Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

[josephiine]

The advert makes it sound like it’s a lovely thing and saves money. I get that it’s cheaper but surely that’s because it is literally a body disposal service?
My FIL has just planned his, he asked my husband if he minds which he doesn’t, but it got us talking, am I missing anything?

You are better using your local undertaker over these companies that advertise on TV.

I said to my sister about six months after mum dying "now I feel ready and able to consider the right sort of funeral" but we had of course already had it and I'd had to deal with most of it while also overseeing the estate, informing everyone, closing out medical and financial stuff, starting to think about probate, the house and will etc etc.
And I'd spent about nine months taking her to and from various medical appointments, and then three weeks sitting by her while she died.

A few months off at that point would have been nice. But she wanted a burial so we had to get on with it.

And I suspect getting elderly relatives there 6m after she died would have been nigh-on impossible, because "well, it's not actually a funeral, is it". Not that many came anyway.

So, there we go, it got done about three weeks after she died. It was OK, we had lobster and our very own barista, all compered by a stand up comedian -which she would have liked.

This annoyed me at my MIL's funeral. She'd been on her own for a few years and there were people turning up who all lived locally but none of them had ever bothered to visit her or ring to see how she was getting on. It was like they'd just come for the buffet and something to do, and a nose round her house. Similarly when my dad died abroad, in a country where it's all done very quickly, his family got a bit sniffy about the fact that he didn't have a "proper" funeral. I wouldn't have minded, but they hadn't been to see him for years, so we resented the fact that they were bothering us about it when we were still coping with his death. It was all just performative, which was something my dad couldn't stand. We have his ashes, and it gives us time to sort out a proper time when the immediate family can all be together, and to organise things without stress and hurry. I don't see anything disrespectful or sterile about that, and would be fine with the same myself.

I agree. The funeral is for the grieving to give them a chance to remember the person who has died. I found organising my mother's and my brothers funerals painful but also very cathartic.
I think the deceaseds family and friends should do whatever they think will give them the most comfort because it's too late for the dead person to care

All funerals are body disposal services. These just cut out paying funeral directors a fortune to parade a coffin about prior.

Yes it's just a direct cremation. We arranged my mum's through the local funeral directors. We had to pay extra to have her cremated at the local crematorium rather than a 100 miles away.
I was quite shocked she didn't want a funeral initially but my dad explained her reasons and he wants the same.
We had a private family service with a celebrant on the same day close by.
I have her ashes, you get them back!

Many traditional funeral directors are now also offering "direct cremation" using local council run crematoria. You don't have to deal with an impersonal online service.

Some may also offer, for an extra fee, having a limited number of attendees. In this case, you would know which day and at what time the cremation is taking place. With a non attending cremation, you may not be told which day the cremation will take place.

My husband died in June. He had no relatives other than a sister from whom he had been estranged for many years and I have few relatives on my side of the family. I chose to have a non attending direct cremation provided by a long established local family owned funeral directors who have a private crematorium in the grounds of their extensive woodland burial site, which is located a mile or so from my village.

They collected my husband's body from the hospital mortuary and it remained in their care for several days before the cremation took place. I was informed when they had taken him into their care.

I chose to have a biodegradable "shell" rather than a coffin. After the cremation, I was informed that it had taken place and I was able to book a time to collect the ashes, in person. Later this year, next year or when we feel ready, my adult son and I will scatter my husband's ashes in several places. There was also the option to have his ashes scattered in the woodland area and also an option for having a tree planted in his memory.

Being local and using the funeral director's private crematorium was more expensive than Pure Cremation or other online services but broadly comparable to the fee charged by local Co-op funeral directors and by other local directors for the same basic direct cremation service. It cost £1,650.

It brought some comfort to know that my husband's body was resting only a mile or so away in the days before the cremation and that the cremation took place at the same site rather than a body being transported to whichever unspecified crematorium an online service might be using. And it was still a very personal service with frequent communication with sympathetic staff from this local family funeral directors.

They would have met me at home or I could have travelled to their office to make the arrangements but I was able to make all arrangements over the phone and via email.

My DM hated funerals with a vengeance - she didn't go to my dad's nor to her sister's, nor either of her parents'. So we had a direct cremation for her organised by a local undertaker and we asked them to dispose of the ashes for us.

A little while after she died we held what we called "Grandma's After Party" - we had a gathering of friends and family where several people got up and spoke about her. We sang her favourite hymn and then when we marked her life doing what she loved best - chatting and eating cake.

We placed a massive order from Morrisons including a very large vanilla and strawberry victoria sponge. Unfortunately it was substituted with a pink iced princess celebration cake! We gave it pride of place with a photo of her beside it. It would have made her day!

I've been to a couple of funerals lately where the cremation has taken place with just immediate family before the church service which was interesting.

My dad had a direct cremation. He died in the first month of Covid and we couldn’t have a funeral.

I find the advert with the jolly man in the bath rattling on about sausage rolls really quite unpleasant.

Nobody apart from crem staff is present at the actual cremation whether you have the full service beforehand or not. You can have ashes back from a direct cremation if you want them, and it's not done en masse. Nor does anything stop you having a ceremonial gathering of whatever nature you want - at home, in a pub, in a hall, in a church, on top of a mountain, with prayers and speeches or without - it's just slightly more separated in time and venue from the cremation.

Yes it's body disposal. But so is any other method (apart from having the body stuffed and put in a display case, Bentham style, as PrettyLittleRose suggests).

This is all very personal though isnt it
I found my mums funersl quite stressful i didnt know how i would react when i saw the coffin
It was a cathoilic funersl so she had a full requiem mass which was her choice and then we went to the crematorium so it was a long day
What is comforting to some people is stressful for others

I hope so, as myself and partner don't want the faff of a traditional funeral

I think it's about time we got the choice of body disposal, it's all tied up in religious beliefs from the past

DH died when DS was 13 and we just went down the traditional route as no choice back then. It was fucking traumatic and I wouldn't want to go through that again

Obviously I have told family of my wishes but with the caveat that if they felt they wanted to deal with it in a different way then that is fine as well

I have officiated at many funerals, and I do believe that the pure cremation advertising is misleading. It glosses over the importance of symbolism and saying goodbye.

You can have a funeral service without having a lot of fuss, or expense.

You don’t need an officiant, either religious, or secular. You can invite people to gather at the crematorium, and you have a half hour slot to do whatever you want to do - play music, share memories, whatever. But you’re there, and you see the coffin disappear behind the curtains. For many people, that is important. And then, if you want, you go to the pub or the village hall, or back home, and continue sharing memories of the person.

The ashes will be returned to you afterwards, or disposed of if that’s what you prefer.

With a direct cremation, you CAN’T be present. You can still have the gathering in the pub, or the village home, or the home, if that’s what you want. But, for me, there would always be something missing.

There are some people for whom the direct cremation is the right choice. But I believe there are many who choose it without knowing what it really means, and without discussing it with their families. Remember, that funerals are really for the benefit of the living, not the dead.

A relative just had one of these and as much as I hate funerals it's left me with a weird no closure sort of feeling and like I haven't really grieved. It was what they wanted though. Some friends and family were a bit weird about it too.
It was about £1300 with a local undertaker and we were told the place and time and could choose music to be played during the cremation.

My father died a few years ago and had a direct cremation which happened with out a fuss
I collected his ashes and organised a memorial service in his village hall a few weeks later
it was great and well attended and as the lady who ran the village hall said a whole memorial service and eulogy without mentioning God once !

My dad used PC - it was exactly what he wanted. He hated the idea of a funeral and felt that they just put unnecessary stress and upset on the family.
When he died, they came within a couple of hours, were so polite and respectful, the call handlers dealt with virtually everything, bar the stuff that we had to do legally.
We were asked if we wanted to know the cremation date/time - my mum elected not to. The ashes were hand delivered to me a week after the cremation iirc. Couldn't fault them for service.
I know it's not for everyone - if you want the closure of a funeral then this wouldn't suit, but for my pragmatic, non religious dad, this was a really good option.

Sounds good.
We've chosen and paid for adjacent plots in a wildflower meadow burial ground. (Paid for with some money I inherited from an aunt - seemed appropriate - she'd probably have laughed) Don't want a big do. But not for some years yet, we hope. We like the idea of being recycled by the wildlife. Cremation is a waste of good resources, we reckon.

I can think of nothing worse than the very small number of my surviving family hanging about outside and then taking up half a dozen seats in a huge crematorium for a hollow ceremony. If there were a load of people going who would get together and chat about things and catch up with each other it would be different. I would prefer they get together for a few drinks and a cosy meal, which I think would be far more appropriate and enjoyable for them.

you can check if your own local crematorium does direct funerals

My local cream charges an Unattended Direct Cremation fee of £550. This covers the professional administration, environmental fees, the cremation itself, and a simple biodegradable container for the ashes

then ask a local undertakers to do the transportation, coffin and they'll need 4 people to move the coffin. The undertakers will charge for this service

you don't legally need to have a coffin but the deceased must be presented at the cram in a stiff ridged box and the body hidden from view whilst handling

In all honesty you'll probably get a much quicker cremation as most Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 8.30am are freely available - so it can be arranged and completed within 5 days - as long as you are swift getting the death certificate. You can pick up the ashes within 2/3 days. Then have the memorial service within 10 days of death with the ashes

far quicker than a standard funeral

tbh Id rather all my friends and family arranged to go to the pub and had a wake for me with the ashes sat nearby and they have a celebration of my life and share stories, have some music I liked playing in the background and then all go home after a decent feed and a few drinks

My mum has opted for a direct cremation, after consulting me to check I didn’t want a funeral (nope) and she had no other family to consider.
They'll deliver her ashes back to me and I’ll arrange for them to be interred with my Dad’s ashes per her wish

I agree. Every culture and society on earth has placed importance on social rituals at the time of births, deaths, marriages and becoming an adult. That isn't an accident.

Bearing in mind you can have whatever form of service/commemoration you choose I'm surprised how many people think its a set form. The social coming together at a funeral often is a reunion of people who are there to remember their friend/relative and each other at the end of a life. That is part of the point of the ritual.

Pure cremation is a brand and I think their ads are very misleading and there has been lots of negative press regarding their practices. Most funeral directors provide direct cremation whilst also allowing packages such as viewing loved ones and knowing when the crem service will be - very unlike Pure cremation

I knew an elderly man who opted for this. Six months later (in the summer), his children booked a room at a pub with a big garden and invited family and friends for a memorial party. There were displays of photos, and some relatives said a few words. It was great.

If you have an elderly relative where most friends have died or too infirm to attend a service and very few relatives left then these services seem ideal. We are in this position and they have asked for Pure Cremation. We will use local undertakers and they give the option of bringing able to be at crematorium when coffin arrives. Relative hates funerals and fuss and there would probably only be 4 people at the service if we had one

We used a service like this for a family member. They were very respectful about the whole thing, and delivered her ashes back beautifully packaged etc. We held a separate memorial. I am intending to ask my loved ones to do direct cremation for me too when I die.