Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

[josephiine]

The advert makes it sound like it’s a lovely thing and saves money. I get that it’s cheaper but surely that’s because it is literally a body disposal service?
My FIL has just planned his, he asked my husband if he minds which he doesn’t, but it got us talking, am I missing anything?

I'm a former death worker. Natural burials are becoming a lot more common but there are a lot of strict rules that you need to follow. I like the option, although I personally plan to be cremated. I've seen first hand the process for embalming, and decided long ago to never do it. It has its place, but is very invasive. Never let a funeral director tell you that embalming is mandatory.

Oooh yeah, I hate that advert.

My dad and step mum have opted for a direct cremation and I don’t blame them. We’ve had so many traumatic family funerals. I want to be buried as if I had any choice I’d never go in a crem again, alive or dead. They’re just awful places. My mum will need a funeral one day in the future which will be awful as she’s upset a lot of people over the years who may want to come for closure (and to ask about some dodgy finances which isn’t going to be fun)

When my DH died a couple of years ago I arranged direct cremation with the Co-Op. Cost £1395. Ashes were returned to me afterwards.

We paid for pure cremation funerals 10 years sgo - i wanted to have it all paid for in advance as i read somewhere that funeral prices were rising. I also knew that we would be moving house at some stage so didnt want to use a local firm. I think we paid about £1500 each.

You can do all of that without a funeral though... it just needs to be planned.

Whether it's a lovely thing is a matter of personal preference. All forms of cremation are 'body disposal.' Even burial is eventually just a means of body disposal, it just takes a lot longer to dispose of. So what? Most people don't especially care about how their body is disposed of, so long as it's not left rotting in public view and attracting vultures.

There is an awful lot of pressure on families to give their relatives a 'good send off' when the reality is that for the elderly, there is often a poor turn out anyway. Most of their friend, colleagues, siblings etc are either already dead or too elderly and infirm to travel and it feels like a huge imposition that loads a sense of guilt onto those who feel unable to attend. I'd much rather give my children 10k to spend on things they need and want, and ask them to mark my death among themselves in whatever way they choose (ideally doing something private and low key) than waste it on an elaborate funeral that people might feel obliged to travel to, but would probably rather not.

Any amount of money spent on a very fancy coffin always seems like an outrageous waste of money to me.

My dad had already paid for direct cremation and the plan is for us to get a pub and he has a whole plan for his favourite music, he’s put together a whole power point telling his ( very interesting) life story and sharing photos of him in his various bands and public facing roles. He’s recorded himself talking about his family and his memories not not like a whole seminar, just in 2-5 minute soundbites interspersed with music and photos. A kind of “this was my life” and these are the Pele Avas events that were important to me. He’s even got cds with the file and photos on for people to take away if they want to. It’s far, far from “body disposal”. He wants us to spend the £5k he has saved on a family holiday which I think is lovely. Then we get his ashes back and he goes on the family plot.

I’m defo up for the same thing for me and DH. But I’d quite like my ashes to be spread in my favourite spot in Wales where I have the very best memories from holidaying with my nan, then my children and now spending time away with my grand children.

There are some places that allow family members to be present for the cremation. Some even allow the family members to push the button to stay the cremation. Not super common but not unheard of. The actual process of cremation will just be with staff, as it does require the occasional checking in of the body to see how far along it's going.

I had a direct cremation disposal for my dad when he died in Nov 2016. I hadn't heard of it before he died but a friend told me and it sounded ideal.

It cost £1,294, I wasn't in attendance and the funeral directors chose the crematorium and the time of the cremation (and sent me a letter to confirm the details). They scattered his ashes there too.

As a family we were very unsentimental about death and also I was keen to avoid fuss and having to cater a sad event. I half-joked to the hospital where he died that if they could dispose of him via clinical waste that would be ideal, but sadly no. My dad would have loved to know his mortal remains were dispensed with with such efficiency. I'm not sure if they bothered putting him in some sort of coffin but I like to think it was a 'self-folding' cardboard one. Never seen a man happier than when he was telling me about the construction of some clever flat-pack box he'd discovered :-)

I can't remember the exact details but I vaguely recall that the fee for the cremation could be either paid for by or at least recovered from the estate, before probate was all sorted out.

This is the current page for The Good Funeral Guide on direct cremation https://goodfuneralguide.co.uk/direct-cremation/ and this is the Archived 2016 version, which incidentally lists Pure Cremation <a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20161121114132/www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/direct-disposal" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://web.archive.org/web/20161121114132/www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/direct-disposal/

I went with our local funeral director, none of the ones on the page - ours matched the price of Empathy Funerals. I imagine with the increase in their popularity the price might (have) come down a bit.

Jo

Direct cremation is clear that there is no service, so not sure why people are saying it's misleading.

Arent all funerals just body disposal? And whether you want to have a ritual or ceremony around it is personal choice.

My father died two weeks ago, and he's having a direct cremation. It was his and my mothers wish. she will have the same when her time comes. We've been assured that they read out the persons name and display a picture when the coffin goes into the cremation chamber, we know the date that it will be done, and we'll be given the ashes. But we absolutely cannot be there.

I have to admit, I'm absolutely heartbroken that there is no funeral, devastated in fact. My mother was with him when he died, my sister arrived not long after and before they took him away. So they got to say goodbye. I was on holiday, so couldn't get there. I've got no closure, My mother is having a little memorial for him the weekend after the cremation, but its just not the same for me. Its not for me to object and I'd never dream of telling my mother how I feel, because its the last thing she needs right now, but I'm truly devastated. I'd say to anyone thinking of doing this, please, please, ask your family how they feel first.

I used them for my mum. No sibling wanted to chip in so I could only afford the cheapest option. You cannot go, which is a shame in the sense of a final goodbye. They send you the ashes. It was all very good and the cheapest option out there. It was during Covid so no one would have come to a funeral anyway.

I wouldn’t use pure cremation, they are a brand, if I was choosing this I would choose a local funeral director who has facilities to store people. Pure cremation are not local companies so how and when do they collect people from they place of death to wherever they are stored nationally?
All local funeral directors will offer direct or unattended cremations, many cheaper than pure cremations.

I want a great big funeral pyre with fireworks and all sorts of bling, and then when the will is read they'll find out they're not getting a penny. 😈

Well, a funeral is also "literally a body disposal service". Nobody is saying you can't have the exact same gathering, flowers, and speeches either before or after the cremation.

I hate funerals. I think they’re so false and theatrical. I’ve been to a few but this view was cemented when my grandad died. At his funeral he was “a loving husband, father and grandfather”. In reality he was an abusive cheat and a paedophile. His children hated him for what didn’t their kids and did not attend.

Direct cremation is much better. Less theatrics and an end to a life that’s over.

To be honest, I personally think a funeral of some sort is important.
Of course, it is really only for the benefit of those friends and family left behind.
The deceased won't be there. (at least, not alive)
But it offers closure. It does not have to be formal.
When by late BIL died, we were asked to wear normal clothes and ideally colourful.
So someone (usually a close family member or friend) gives an eulogy, which is just really to say something about the deceased.

Our local funeral directors were £500 less, for a direct cremation, than the ones on television. Basic coffin, hearse, four pallbearers. Choice of music for the coffin to be brought in to. Could have sent flowers but didn't. I got DH's ashes back two days later, then we had a funeral service a week later with an urn not a coffin. It was all handled beautifully.

You can pay extra to have their ashes sent to you my friend did it because she assumed she would die after her father sadly she didn't but because she chose a pretty place for them to scatter her, her father said keep it as she wanted i think honestly if I had no-one who would want to attend a funeral I would do that

@FizzyColaBottle8
'At his funeral he was “a loving husband, father and grandfather”. '
So who spoke those words, and where did they get it from?
Maybe the closest family member wanted to remember him that way.
Otherwise, one can say something about the life without it being full of insincere praise.
ie he was born at ... grew up... went to school.. jobs, etc

Yeah that's a bit baffling isn't it? Everyone knows what a pure cremation is surely...?

That is exactly what it is. They dont make any claims that its anything else

As funeral’s take so long in England I can see why this is the sensible option.
I main part that I disagree with on cremation is the wasteful use of the coffin. They should use cardboard coffins. They were designed years ago but never took off.
My parents were cremated as DM was terrified of being buried for some reason. ATT you are in automatic mode, the coffins cost nearly €5000 each, We enquired about a burial plot for Dad but it over €5000 euro too, he didn’t get that wish, it’s expensive to die.