Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

[josephiine]

The advert makes it sound like it’s a lovely thing and saves money. I get that it’s cheaper but surely that’s because it is literally a body disposal service?
My FIL has just planned his, he asked my husband if he minds which he doesn’t, but it got us talking, am I missing anything?

I was there (at the funeral) for my gran as ahe stayed with him. Long story. We sat with her during the collection of info and afterwards made sure that all names of his children and grandchildren were removed from the speech. We did the best we could without making my gran feel even more shit.

What it says on the tin and you decide whether to have the tin urn at all.

My husband wants this and everyone to just have a little reception at the local pub. We will play his favourite music and their will be photos of him during his life dotted around the place.

I think it will be much nicer than a proper funeral and be much more him.

Most people have a gathering separately to honour the memory of the deceased.
It is a 3 day turnaround in Ireland. It’s easier to deal with.

My Mum had a direct cremation, I was able to put a book & a blanket in with her & I did have the option to sit with the coffin whilst it was still at the funeral home which I didn’t do. Her ashes were returned to me. I was told precisely what to expect when I bought it.
We had a meal out a few weeks later with friends. We all came up with a memory & read them out. Family photos passed around, her friends seeing what she was like when she was little, her family & where she came from. There was a lot of laughter & joy.
She had specified cremation & where she wanted her ashes to go but not any ceremony. She used to throw amazing dinner parties, was a fantastic cook & to me, after a decade of dementia, it felt right that we remembered that side of her & had good friends, good food, good music & good memories.
As the only surviving close relative, I had been there at the end so I’d said my goodbyes. I’d had my closure.
Her friends were of an age when funerals were a regular occurrence, I’d attended so many on her behalf.
In your 80s, you’re more likely to die than live. We celebrated life.

They aren't false and theatrical if you don't want them to be. For my mum's we had a moving but modern service at the crematorium chapel, which was only itself built a few years ago. I wrote and gave the eulogy. We had loads of photos set to music and lovely readings. Nothing wrong with the direct cremation route though and there are certainly circumstances where that is more appropriate.

What is a funeral if it's not disposing of a body. Surely, with or without all the pomp and frills, this is what it is.

“I wrote and gave the eulogy. We had loads of photos set to music and lovely readings.”

This is what I don’t like about funerals. I find them so performative.

When my mum died, we did this. We received her ashes and held a short ceremony of our own, interring her ashes next to my father's and brother's. It was really nice - simple and heartfelt.

Can't you go to the Undertaker and view your Dad before the cremation?

I was on abroad when my Mum died. I arranged a visit on my return to the UK so I got "closure" but I often wish I hadn't so my memory of her would be only as she was Alive, not dead.

It sounds like a no-frills funeral but they just dispose of the body. There's no ceremony of saying goodbye to the person in their physical presence

Being realistic, the "person" the deceased was is no longer there, and while it's not the word generally used isn't "disposal" what has to be done with all bodies, whether cremated, interred or something else?

"Direct cremation" was gaining in popularity anyway, but I'm told it was the covid restrictions which really boosted the choice, and while it doesn't appeal to everyone surely it's just another option

Faceonthewrongfoot Some people have strongly held religious beliefs so it seems right to honour them by having a service based on that. My FIL is a vicar and although none of his children are religious we will hold a funeral mass in church according to his wishes as his whole life has been dedicated to his faith and beliefs.

No, his body hasn't been prepared for viewing.

This . All we had was a witnessed cremation for 20 closest to the deceased , put flowers in the coffin , a photo said a few words and a prayer, had some music , done . All for 2k . It gave us closure .

You sound like a shareholder of one of the firms providing this.

"it's a respectful process...."

Sez who? No-one's allowed to attend (of course) so we won't know if this is true or not.

And "many funeral services now include this as an option" because they have to, otherwise Pure Cremations would be getting all of the business from all those people who can't be arsed to see their deceased relatives off in the traditional way.

There is a coffin though.

I think a lot of people choose to do a form of ceremony but using the scattering of the ashes rather than having the body there.

I doubt it is "respectful," just a job to be jobbed.

I'm seriously considering signing up for one of those.

And "many funeral services now include this as an option" because they have to, otherwise Pure Cremations would be getting all of the business from all those people who can't be arsed to see their deceased relatives off in the traditional way.

But some people will have requested a direct cremation for themselves.

As for ". . .can't be arsed to see their deceased relatives off in the traditional way."

Traditions evolve.

My Dad insisted on this, i was unhappy about it but it was his choice. When he died i was so glad he had chosen this, no funeral to arrange was a blessing. The company kept us informed at every step, they told us when dad was being taken to the crematorium and at what time his cremation would be. I spent time in the garden and my brother shut himself away in his shed.They called us an hour later to see how we were. When we arrived to collect his ashes they were wonderful, they made it feel that we were there to collect our dad not just a box of ashes.
I have now decided that i will be going the same way.

These direct funerals seem rather inhuman to me

After dealing with several family funerals in the last few years DH and I have discussed this and both want the disposal of our bodies to be as cheap and easy as possible for those we leave behind, so I think we will be pre-paying for direct cremation soon.

I find burial upsetting (I've seen an elderly spouse beside themselves at the thought of leaving the coffin in the grave open to the elements) and cremation services always seem like a conveyor belt. There's only a short time-slot and especially if there are other grieving families around it all seems quite impersonal to me. I also don't think all the 'traditional' costs and ceremony are what want either, and I know from experience that in the few weeks after a death it just feels wrong to do anything but spend whatever it takes to get 'the best' for your loved one. I would prefer for my body to be disposed of as quickly and efficiently as possible (frankly, I'd be happy for it to be treated as clinical waste). No need for anyone to watch as it's sent for the process to begin.

I think it's useful for family and friends to meet to mark someone's passing but that could be at a time that suits the closest family (some might want it to be in the same week as the death, others might not feel ready for a while) and in whatever setting they feel most comfortable. There can be words read, photos shown, stories told etc and it can be formal or informal- but it doesn't require the presence of a coffin or expensive cars/flowers etc. I've told my (young adult) DC that I would prefer them to spend as little as possible disposing of my body but spend some of whatever I leave doing something enjoyable that reminds them of me- like a visit to one of my favourite holiday destinations or a theatre trip.

It can't help the grieving process either

We had a direct cremation recently for a relative, they had specifically asked for no funeral and a direct cremation which we arranged with a local undertaker. We were told a day beforehand what time the cremation would occur so we could sit with our memories if we wanted. The crematorium also asked about a piece of music we might like to have played at the cremation. A few weeks later we had a Celebration of their life and we have just scattered their ashes at a tree planting ceremony. I found it was a lot easier and less stressful, and the tree planting ceremony was really lovely and a beautiful way to remember them.