Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

[josephiine]

The advert makes it sound like it’s a lovely thing and saves money. I get that it’s cheaper but surely that’s because it is literally a body disposal service?
My FIL has just planned his, he asked my husband if he minds which he doesn’t, but it got us talking, am I missing anything?

Well, loved ones can still have the ashes afterwards I think. So it’s the same as any other cremation, just without a coffin and a service. That’s my understanding anyway.

Yeah I think so - it's just the cremation, I don't think you attend. Have you asked FIL if he would like you do to something in lieu of a funeral - have a family/friends gathering or something?

It’s what it says in the tin surely? A direct cremation with none of the faff around it. You get the ashes of the person back if you want them.

Even if it was a body disposal service, what’s wrong with that if that’s what someone has chosen?

My mum wanted this, so it’s what we did. You still get the ashes. It’s just a cremation with no one there. So no service, no one attends, they get cremated with no one there and you get sent the ashes afterwards.

My Grandad died a few weeks ago and had this. He was 96 with Alzheimers, and neither of his daughters could be fussed with a funeral. It would just be family there and maybe a couple of carehome workers, everyone else he knew and cared about had pre-deceased him years ago.

We've got his ashes and we're going to do something to mark his life at some point early next year, no need for the formality of a funeral.

My Dad wants the same thing when he goes, doesn't want the formality of a funeral, would prefer we all just went and had a party in his local with the money we'd have wasted on a funeral put behind the bar.

To be honest, I'd probably want the same thing, but I know DP would want a proper funeral for me, and seeing as she'll be there and I won't I'll defer to her.

I think the ads are misleading. It sounds like a no-frills funeral but they just dispose of the body. There's no ceremony of saying goodbye to the person in their physical presence. So unless you come from a culture where there is a wake at home with the coffin first, I imagine it could leave you feeling unresolved. I had a beloved relative that went for this, and paid for everyone to go to the pub. But there was no ceremony, no speeches. No one knew what to do or say. Whereas for my dad's funeral, the chance to choose his favourite music, show slides of him through the ages, have people come up and give speeches about him, all in front of his coffin, which was decorated with his favourite flowers - that was very healing.

I haven’t looked into it but from memory seeing the adverts on tv yes, I think it’s a cremation without a service.

And you presumably also don’t need to pay for a coffin because a coffin is obviously needed if you’re having a service but not otherwise.

My recently deceased Uncle did not want a funeral. Some of his body has gone to London for medical research, as per his request, and the rest is being cremated without a service. His next of kin will receive the ashes to do as they wish with them.

We did a direct cremation for my Dad via our local undertaker and it was a LOT cheaper than these companies. They called it an "unattended" cremation, they use the early morning slots at the local crem and the coffin still goes into the crem in the normal way in a hearse, they all bow their heads etc and the coffin is then trundled back. We had the ashes back 2 weeks later. They don't tell you when it's happening so family don't turn up to watch etc.

Dad died a very traumatic cancer death and we were simply too scarred for a public service. We did a beautiful service interring his ashes into his plot in our local church on a hot summers day and the vicar was lovely. I want exactly the same when my time comes.

You get the ashes back later to as you wish at a memorial service

Same as if the body is donated to medical science - ashes are returned 6 months later

@HorseandHeron I feel the same way. I actually have fond memories of my parents’ funerals- they were celebratory occasions and I was as able to hear so much about them from people who had known them at different stages of their lives. It was healing and felt right. Funerals are really for the people left behind and grieving. The deceased person is at rest and knows nothing about any of it!

It's known as a simple cremation and is unattended. The body is cremated either in a wooden or biodegradable coffin and the ashes are returned to you afterwards in a casket of your choice. Many funeral services now include this as an option. It is a very respectful process and apart from there being no service, everything is much the same as a traditional cremation, with personal attention from an undertaker & you are informed of the time and day of the cremation.

No one is there when a body is cremated, so I don’t see it as much different if you don’t want the fuss / expense of a funeral. You commit the body for cremation at a service but it’s not happening as you are still in the crematorium. Unlike a burial where you are part of the process.

So, I can see why these are gaining popularity. Especially as a PP when a loved one has outlived a good number of friends and or family.

A friends father had one and then they had a family lunch where they all shared their memories / spoke etc and then scattered the ashes. It’s not for everyone but for those who wish it, I can see how it’s becoming more popular.

I think funerals are changing, much the same as weddings have evolved over the years now they aren’t limited to a church or registery offices. It feels like funerals are also changing how they happen. It might take longer for people to accept they aren’t always how they used to be.

THere is nothing at all to stop you having a memorial service and speeches and music
you just do not have a coffin or time deadline

you can either wait for the ashes to come back
or make the scattering of ashes a chance to visit favourite places with a purpose

We actually found the funerals of close relatives quite traumatic and would much rather have been able to remember them in a different way . I will talk to my DC about what they would rather do and plan accordingly . I agree though that Pure Cremation ads are misleading

I’ve always thought it is a bit crazy to have to organise a funeral when you are at your most distressed. I like the idea of a ‘pure cremation’ followed by a memorial service of your own design at a time of your own choosing, as long as it aligns with the wishes of the deceased (and possibly their direct relatives - brothers and sisters).

It's just a direct cremation. But tbh it's not that much cheaper than a basic funeral.

It's cheaper with a local independent funeral place

yup. Burn em and bag em.
That's what I want. No faff, no fuss.

I plan to do this. It saves all the hoopla and then loved ones can have a memorial service as and if they want one.

Having organised my dad’s funeral a few years ago - finding readings, and a singer and choosing hymns, creating and having printed an order of service, arranging a priest and church, and a crematorium, picking an outfit for him, choosing flowers, coffins, hearses, cars, clothes, ferrying people about, booking a venue, ordering a buffet, letting people know, and at the same time trying to unpick his estate, cancel direct debits, sell his car, deal with my mum’s shock and distress, and all the while dealing with my own and my children’s sadness, was the hardest time in my life. This option would have been so welcome.

He was a man who hated a fuss and hated being the centre of attention, and he would definitely have chosen to ‘slip away’ had he had the choice. He also knew the value of a pound and would have appreciated the value element!!

If you're being clinical about it, all cremation is "disposal". The only difference with direct cremation is there's no family in attendance.
We did direct cremation for my mother in law - she was very private and asked for no funeral in her will. The local funeral director was fabulous and treated us exactly the same as if we'd asked for a top drawer send off. Her ashes were returned shortly after and we have scattered them somewhere she loved, followed by a memorial gathering a few months after she died and were able to remember her fondly, rather than who she'd become through dementia. We'll also do the same for my dad when the time comes as he's fallen out with every member of his family so there's no point in having any find of funeral.

Disposal of the body is exactly what I want. My husband (who incidentally will be 80 tomorrow) and I are both having direct cremation when we go (daughter has agreed) and when my mother died in 2019 we had a direct cremation for her. We didn't want her ashes, so they disposed of them. It was bad enough having her in my house when she was alive, so I certainly don't want her here now she's dead. There was no 'wake', service or gathering, nor will there be for my husband or me. Just disposal.

I’m pretty sure there was something on The One Show/Watchdog type thing about this and issues with misleading advertising.

I would be prefer to be buried. Ideally under a tree near a stream. But I don't think that will happen.

This is what I want. I don't have much family and hardly any who are younger than me and give a shit. This means I have no idea who would organise my funeral even if I wanted one so a pure cremation seems like the best solution. Better than a pawper's funeral. I don't really see the problem with it.If it's what people choose. If family and friends of the deceased want a service or a wake then all they need to do is organise that themselves, with or without ashes present.

When my Dad died we had a small family witnessed cremation of just 20 close family . Cost just over £2,000 . We had a short ten minute service with pall bearers , we put flowers and a photo on the coffin, a family member said a short eulogy and poem , we had some music . It was all we needed to say goodbye. I think it’s important to say goodbye as it gives closure .