AIBU is my husband mean?

[LRA89]

Just wanting honest opinions on this. My husband went away with work for a couple of days so I had our 2 and 3 year old daughters by myself which is fine, it went okay. I worked at the beginning of the week and stayed late to catch up, and on the whole I do a lot of the childcare. So this evening I had booked a show and I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks, it was a live stream of a live theatre show if that makes sense, so all at home but has the same start and finish time, no rewinding! I don’t really have time for hobbies at the moment and rarely do anything for myself. Despite my husband having the afternoon to himself as I was out with the kids at a birthday party, he effed up bedtime so much I had to come and help him (both kids screaming). I then missed my show. When I got upset my husband text me “sometimes you don’t get to watch what you want”, and when I said angrily “maybe don’t go away overnight so much” he replied “if you stop getting takeaways and cinnamon buns for breakfast I wouldn’t have to work so much”. Almost personal and trying to shame me. I’m starting to get a bit of a sinking feeling that my husband is actually not all that nice to me. He’s not always this grumpy, but it made me realise he doesn’t get the mother’s load and never will. Thanks all x

His comment would make me ne er want to see him naked again. Just reading it has given me the ick about him. You deserve better.

He sounds like a right prince!

Next time go to a live theatre or cinema show so you are of the house when he needs help with his own kids!

He was being mean.

He had a problem with it for some reason, he should have had these discussions with you previously not thrown this in your face at this time
He was clearly being defensive.

I completely understand why you came to put kids to bed as kids come first and you did want them crying and uncomfortable as they needed to go to bed. It was about the kids and not him.

He sounds incompetent there. How sad that you couldn't enjoy something for yourself. You deserve to.

I hope you can in the future.

Is he like this often, or is this a one off after a week that's been challenging for both of you? Traveling for work does sound more appealing than toddler wrangling on your own to me, but it's still generally soulless and tiring. Away from home comforts, home food, bed you like. Colleagues you can't escape from. Always "on". Etc.

The toddler years are tricky and it's easy to both sink into feeling you're the hard done by one. If this isn't his general character, I think you could do with both trying to give each other a bit more grace, accept things are going to be tricky for a few years and try and develop a team approach.

If this is his character, though, resentment will likely build and I'd suggest focusing on getting yourself a career that will provide you with the standard of living you want so you don't have to rely on him any more.

Right, so it is ok for him to have his beers and you not to have your takeaways/cinnamon buns?

These are seperate issues and the reason he brings these things up which are irrelevant is so he doesn't have to deal with the problem at hand. He sounds immature.

When he does this ignore this dont engage on those things he is saying and continue to him with the problem at hand.

i think you deserve your treats the takeaway and cinnamon buns. Dont feel bad about them.

This. I would have left him to it

Sounds like you need to leave the kids with him more and actually go out so he has to deal with them.