To have left my boyfriend asleep in bed, and driven home in the middle of the night because I couldn't get to sleep at his house?

[MrsBetsyTrotwood]

I've been seeing my boyfriend for about eight lovely months and so far it's going really well. We get on amazingly, like the same things, have the same sense of humour and have lots of fun. He treats me so nicely.
But we just have totally different sleep styles. He likes to fall asleep with a lamp on, while listening to something, I need total darkness and quiet.
I've asked him nicely if we can have the light off and he's turned it off which I know he doesn't like, and I feel bad asking him not to watch something on his phone too since it's his house, so he doesn't know I hate it. He sleeps deeply and falls asleep quickly so usually I just lean over him and turn it off, or wait for it to end before I go to sleep.
He sometimes does this thing though where he wakes in the night, presses play on his phone and goes back to sleep, and then doesn't remember having done that.
Tonight, I wanted for his thing to finish, then just as I was drifting off, he presses play again and goes back to sleep. Then his bloody dog started moving about, clattering his paws on the laminate floor, chewing something and scratching. Every time it stopped, I would drift off and it would start again. Then bf turns his thing back on again seemingly in his sleep, then the dog jumps onto the bed, realises I'm there and there's no room, jumps back off again and goes back to chewing his toy and grunting. Then BF starts snoring. And I really wanted a window open for a bit of breeze.
It was almost midnight by this point, and I thought sod it. I was tired. We'd had the loveliest long hike with the dog today followed by a massive dinner and I just wanted sleep. I jumped back in my car and drove home and I can't tell you how nice it is to be back in my own familiar bed, in the dark and quiet., and all to myself.
I feel so bad as waking up together in the morning is so so nice and snuggly. He brings me tea in bed and we just cuddle and watch TV and he cooks me breakfast. I sent a text saying I was so sorry but I just couldn't sleep and I'd come straight back in the morning but it's not the same as waking up and having a lie in together.
Is it possible to get used to sharing a bed again after being so used to your own habits? And is my relationship doomed if I can't even sleep next to him?
And can I tell him to change everything he's used to and banish his dog who I love and has always slept there? Because I don't feel I can

I would not sleep in a room with noise playing, I’d be completely incompatible with this man.

My partner wears a sleep mask with noise playing.

Sorry, the sleep mask has earphones built in so I can’t hear the noise!

Most people sleep best in a dark and quiet room. Ear plugs and face masks are uncomfortable and ineffective. If he lives in a flat then I also feel sorry for his neighbours.

I use a Manta Sleep eye mask and it's a game changer when I'm away from home. It was about £25 but worth every penny as I need total darkness to sleep.

Why haven't you had a conversation about this @MrsBetsyTrotwood ? Going home and not telling him is immature. Someone doing that, without talking to me about the reasons why, would be the end of the relationship.

I can't sleep without noise and light - not from a phone, if someone turned off the noise it would wake me up. I can always tell exactly what time there is a power cut during the night.

i always need a night light on somewhere and my partner snores and needs sound sometimes to fall asleep. Trust me in time with masks and ear buds you get used to it.

I’ve done exactly this, twice, two different partners, I need my sleep. I’m single now and probably for the foreseeable future.
their sleep is not more important than ours

He needs to use earphones, you need to use a sleep mask.

Wow - you have to have noise and light to sleep but if a newish partner left in the night to go get some sleep you'd break up with them? Totally reasonable 🙄

A newish partner that can't communicate there is a problem and leaves in the middle of the night without saying anything. Yes.

I spent many sleepless nights in the dark and quiet because it was "normal". Plenty of autistic people need noise or light to sleep, hardly a Wow issue.

Man baby? We are all diferent. I need background noise to fall asleep as is the only way to cancel my brain noise and get my brain to sleep. The more monotonue the better. I sleep with light on because as a child I suffered night terrors. Still have them occasionally but the light helps me reground when I have one and I quickly remember I am in the safety of my bed once I see my surroundings. It does not make me a woman-baby and is quite ridiculous how easily you brand people without knowing anything about them. Shame on you.

My husband snores. I’m perimenopausal and he was tipping me one then edge. I got an eyemask from Amazon. It’s got built in headphones and you don’t get any light through it. I sleep like a baby now. I play sleep mediation or rain sounds. https://amzn.eu/d/06Dridpr

The ear plugs are for you, and I would research a better eye mask. What has he said since about this ?

You need separate rooms. Nothing immature about either of your sleeping needs.

You are probably looking at separate rooms even if you do move in together. Where you go to his room to cuddle and then back to your own quiet, dark room to sleep and he comes in with tea and snuggles In the morning 🤷‍♀️

there is nothing wrong with choosing this option if otherwise the relationship is lovely otherwise

You seem very dramatic if OP’s actions would be the end of the relationship.

Having noise and light throughout the night when people are trying to sleep is extremely inconsiderate and selfish.

So… the opposite scenario to Celine Dion’s “I Drove All Night”?

i like listening to things too. I bought a headband with earbuds inside to not disturb my husband.

Would he consider a snoozeband? So easy to sleep in and the sound is pretty good too. I don't use mine anymore as I noticed having YouTube videos on to drop to sleep with made me want to stop up!

Or better still a snooze band-headband thing with ear plugs in it. My DH has one as he does similar to your boyfriend OP, and it’s comfortable for him whilst keeping the noise away from me brilliantly. Maybe he could compromise on the light thing though?
I think it was a bit extreme to get up and go home tbh-but I guess it depends on what you have on today. They said I’m a rubbish sleeper and I can cope on three hours sleep easily as I’m used to it. You could perhaps have woken him up to tell him before leaving.

I agree with other posters that earlier, honest communication would be a better option than simply abandoning ship in the middle of the night... I'd be very hurt if that was the person I was dating, even if text message was sent.

That said, I truly feel your pain... I dated someone a while back with similar sleep habits - he had a huge wide-screen TV in front of his bed that had to be playing a film as he fell asleep. He was shocked that I didn't have a TV in my bedroom and had to borrow my laptop to play something when he stayed at mine! 🙃
Plus he had a very vocal Siamese cat who would yowl for attention all night, climb all over your head, and those bloody annoying motion-sensitive floor spotlights - so every time the cat marched in and out, the entire bedroom lit up.
I tried everything from eye masks to noise cancelling earbuds. Pleas for a compromise. None worked.

I think he only realised how bad it was when I attempted to get up to sleep on the sofa one night - but promptly slipped down his uncarpeted (and ironically UNLIT) spiral staircase and almost smashed my head in at 2am 😳

I think raise it before it gets unbearable or too late that it's awkward! Sounds like a lovely relationship otherwise!

Most posters seem to be ignoring the dog. You can't ask for it to be banished OP. Equally I couldn't sleep with a dog in the room either (I shut our cat out).

It sounds tricky. DH and I haven’t shared a room, apart from holidays, seen the peri-menopause started disturbing my sleep. I imagine it's difficult getting used to sharing again after being single for a long time.

Could he and his dog stay over at yours?

Why do you feel you need to head back over there first thing this morning?

Can he not come to yours, after all you are the one that had to leave in order to get some sleep.

I'm long term single too and we do get into our habits. But if someone is staying over then if course we have to be a bit more flexible and considerate of others. So he wants you in his bed, and running after him like you plan to this morning and he is doing nothing to make your stay just slightly more comfortable.

Think hard where else you are comprising here OP.

You were completely right to get up and go home. It sounds like he wants you to sleep at a disco!