AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

How old were his younger Dc when he divorced their Mum?

Maybe he felt he had given them all their childhood and growing up, supported them through uni or whatever, but not you and your brother.

If you want the last laugh on your selfish git of a father, give them a slice of your inheritance.

If you dont care getting the last word in, then carry on as you are.

To me it depends whether giving say, 10%, would make a big difference to me and whether they'd be happy with that, or if they are grabby and want 50%. That would be a definite NO.

If I had no relationship with them I wouldn't give them shit to be honest, it's tough on them but wouldn't see it as my problem and who knows what his relationship with them was like.

Them threatening legal action would only make me double down!

It’s not your problem and you just do t know enough to judge. Forget about it and accept your father gets to decide this.

I would do the same as you OP. They can’t expect you to hand over money to them when they haven’t wanted a relationship with you. They have ignored your invites so I think they would definitely ignore your requests for cash if the situation was reversed.

Enjoy the money. Being able to support your children ant uni and help them with housing will be so helpful to them.

@ShootingStarsRacingCars , did your dad leave a letter detailing his reasoning or a clause saying that anyone who challenges the will and loses will not receive what they have been left? That would make it very difficult for them.
It’s irrelevant really why your dad took the decision he did, thankfully in England at least we have the right to leave our money to whom we wish and that is absolutely as it should be.

Your father doesn’t seem to have been a fair person .

You’ve been lucky here - he may have left you out and just given it to them.

You sound very comfortable snd they don’t. I would give them a portion or my conscience would bother me.

Ultimately, it's not your money in the first place and this is what your dad wanted for it. It's not your problem the way it was shared.

I couldn't imagine having the nerve to inherit some money and then ask someone else for a bit more of what they got! Anything you inherit is bonus money, just take it!

I think so too. Other than being just related, it’s fine to treat strangers as strangers. They didn’t seem to want any relationship either and you are all now adults, so for them to come sniffing for money wouldn’t leave me the slightest bit of guilt.
keep saying no, and live your life.

@Pemba , I see things differently. In my opinion to go against their father’s wishes would be disrespectful. It was his money and his to give, we are not entitled to anything as children unless we are dependent upon that person which these people clearly were not.

I have read all the OP's comments to now but not the FT. Two things. I have been in a broadly similar situation and would not have dreamed of asking. The second is that we see it said massively on here, and in other places, "if you want to have control over what happens to your assets, make a will" Well this man did. Yes for his own probably unpleasant reasons and yes there are sometimes legal ways to challenge wills although seemingly not in this case BUT if the principle is "make a will to control your assets" then that is a principle that should be broadly upheld and not only when the outcome is what we want or think should have happened.

@ShootingStarsRacingCarsYANBU.

I think there are two things going on when a parent leaves unequal amounts in a will for the child that receives less or is excluded. Firstly there is the hurt and rejection. Secondly there is the financial impact. Having a sibling share their inheritance is never going to help with the hurt or rejection. It may help the financial impact though.

I think as you say, had your brother received less you would have shared (presumably out of love and compassion). But these are not people you have a relationship with

I’m glad there’s no legal issue. Stick to your guns, you don’t have to share. Agree with other posters suggesting maybe there was some estrangement or it was your father’s guilt that led to the unequal inheritance, but it’s not your problem

It sounds like he was a shitty father to you all and its shit he has not left an equal split. Saying that due to the fact you have tried to build a relationship with them and they have not been open to it i think you are reasonable to keep it. If they are really young adults i may consider putting something aside for them incase you do build a better relationship with them in the future.

Well of course yabu
You have stated that you can't understand why/how anybody could do this. Except now it boils down to cold hard cash, it's different!

I dont think fairness comes into inheritance. It’s up to the person writing the will to leave their money as they wish.

If I was in your position, I’d feel the same as you. You dont have a relationship with your half siblings. If it had been a different set-up, you’d have shared with your brother. But to share with your half-siblings with whom you dont have a relationship and directly against your father’s clear wishes would be ludicruously self-sacrificing. I honestly dont believe the posters saying they would do this.

Enjoy the money and, in turn, leave your estate to whoever you want in your will.

You’re not unreasonable at all, you’re respecting the wishes in the will. There is no moral obligation to go against these wishes, in fact I’d say the obligation is to respect them however unreasonable they may seem to some people. Isn’t that why we have wills?!

I always say this - do what the will states. It was your dad's wishes, you may not know why, but it's what he wanted.

I understand where you are coming from and I would do exactly as you are. For me it wouldn't matter if they were half siblings or full though. I've got a half sister and a full brother that I don't keep in touch with. Sister because we have never been close so hardly know each other. Brother because he's a selfish twat who doesn't care about anyone else than himself (I tried to keep in touch but he only responded/reached out when he wanted something from me so I stopped). I wouldn't share anything with these two if I inherited. If it was my two siblings I'm close to I would definitely share equally with them- I love them and they are good human beings.

The only reason I would share with siblings that I wouldn't be close to is if I knew they were really struggling/in hardship. But then I would consider it more like a charity donation tbh.

YANBU. I think your dad probably gave them money during his lifetime and he wanted things to be fair after his death. Obv they aren't going to tell you though...

Well they have reaped what they sowed. It’s very nasty to just ignore a wedding invitation, inviting someone to your wedding is a big deal! You can decline politely at least.

Now they have no relationship with you due to their choices, and they suddenly want you to give them money?!

YANBU. My parents have written my older brother out of their will. He regularly brought trouble to their door and they have bailed him out financially over the years, in the ££££'s) then over 10 years ago he decided we were awful and cut us off. It killed them to do that but now I have children, they would prefer they got an inheritance. It's all been done above board and he cannot legally contest the will I have said I may still give him something. It doesn't sit right with me that he gets nothing, even though technically, he has had a living inheritance. My moral debate is based on us growing up together and once having a close relationship. However, my children are my priority so they will get most of the inheritance. Your sisters seem to be sisters in name and blood only. They are practically strangers. Anyone else saying you are in the wrong would recoil if you asked them to give money, let alone a significant amount, to someone they barely knew.

This is how your dad wanted to share his money. Why would you go against a dead person's wishes? If he wanted to be cremated, would you bury him in a coffin because you think that's better? He must've had a reason why he wanted his money to be split that way so now everyone needs to honour his wishes

Who says they are your siblings, did your father have doubts.?

I dont think you are being unreasonable.

Like you I would share with the sibling I was raised with, have a relationship with and know their relationship with my parent.

You don’t know if your dad gave these women a lot of money during his life time. You don’t know if they did/.said something that caused your dad to write them out of his will.

You would share with your brother because your relationship with him is more important than money. You don’t feel. The same way about these women. You accept you will have no relationship with them after this.

YANBU. Despite what some people are saying, there is nothing moral about taking money that is legally yours and reserved for your children's future and giving it to near-strangers.

I would never risk of my children's future (where anything could happen including joblessness and illness) against the warm moral glow of doing the right thing because you might feel 'guilty'.

Inheritance isn't fair. The man drew up his will legally and specified how he wanted HIS assets split. Would the step siblings do the same thing for you?

My father left me his life insurance for housing him for 18 years and doing his care for three years. I got nothing as it had expired when he was 75!
My sister excused me of stealing from him and demanded bank statements. She went through them line by line. We were on the bones of our arse by the time he died as I couldn't work. He had refused a state funded nursing home. I had a SEN child and my own disability. My sister visited once a fortnight for two hours. She lived thirty minutes away. She gave him nothing but expected an inheritance as we'd paid his living costs. Nine years later she still believes I stole his pension and tells any mutual friend or family.
People are very entitled. I remember family arguing over a new vacuum cleaner at my aunt's wake.
Your half sisters have been left something and I agree with pp your father will have provided a home and cash after his second divorce. If their mother peed it up the wall that's not your problem.
Where there's a will, there's a relative!