To have left my boyfriend asleep in bed, and driven home in the middle of the night because I couldn't get to sleep at his house?

[MrsBetsyTrotwood]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for about eight lovely months and so far it's going really well. We get on amazingly, like the same things, have the same sense of humour and have lots of fun. He treats me so nicely.
But we just have totally different sleep styles. He likes to fall asleep with a lamp on, while listening to something, I need total darkness and quiet.
I've asked him nicely if we can have the light off and he's turned it off which I know he doesn't like, and I feel bad asking him not to watch something on his phone too since it's his house, so he doesn't know I hate it. He sleeps deeply and falls asleep quickly so usually I just lean over him and turn it off, or wait for it to end before I go to sleep.
He sometimes does this thing though where he wakes in the night, presses play on his phone and goes back to sleep, and then doesn't remember having done that.
Tonight, I wanted for his thing to finish, then just as I was drifting off, he presses play again and goes back to sleep. Then his bloody dog started moving about, clattering his paws on the laminate floor, chewing something and scratching. Every time it stopped, I would drift off and it would start again. Then bf turns his thing back on again seemingly in his sleep, then the dog jumps onto the bed, realises I'm there and there's no room, jumps back off again and goes back to chewing his toy and grunting. Then BF starts snoring. And I really wanted a window open for a bit of breeze.
It was almost midnight by this point, and I thought sod it. I was tired. We'd had the loveliest long hike with the dog today followed by a massive dinner and I just wanted sleep. I jumped back in my car and drove home and I can't tell you how nice it is to be back in my own familiar bed, in the dark and quiet., and all to myself.
I feel so bad as waking up together in the morning is so so nice and snuggly. He brings me tea in bed and we just cuddle and watch TV and he cooks me breakfast. I sent a text saying I was so sorry but I just couldn't sleep and I'd come straight back in the morning but it's not the same as waking up and having a lie in together.
Is it possible to get used to sharing a bed again after being so used to your own habits? And is my relationship doomed if I can't even sleep next to him?
And can I tell him to change everything he's used to and banish his dog who I love and has always slept there? Because I don't feel I can

Ear plugs & an Eye Mask

I can’t have anything disturbing my sleep, for various reasons.
I understand what you’re saying about it being his house, etc, but there maybe needs to be a bit of give and take?
If you can put up with listening to the whatever-it-is until he falls asleep, it would be a good compromise for him not to switch it back on again.

The problem isn’t you. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with all that going on either, and I’d think he was a big man-baby needing a light and a video on to fall asleep.

I’d probably just have moved to the sofa rather than leave though. I think there needs to be some compromise in future. If he’s not willing, bin him.

Sounds like he needs to compromise a bit more by not turning his video back on later. After you turn it off, could you perhaps put his phone out of reach so he can’t do it in his sleep? (Obvs tell him you are going to do this)

He doesn't seem to know he's doing it when he switches it back on. He sort of does it in his sleep and doesn't remember it in the morning.

I feel bad asking him to wear earplugs and eye masks don't help me. I can still see the light.

And it's the noise the dog makes too. The dog has always slept in his bedroom. I don't feel I can ask him to banish his dog

It's a large, open plan studio flat. Nowhere separate to sleep

Be honest about the issues but offer solutions, ask him to wear ear pods to listen to his phone at night and put a large rug down covering the laminate for the dog and no toys in the bedroom. See how you get on from there.

He has his lovely girlfriend in his bed and he's dicking about being annoying with his phone? What a baby.

Tell him his place is too noisy and the light being on disturbs your sleep. You are not saying anything nasty just being honest.

No, he just puts it on as he's going to sleep. And then presses play again in his sleep. I don't think he realises he's doing it, he doesn't seem to wake properly or remember it in the morning.
We've both been single for a really long time. You get used to your little habits I guess

Your sleep styles are incompatible!

I’m exactly like you and need dark and quiet. My DH loves to fall asleep to the tv. We muddled along for a long time but now enjoy separate rooms!

Not helpful for a dating couple I know!

I think a conversation needs to be had and some some of compromises made on both sides. I don’t think you were unreasonable to leave, I would have done the same. I have a dog and he sleeps downstairs so I couldn’t settle with a dog climbing over me in bed. Boundaries need to be establised.

I couldn't deal with all that nonsense either. Have you just moved his phone where he can't reach it after the thing he's listening to stop playing? I think I would do that next but I'm not even sure I would still want to be with somebody who needs a night light and noise to fall asleep because it would never change if you were with him long-term

Eye mask!

He just needs to put ear buds in while he sleeps.

Well yes but doesn't mean that you continue with the habit when someone else is there. I masturbate like a champion, but tone it down when I have company.

Take the phone out of his hand, turn it off. Launch it down the landing if necessary. That would drive me nuts.

Dark and quiet is normal. He has juvenile sleep habits in this respect and is the one who needs to wean himself off these if he wants the relationship to last.

Window and dog, I’m with you, but you might need to compromise on those.

Snoring: everyone snores sometimes. If a poke makes him roll over and stop, that’s OK. If it’s every night, loud and persistent, it’ll destroy your health and I’d dump him.

RTFT - the OP has mentioned them. She says they don't work for her

YANBU OP.

I can’t sleep with lights on and TV/Phone background noise.

Eye masks and ear plugs are also a no for me too. I think it’s a sensory thing.

Just because you’ve left to have a good nights sleep at home, doesn’t mean you love him any less. Many couples have separate bedrooms in order to get good sleep. Please don’t think you’ve done something wrong.

relationships work by making compromises.

so you both need to make concessions as you sound way too young for sep rooms ha ha.

have you text him or left a note to say you have gone home?

I would have a talk to him but see if you both can adapt, I know what you mean about needing dark so instead of a lamp can he use a night light on his side of the bed near the floor & you try an eye mask

YANBU to have gone home. I'm a terrible sleeper and I used to make DH sleep in the spare room for the first few months of our relationship and if I stayed at his I would take a sleeping pill. You are being quite passive though in not telling him you are disturbed by him playing something out loud but equally he's being extremely dense and selfish not to think of it by himself!
If I were in your situation I would ask him if he would wear sleep headphones to listen to his stuff, try sleep headphones myself and listen to white noise or similar/consider a Bluetooth eyemask as they are much more firmly attached than a regular eyemask and don't slip down as easily, and take a sleeping pill when I stayed. It's a lot of palaver but if you want to be able to share a bed you'll both need to compromise.

You just need separate rooms.

Is your place better suited to this than his studio? Do you have spare room or a separate bedroom and living room?

It's probably not good for him to keep scrolling/blue light etc. Sez me, I know, but I used to be more sensible!
A lot of couples sleep apart and then snuggle in when morning comes-would that be a possibility?
Polite dog. All the posts I see about twisted spines because the dog makes you move, but at least this one doesn't! That is easily solved, get him an extension bed clip on/raised dog bed, though if you're sleeping in another room, I don't suppose that matters.

I think you'll find a lot of babies enjoy dark and quiet too, hence the popularity of the blackout blind! It seems you sleep like a newborn, you big baby!

Maybe buy him a Snoozeband and suggests he sleeps listening to podcasts/radio rather than watching TV

He has my sympathy - I always go to sleep listening to a podcast (with a sleep timer on)