AIBU about unequal inheritance

[ShootingStarsRacingCars]

My mum and dad divorced when me and my brother were 12 and 10. My father went on to have 2 daughters with a woman he married a few years later. We didn’t see that much of our dad after that, just some weekends and a week in summer. As an adult I’ve seen him about 4 times a year.

He got divorced from his wife and apparently seen his other daughters about as much as he saw me. I’ve had no contact with his other daughters since I was about 35. No fallout, just nothing in common and a father who wasn’t exactly family focused.

My dad died recently. In his will he has left almost everything to me and my brother with only a small amount to his other daughters. I have no idea why as when I did see him, we never really spoke about them very much. His daughters have asked me and my brother if we will share our inheritance with them. We have said no, they’re basically strangers. I’m presuming there must have been some trouble between them and my father for him not to leave them anything. They are threatening ‘legal action’. We have had legal advice and the will is fine so they have no case.

We aren’t sharing but I’m curious as to what others would do or think of this situation. Do you think we are being unreasonable? I can’t imagine not leaving my estate equally to my children but who knows what was going on his mind or relationships. If my brother hadn’t been left the same as me, I’d have shared with him.

Leave it as it and forget about it except to use the inheritance to benefit yourself and your family.

Seeing as your brother offered to ask your Aunt, I would try to find out if anything for reassurance if you are taken to court - at least then you have further evidence to bolster an argument. (I know you said it wasn’t a problem legally however if they’re determined they will find a solicitor to try and come for it despite the different countries)

It is interesting how he split his estate however as others have suggested I imagine they received hand outs in your Fathers life time

@ShootingStarsRacingCars
Him leaving them a small amount might have been intentional to try and keep them from being able to successfully challenge the will. If he were to leave them nothing then that would leave it more open to challenge. By leaving them something it shows he has considered them.
Heck, one notable case was where 5 sisters challenged their grandfather's revised will which reduced their inheritance to £50 each as they hadn't visited him. www.dailymail.com/news/article-13444677/amp/five-sisters-grandfather-fortune-judge-legal-bill.html

Agree with this! One of my 3 siblings has had a lot of financial help over the years & my parents have reflected this in their will with a smaller share going to them.

It's only fair he shared it equally, no?
Yabu

I think it’s horrible what your dad’s done. Terrible to not treat your children equally. They’ll have to live with thinking their dad saw them as second best.
if it was siblings you had a close relationship with I’d share as to not ruin the relationship but as you have nothing to do with them, the money is yours, keep it

This isn't your burden to bare.

Your father made the will and if everything is legally binding then that's just life at the end of the day.

And actually this goes for a situation where say for instance your brother had received less. Again it wouldn't be your responsibility if that was the decision you made. It is not up to the child to understand the mind of their parent in this situation not is it for them to "fix".

If you want to do something in this situation, fine. But you're not in the wrong if you don't. You didn't make that will.

I don't know what I would do in your shoes tbh. But I wouldn't assume that dad had a justifiable reason for basically crapping on two of his children. Maybe he was just cruel or unkind.

@ShootingStarsRacingCars It could be he had already spent a lot on them. His wishes are what he wrote in his will. No idea what legislation applies abroad but do you know what the legal threat from your half siblings actually is? Hot air or meaningful? If most of his estate was accrued when you were younger, then why would be not leave it to you? Having said that, I dislike unequal shares. Feels controlling and not much love for his second family. However not your place to correct that.

What you might, or might not, get from your DM is irrelevant. This will reflects your dad’s wishes so stick to that. They almost certainly won’t push this.

I understand your decision and the fact that you’d share equally with the brother you grew up with had he not been left the same. It sounds like you didn’t have much of a relationship with your dad’s other children. Presumably he had his reasons for leaving more to you and yoir brother. I agree - I’d use the money to help my own children rather than your dad’s other children. If you were close to them I’d have a different response though.

Many years ago a friend's father and mote recently their mother both left a token amount to my friend and everything else to my friend's siblings. It's very hurtful and for the mother to do it too has caused the most hurt as my friend did everything for her in her final years. I just don't understand how a parent can treat their children any differently in life or death.

My dad married a women with 4 kids under 6 he allowed me to be pushed out completely im 51 now at least your dad thought of you .
I dont have anything at all in common with his stepfamily long story short he chose them he can say goodbye to me and mine ill never forgive i feel sorry for him the lack of love and support he showed me he will have to live with that.
Thats enough for me.

My mother is still alive and she has told me what's in the Will.

Basically, the house is worth around $8million and some savings. The house is to be sold and the proceeds are to be divided between my brother and my two sons. She happily told me I'm the Executor and don't need anything as I own my home and have a pension. Then six months ago, she told me that she's named my brother as co-Executor.

No thanks, when the time comes, I'm telling the lawyer I have no desire to be involved.

My brother makes Princess Di look like an intellectual. It's going to be a gong show and I'm not playing.

Maybe they benefitted more from his earnings while he was alive? Were they supported for longer than 10 and 12 years? Did he give them house deposits or let them live rent free as adults? I'm pretty sure you're fine to carry on as you are, regardless. I think if he's left them something, however small, that makes the will less vulnerable to being challenged. It has to be the wishes of the deceased or else whats the point?

Were his second two children actually his? He might have had doubts about that.

Possibly he saw this amount as derived from the money he took as assets from his first marriage to your mother. So mentally he has assigned it as yours.

This really. You don’t have to share, but this is your dad’s fault. Manipulative, cruel behaviour from him. I would want to redress some of his selfishness by at least sharing to some degree, but there is no obligation to if you don’t feel any guilt

@ShootingStarsRacingCars I would think his second ex wife got a lot of money in the divorce, so if she died before him then then your two half sisters should have inherited that money.

You said he made the will in 2019, but when did their mum die?

I wouldn't share. Your dad made that will for a reason and that was his wish.

I would perhaps do a little more digging to try and find out why for sure, but if he wanted them to have an equal share he would have left them an equal share.

You've spent years inviting them to stuff and the refused to come, so it's interesting that NOW they are crawling out the woodwork.

I agree it’s my dad’s fault for not explaining his decisions. It may have been manipulative or as others have said there may be good reason like he gave them money when he was alive and it may be them trying to manipulate me for more than a fair share in that case. They did get some money left to them in the will. It will probably remain a mystery.

I don’t feel any guilt. There has been no wrongdoing from us and we are using the what was left to us to help our children which as a pp said, is what parents are supposed to do. It’s a shame he wasn’t a better father.

Their mum died at the start of 2018, so yes, I suppose he could have known they had been left money from their her and then changed his will. He always used to moan about how much their mum got in the divorce. 🙄 He also used to say she’d have it all spent though so I don’t know. When he talked badly about her, I used to shut him down because I imagined he did that about my mum too and wouldn’t have liked it. In hindsight, I wish I’d have asked more about things when he was alive.

Actually it was the start of 2017. Before he made his will anyway.

Your father made a decision. Nobody knows why he made that decision but assuming he was in his right mind and not coerced, his will should be honoured. Wills are important legal documents and they should not be overturned or changed on a whim. The people who make them generally think carefully about the division of assets. They take professional advice.
if you over rule your father’s wishes and give the half-siblings more than is stated in the will, they would be perfectly justified in coming after half. By overturning your father’s will you have indicated that you do not respect it or believe it to be fair, thus strengthening their position should it come to court.
it’s not your will. You are merely the beneficiary. This is not your message to sort.