AIBU is my husband mean?

[LRA89]

Just wanting honest opinions on this. My husband went away with work for a couple of days so I had our 2 and 3 year old daughters by myself which is fine, it went okay. I worked at the beginning of the week and stayed late to catch up, and on the whole I do a lot of the childcare. So this evening I had booked a show and I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks, it was a live stream of a live theatre show if that makes sense, so all at home but has the same start and finish time, no rewinding! I don’t really have time for hobbies at the moment and rarely do anything for myself. Despite my husband having the afternoon to himself as I was out with the kids at a birthday party, he effed up bedtime so much I had to come and help him (both kids screaming). I then missed my show. When I got upset my husband text me “sometimes you don’t get to watch what you want”, and when I said angrily “maybe don’t go away overnight so much” he replied “if you stop getting takeaways and cinnamon buns for breakfast I wouldn’t have to work so much”. Almost personal and trying to shame me. I’m starting to get a bit of a sinking feeling that my husband is actually not all that nice to me. He’s not always this grumpy, but it made me realise he doesn’t get the mother’s load and never will. Thanks all x

I am so sorry you've been cursed with this selfish, arrogant manchild. I'd seriously consider divorce if my partner behaved this way and didn't fix up quickly. Please also keep in mind that your children are much more observant than they appear and might assume that this type of behaviour from men is normal - surely you would be horrified if their future partners treat them the way your husband is treating you? I hope you get a nice life of freedom and fair treatment, away from that toad of a man.

What do you think he was looking for in your phone @LRA89
Proof that you are spending bags of money on tat?

Proof that you are bad mouthing him?
Proof you are seeing someone else?

What exactly was he digging for? If he wanted to see what the weather was going to be, he would have used his own phone.
I hear that you have thrown barbed comments to each other. Sounds normal.
What story is he telling himself in his own head, that he needs to look for evidence from your phone to justify himself.

" The whole time my husband is messaging me to say hurry up, the kids are driving him nuts. "

i wonder what the kids think of him.
can you find out and encourage them to tell him.
if they are old enough

i saw something like this on wife swap episode
the woman told the man i am sick of it we are splitting up and he was so distraught he promised to change.

the kids are both your responsibility. not just yours. this is unfair to you.
he needs to step up and learn.

i would ask him if,
i mean does he ever want to be a dad to the kids? when does he think this will happen because they are only kids once?
he sounds miserable and sorry to say like he doesnt like you or children very much.
like he wants out of this 'miserable' relationship

i think he needs to get a taste of that somehow
to realise what that would be like.

Also you deserve better. He sounds unbearable, bad tempered too.
you are a good mum and this man is not helping you.

and so what if you told your sister about him

i would tell him
'yes i did tell her about you! you are making my life very difficult at the moment. I can't cope with it.'
also tell him

'You had no right to go through my phone!
Don't ever go through my phone again, that is violation of my boundaries.'
who knows if he will listen but you tell him

i honestly dont know how you suffer this man it would be very hard for me.

also do you have any other childcare? like family etc. someone who can look after the children properly.

i would use them to help and go and do what you want to do
see a show etc
enjoy yourself and treats.