You're not an Alcoholic!

[dogsaremybusiness]

I watched a documentary last night, and this woman was saying that alcoholism ran in their family (she was one), and she kind of blamed her Dad because he was an alcoholic too.

It transpired though, that her Dad enjoyed a drink between the ages of 21 and 29, and then he never touched another drop, for the following FIFTY years until his death.

However, he made money touring around and giving pep talks to alcoholics and recovering alcoholics.

AIBU to think that if you drank in your 20's (which most of us do) and then you are Tee total in your 30's, 40's, 50's 60's and 70's that you are NOT a fucking alcoholic, and maybe you just enjoyed making money by claiming that you were?

Really got my back up, as I am the DD of an alcoholic, and do really struggle to keep my own drinking under control.

Maybe her Dad is struggling for those 50 years. I don’t know what his drinking was like for those 9 years but if it was problematic and he struggled to control it, then yes he is a (recovering) alcoholic

I’m the daughter of a alcoholic and am very very careful with my drinking

My FIL is an alcoholic. He has not drank since he was 32, he is now 76. He still attends AA twice a week.

I think a reformed alcoholic is still an alcoholic. If her Dad was an alcoholic in his 20s, he was still an alcoholic in his 30s, 40s, 50s etc, just one who had it under control by abstaining.

It depends surely. If he was only drinking socially, then no he isn't an alcoholic. If he was alcohol dependent and it affected his life and relationships but he has managed to abstain from 29 onover then yes he'd still be classed as an alkie albeit one managing to control himself.

Maybe her dad was an alcoholic and he actually successfully managed to quit and stay clean?

He's a recovering alcoholic surely

Isnt it up to person who is an alcoholic to decide? Why do you get to define it?

I bet each person at AA or other support groups each have a different story, who decides?

Tbh mumsnet is the wrong place to ask
Its possible he is an alcoholic
But yes outside of mumsnet lots of people drink heavily in their 20s and are able to moderate thrmeslves as they mature and wouldnt identify as an alcoholic

Marian Keyes was an alcoholic until age 30 when she quit. She says she still goes to meetings etc.I think alcoholics are always in danger of relapsing however long they have been sober for.

And some can't

They do the whole heavy drinking thing in their 20s and then can't moderate, so have to stop totally

I get it. I think if you drank in your 20s and gave up you had a lucky escape.

Also does he have some kind of buisness model thst hes basing his pep talks on?

Did i say otherwise?

Many people would say that if you are an alcoholic, then you are always an alcoholic. People who have recovered from extreme drinking will never be able to drink again because of their addiction and fear of relapse. So you always have that "label" of alcoholism. It doesn't matter if you call it being tee-total or being an alcoholic.

Saying her "dad enjoyed a drink in his 20s" doesn't say much. Most of us did. A minority though took it to extremes and their drinking was problematic. Rather than criticising, I would say well done to him recognising the issue and dealing with it at 29 rather than letting it affect the rest of his life.

It probably depends a bit on how much he enjoyed a drink and what he did when drinking. It is true that a lot of people of my generation drank very heavily in their 20s and most of them did not become alcoholics and no one would consider them to be.

If he drank in an uncontrolled fashion, felt that he relied on alcohol to bolster him up, didn't like being without a drink or the possibility of a drink - then he is perfectly right to call himself an alcoholic.

And if he still feels the pull towards drink and needs to stay mentally strong in order not to drink again, and that one drink would be one too many then yes, I would say he is still an alcoholic, he's just one in recovery.

It's difficult to say based on this info. Lots of people binge drink on nights out in their 20s, but then can happily have just one occasional drink or abstain from alcohol as they get older. My DH used to go to the pub after work for a few drinks most nights in his 20s. He doesn't struggle to moderate his alcohol and can happily just have one drink from a bottle of spirits and leave the rest for months etc. If I buy a bottle of wine it's 99% certainly going to be all drank by me in one night. I struggle to have just one glass if I know there is more available.

I would say a big part of the difference is how much thought someone is giving to when they can have their next drink and whether they can stick to just having one. It's possible this man craved alcohol most days in the decades he was abstaining, but managed to get it under control much earlier on in his life than many alcoholics.

Who better to inspire alcoholics to get clean than someone who remained teetotal for 5 decades.

What is the acceptable number of years you have to be an alcoholic for to qualify as a speaker on the topic? How many relapses should he have had ideally to ensure he was truely worthy to speak to others?

YABVU.

Woah! I’m an alcoholic. I’m late thirties, I haven’t drank since hitting serious rock bottom on my 30th birthday. According to you, when do I have to stop referring to myself as an alcoholic? When I’m 40? 55?
I would love a drink, I miss it. But I can not have a drink else I’ll be in the gutter again and I have come so far.
I am also the child of someone who died of alcoholism - he was a long term ‘drink to death’ alcoholic - he wanted to get clean on many occasions, just couldn’t do it.

Well done to you for not getting addicted to alcohol in your twenties, that doesn’t mean others who did and got clean aren’t alcoholics. There isn’t a set amount of time someone needs to be addicted or clean to be an addict.

My aunt is an alcoholic but hasn't drunk for forty years. Alcohol turns her into a very nasty person on not very much.

The term alcoholic is being phased out now.

@dogsaremybusiness you can absolutely be an alcoholic for 9 years in your twenties and then HAVE to abstain for the rest of your life as the alternative to abstinence - for many - is drinking yourself to death.

The official AA line is "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic" and that makes absolute sense. I don't think it's up to you to decide they are wrong. You can be an alcoholic without being a raging drunk.

You are being totally unreasonable. He is presumably teetotal instead of an occasional drinker because he's an alcoholic.

I don’t think you understand at all. You don’t stop being an alcoholic when you stop drinking…