AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

Possible your dad held a lot of guilt of leaving your mum and you and your brother and thought this was one way to try and help. I wouldnt share either, he's left them both something so clearly this is what he wanted. Wasnt a case of not updating will etc.

I do not agree there is a moral and legal obligation to blindly obey a clearly amoral will written by a selfish, bad person not deserving of respect and is imho, obviously driving home the wedge they had created between half siblings to ensure they will have a life long rift.

I agree. They wouldn't give you a penny if the sutuation was reversed. And you ard the one sho suffered when your parents marriage broke up.

I guess this largely depends on the numbers involved. I know you said a house each for you and bro but what is the total cash each including the value of the houses?

I don’t know why people keep saying it’s the right thing to do. He died with a will, not interstate. You haven’t inherited by accident or luck. The right thing to do is respect the dead persons wishes. Presumably there’s a reason he decided to split it the way he did.

Most people would share with their brother though. They grew up together.

I do have half siblings but I know them so its totally different if I was in this situation. But if someone's first thought was to demand rather than to ask questions and gain an understanding of what the full picture. I would state this and tell them I will see then in court (this would apply to my half siblings too). I actually think its disgusting.

If he left them a smaller amount he clearly considered them in his will and didn't forget they existed so he had his reasons.....of course it would be better to have left a letter so that you know whether his reasons were fair or not but he didn't. With the information you have I wouldn't share either, there is no way I would negatively impact my own children to help out almost complete strangers. The fact they are the sort to threaten legal action would only solidify my opinion to be honest.

I admit my feelings about it are also coloured by my own family experience where my aunt was completely written out of my grandmother's will and my mum and uncle inherited everything but in that situation we knew the reasons and had discussed them prior. Basically that aunt was a bully and an alcoholic and had been bailed out more than enough over the years. My grandmother would have turned in her grave if my mum and uncle had decided to override her wishes and share it.

Maybe not, but she might have got more to compensate for her mother having less while she was growing up or as a young adult, and for her mother having less to leave on her death.

The man must have had some reason, and as it was his money, it was up to him to make the judgment and decide.

He provided for his younger children in his will, which suggests he considered the circumstances and did what he thought was fair.

And they suffered when their parents marriage broke up. Nobody's a winner here.

It's entitled arrogance to disregard a persons will based on guesswork about their intent and a belief that you know better. No one knows what motivated a dead person's choices but they are their choices to make.

If you make a will do you think others should decide that you were too stupid, incompetent or 'amoral' to decide how to distribute you belongings when you die? If so, why would you even bother?

I agree the father must have had some reason, but given who he was I think it likely was not a good or ethical reason.

It’s always easier to share hypothetical money than real cash, it’s easy to do the right thing when it doesn’t cost you anything.
I would do the same as you OP, although I would be pissed off if I was one of the younger half siblings who didn’t inherit very much.

Yes. If in my old age resentment, bitterness and whatnot cause me to write an unjust, unethical will, I would hope my heirs would overrule it with good conscience. As for why bother? Wills are to my mind for making last wishes known. They are not meant to be blindly obeyed if I have made a bad error that causes injustice.

i think the morally right thing to do would be to reach out to them and offer them some of your inheritance as a gesture.
Equally I am not sure that I would do that. There are plenty of reasons from your posts to justify being selfish, I get it. I would accept that I am being selfish though and probably sleep a little less easy.
It sounds like you have made that decision. Fair enough.

I think it may well be that your father is trying to make up for having left you when you were children.

How big is the difference between your share and theirs?
A small percentage? Or do you have double or more?

Will the other two inherit from their mother or grandparents? Maybe he knew that so acted accordingly.

Depends on figures and your financial situation. If I could afford it, I might be tempted to give them a small amount, but not 25%.

In this case I actually don’t know what I would do.

I would feel terrible and want to split it with them BUT it’s a recent will and it was very clearly his wishes to split in this way and I would also feel uncomfortable going against his direct wishes.

You have no idea what he already gave to your half sisters. Neither do people saying you should share.

It was in his will, sucks for them but no one will ever know why he did this so get on and enjoy his final belated gift to you both.

Well obviously some time after the second family came into existence, or they wouldn't be mentioned!

The other issue is - presumably OP you know very little of their relationship what he may or may not have done for them in their lives and why he decided what he did.

My aunt left very little to her youngest as she had to bail him out massively as an adult once - it was agreed then that this would be his share and the rest would be split with her other children. When she died they did not give him anything from their share as he had already had his.

I might perhaps have given them something as a gift. But broadly speaking it's fine to prioritise your father's grandchildren over giving more to other children of his. I would care more about my own children than a principle that people who don't care about you should have an equal share, that he didn't even follow anyway.

People will always think up a million reasons to keep the money. You are no exception, and tbh, I would keep it too. Maybe he gifted them money for house deposits or something, and this evens up the score?

It would be good to know the amounts? I mean, it could be that he left you £500k and left them £1k, or it could be he left you £10k, and left them £5k? Context is everything and you haven't given much.

Yes, I do think YABU in the circumstances. You say that if your father had left everything to you, you would share it with your brother. Yiu also say your mum is wealthy so you may well inherit a lot from her, but your half sibling’s mum is already dead and they didn’t inherit anything from her.
Legally, you’re doing nothing wrong. Morally, I would share the money between all 4 siblings.

I'd base my decision on their link to your Dad, they are his children just as much as you are. It also sounds like he was a crap parent to all of you. I wouldn't see their relationship with me as the deciding factor because crap parents don't create unity they create division. So for me, in your position, I'd share equally.