You're not an Alcoholic!

[dogsaremybusiness]

I watched a documentary last night, and this woman was saying that alcoholism ran in their family (she was one), and she kind of blamed her Dad because he was an alcoholic too.

It transpired though, that her Dad enjoyed a drink between the ages of 21 and 29, and then he never touched another drop, for the following FIFTY years until his death.

However, he made money touring around and giving pep talks to alcoholics and recovering alcoholics.

AIBU to think that if you drank in your 20's (which most of us do) and then you are Tee total in your 30's, 40's, 50's 60's and 70's that you are NOT a fucking alcoholic, and maybe you just enjoyed making money by claiming that you were?

Really got my back up, as I am the DD of an alcoholic, and do really struggle to keep my own drinking under control.

I think it depends on what this person went through in order to stop drinking.

An alcoholic isn’t someone who enjoys a drink. They need a drink. A lot of alcoholics in recovery are still getting by one day at a time, and if they pick up another drink, they will fully relapse into uncontrollable drinking again and all the devastation that goes along with that.

I would agree with this. It’s how much thought a person gives to alcohol (when they are not drinking) and how much control they have once they start their drinking session that makes them an alcoholic.

I think this is why the word alcoholic is problematic. A lot of people think the term is no longer longer being used as much due to 'woke' or whatever, but alcohol use disorder catches everyone from the most extreme to those holding down jobs etc. If alcohol is causing problems in your life it's an issue. I managed to kid myself otherwise because I wasn't as bad as the stereotypical 'alcoholic'.

Recovering alcoholic obviously… He was one, he stopped and has been sober ever since. The fact he’s maintained complete sobriety often means it was an addiction. Most people binge in their 20s without necessarily being addicted, you’re right but they don’t tend to go completely tee total unless they recognised it was an addiction.

Kudos to him for recognising he is a alcoholic. That is a step a lot of people don't unfortunately get to.

When alcohol becomes a problem in your life then face it. This man had a problem, dealt with it and now is educating people about it. You should admire him, not criticise.

@dogsaremybusiness where was the documentary on, please? I'd quite like to watch it.

That said OP, I was on an alcohol support group and a person came on asking for advice about their half a bottle of wine a week problem. Obviously I didn't say anything negative but I couldn't help but I think if I only I could have a problem like that. It's not even above the recommended limit on units a week.

So by this logic if he was a heroin addict between the ages of 20 and 29 and then overcome his addiction, he is not a heroin addict but someone who simply enjoyed heroin in his 20s?

Is that right? Can you tell us more about this?

I don't drink anymore, nothing. Prior to this I was prone to a heavy wind binge. I decided the battle between drinking too much and an ok amount was too much energy. I decided the price I paid for the night out was too high.

That's really all there is to it.

But people have odd reactions when they see me drinking a NA and question me.

Some people were very "oh me neither, can't remember the last time I had a drink, probably a couple of years ago" which surprised me as I always assumed there was more a decision involved.

But some people looked uncomfortable and said things like "oh! Gosh... I didn't realise you had a problem." I would literally have said "no thanks I'm fine... Yes driving... Well no I don't drink at all anymore."

Still more go into long unrequested and unwelcome details about their own drinking habits, how they are 'not bad', suggestions of how I should consider drinking spirtizers or whatever. I always nod along and try to change the subject.

I think it is appalling that society here assumes alcoholism is the only valid reason to not drink especially as there are so many interpretations of what makes an alcoholic.

The term almost gets in the way of people attempting better behaviours with alcohol.

Well, yes, of course he was. You do realise that alcoholics get sober and then don’t drink anymore, right? The ones who don’t often die prematurely.

I’m an alcoholic. I stopped drinking for good in my early 40s. But I got sober the first time in my late 20s. Would I not have been an alcoholic if I was addicted to alcohol in my 20s and then got sober? But I am now because I relapsed and carried on drinking for another 15 years?

I have nothing but awe for the young people I meet in recovery. I think it’s fantastic to know yourself well enough in your 20s to know you don’t want to blow up your life anymore. Most people I meet are in our 40s-60s. I’d be in much better health now if I’d stopped the first time around in my 20s. There are people who get sober in their late teens after drinking from 10. That’s fab frankly. Good for them. We need their voices too.

An addictive is an addict for life. If they havent used drugs or alcohol for how ever many years they are a recovering addict.
I applaud those who have conquered their addictions but one recovering addict friend if mine said that the wolf is always behind the door and you must make the choice not to open that door. Good advice imho

My DM is an alcoholic. She drank 2L of vodka a day for about 15 years, and was never sober. She ‘stopped’ drinking when she was in her early 40s. I say ‘stopped’ because she has briefly fallen off the wagon a few times during times of very high stress, but has jumped back on quickly with the help of AA.

No matter how old she is (she’s mid-70s) she would never be able to drink normally. “One is too many and a thousand is never enough”. She will ALWAYS be an alcoholic.

In my 20s I had a friend who drank so much he got liver disease by the age of 25. I'd definitely have called him an alcoholic, we're in our late 30s now and I'm pretty sure he doesn't drink but I'd listen to him going around talking about the dangers of alcohol.

I can understand that you feel ‘triggered’ but as you don’t really know his story it’s best to take a few deep breaths and let the annoyance go. My ex is a long time recovering alcholic but he nearly destroyed our lives by his drinking. I used to feel fury at it being called a disease (it felt like a get out of jail card to me). I’ve let it go now and accept that it becomes a mental disease once you’ve overstepped a line.

The moderation management founder had a few problems:The Sad Story of the Moderation Management Founder | AA Agnostica

I know a chap in his 80’s who has been sober since his late 20’s. He says he felt it get hold of him and knew if he didn’t stop he’d be dead so I think yabu.

I'm an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic. My brother is an alcoholic. I'm in my seventies now & will have been sober for 19 years in November. Life would have been much easier for me & my family if I had stopped drinking earlier & I would still be an alcoholic even if I had been sober for the last fifty years.

This woman never really knew her Dad when he drank - she would have been a toddler when he stopped. My Dad was an alcoholic from when I was age 9 until he died (when I was 57 and he was 84). Over those years, I have witnessed all sorts of madness, from him getting out of moving cars and going missing, telling my Mum he was going to kill her, throwing dinner up the wall, punching holes in doors, injuring himself to the point he needed hospital, and then, when he was in a retirement home, it continued and we were often called in for meetings with management about his behaviour, which included taking his clothes off in the bar and weeing all over the ATM (to mention a few highlights). He would also get drunk and fall out of his chair, and not be able to get up, so the calls would come in at 1am etc.

I guess when she was blaming her Dad for her alcoholism, I just could not help to compare her lived experiences with her Dad to mine - her Dad was sober for most of her life, and certainly for all of her adult life.

Hmmm. Ok I get where you’re coming from. BUT there’s a key difference.
I’m a recovering alcoholic.
I’ve been sober for 19 years.
That’s a very long time.
But trust me. I definitely am an alcoholic.
If I am sober for another 20 years I will still be an alcoholic.
I can’t drink like other people do. I have no moderation switch.
I have no off switch.
If I started drinking again within weeks I’d be back in the throes of my illness and I would ruin my life and probably the lives of those who love me.
You don’t get to decide who is and isn’t an alcoholic. And we come in all different shapes and sizes. Accepting his alcoholism is what probably kept that man sober.

Of course you can be an alcoholic and quit alcohol

That’s the case with any recovering alcoholic- otherwise they’re not recovering

Thats not really comparable though because drinking is socially accetable
Lots of people of my genration ( im.53) drank quite a bit in their 20s
And dont now
Heroin has never been socislly acceptable people dont go to bars and clubs to do Heroin.

It’s very rare for someone who’s been in the throes of alcoholism for years to be able go back to a level of drinking that most people would describe as “average” (drinks a few times a month, never to excess, can take it or leave it).
They are policing their own behaviour for the rest of their lives, because even a small quantity can trigger a swift descent into relapse.
In that sense they are living with alcoholism permanently, and it’s not unreasonable for them to describe themselves as “an alcoholic”.

I'm not saying it isn't great when people stop. But if I look back to my 20's then every single person I knew was an alcoholic. EVERYONE. And I just can't subscribe to that really.

You have no idea what alcoholism is, nor what an alcoholic is