this.

My Mum had a line in a new Will she had had drafted which explicitly stated that she was excluding my sister from inheriting. She was apparently advised to do this by the solicitor who had drawn up the Will. I think it was to preclude my sister from challenging it, or possibly as a warning to me not to share the inheritance (a useless thing - I would have shared it regardless). I think it was the former.

As it turned out she had a stroke which rendered her incapable of going ahead with the new Will, so the former one which split the estate between me and my sister remained in place.

Common to name your own child in a will, but if they are married, that becomes a joint asset surely - ie if your child dies years later, their spouse would be entitled to that (unless your child made a will saying otherwise).

Let’s say OP’s DH is gifted 100k from his parents in the will. The issue could be, if OP’s DH is a twat, he would say ‘this 100k is just mine, I’m going to spend it all now on a flash car for myself’ (or whatever). Nothing OP can do about that, apart from LTB 😂

I wonder who drew up this will--a lawyer or a will-making service or a DIY kit?

Not RTFT so this could very much be "cancel the cheque" but your FIL has made his intentions clear, make sure you reciprocate by letting him know in advance that you won't be running round after them as they age or doing any age related care- that will all fall to their son....as it should.

I would tell FiL what DH has told you and ask FIL if you have done anything to offend ?

Whilst you did not expect to be in the will and dont want anything from them you were shocked to be named and shamed like s gold digger scammer

Interested in this! How did the will phrase that? As I said with my in-laws, I imagine that that they will leave money to our kids. That’s fine by me and DH - we don’t need anything from them.

However, if they leave money to my DH, how on earth could they legally stipulate I shouldn’t benefit from it?! It would be up to DH what to do with the money…and they would be dead?!

My parents leave assets to me & my brothers (no spouses mentioned) & assume by PIL have done the same.

If DH dies before me then I would inherit his assets, including anything that was left from his inheritance from his parents.

I don't know anyone who leaves anything to a sone or daughter in law.

My MIL wants me to have a piece of jewellery (sentimental rather than value) but other than that it would be weird to be mentioned in their will.

I meant if my child died before, I would then put their share in my grandchildren’s names. A lot would depend on the relationship I had with their spouse beforehand. If they had caused familial difficulties and spent little time with us, then I may put it straight in GCs names to start with. I certainly wouldn’t want want to fund an ILs second marriage/lifestyle if they were to blow money meant eventually for GC.

My DH’s auntie is doing this. She has no children, and will leave her money to my DH and one of his brothers, but not the other brother. His wife has spent decades provoking arguments, being rude to people for no reason and blowing all her husband’s money, so his Auntie will protect that part for their children (her Great niblings). And rightly so.

Yeah he could, but OP has been married to him for over 20 years, she knows by now if he’s an arsehole or not.

I know that in threads here people sometimes say that legally it’s better to say that you explicitly donr leave anything to person X as it reduces the chances of a successful challenge. But I’ve no idea if that’s legally correct.

My late FIL has excluded both me and ds from his will following his son DH’s death, but not by any specific statement. I suspected this was the case but only found out for sure after probate. Tbh I’ve now realised his focus was on supporting another child of his who is vulnerable and unlikely to work again - both ds and I are healthy and earning. Very reasonable, though I do wish he’d left a keepsake to ds. The trend does appear to be to minimise what goes into the will as presumably more words usually equals more legal vulnerability.

It’s not really the same issue though. l haven’t seen many men posting here in the same vein as being told specifically that they couldn’t access any of their wife’s inheritance.

So your dad??

Assuming there is a supplementary wording, is it his legally inept attempt at protecting his sons future inheritance if you get divorced?

That's what came to mind when I read the OP.

But equally nothing turns people into arseholes faster than money - or in this case the prospect of it.

Yep. This is a natural consequence. You reap as you sow. Also known as Karma’s a bitch !!

FIL may think it protects his son in the event of divorce.

It's slightly odd to name but not unheard of. My MIL has done similar but put not to spouses rather then my name or SIL partners name. Honestly I just shrug it off, I have never once made claim to any of DHs inheritance in the past from his grandparents.

I don't see it as family money I wasn't named as a beneficiary therefore it's his to do as he wishes. He chooses to do house stuff with it and the children's accounts. But I wouldn't dream of ever saying put it in the general family pot.

Quite right too - what if you remarry and the money will go to the new husband and possibly his children

I was referring to the poster who said "don't worry, it will be yours anyway as though that was an unarguable fact.

Wouldn’t get excited by this I mean how’s that going to work
it normal for money to be left to children with no mention of partner
if he dies get anything it up to him how to spend it anyway
chances they know someone who got divorced and lots half there inheritance

at the end of the day 50% of marriages fail
a lot of these are mid to late 50’s they’ve ploughed everything into there kids neglected there marriage and when kids leave home there unhappy and separate
i know more people who have separated in late 50’s than every other age group

Maybe they mean if you split up or he died? Our money goes to our children and if not to our grandchildren. Nothing to in laws as they could remarry.

No inheritance is not normally included in the division unless there isn't enough money to support everyone.

Since Standish v Standish unless money belonging to one party is shared with the other or used as 'family' money it is excluded from any divorce settlement.

What jurisdiction are you in?

Where I come from, a marriage is shared finances, both past and present, unless you arrange for it differently prior to the legal wedding. However, a will is usually written to be left out of the marital assets if it comes to a divorce or passing of one of the couple.

But OP hasn’t seen the will and in reality has no idea of the wording.
I’d say she is named in the sense that it’s worded “if Billy pre deceased Mary” rather than “we are leaving nothing to Mary and we insist she never sees one penny of our money ”. I bet it’s a sentence that the solicitor recommended that they add
and FIL has explained it all arseways.

I’ve voted YABU, because a) the will of your husband’s father is none of your business, and b) I’m married into a culture that’s all about protecting family assets from outsiders, including wives/ex-wives.

My DH family firm is tightly structured to exclude any spouses (bar my MIL; it was created by FIL). One BIL’s wife was furious when she discovered this after their wedding; she is now an ex, and has rinsed BIL for everything possible, so point proven. The only things she couldn’t access were assets in the wider family name.

YANBU to question your husband’s motives in telling you this. I’d be interested in the actual wording, as opposed to his interpretation. Plus any backstory/context (someone in this thread has referred to an issue with your SIL?).