AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

[Kickinthenostalgia]

For context dd14 is in year 9, she’s very much all for her friends, always stuck in the middle, never starts arguments, she’s never in trouble, never had detention, most of the teachers love her, although she has a few boy best friends she’s not really into relationships just yet. Got a call today from the school, immediately my backs up because usually the only time they call me is when she’s in the medical room. No it’s a teacher singing DD’s praises, saying how she’s a pleasure to teach, etc etc. he mentioned he’s a new teacher at the school and as a father didn’t get feedback for his daughter who has just left so wanted to do it for his promising students.
so I was just talking to my mum about it, and she said to me is that the same teacher that told dd she had really nice eyes.
of course I’m like what you talking about, she never said anything. I laughed it off at first but the more I think about it, it’s a bit creepy. No? My mum defo wasn’t impressed and I’m surprised dd didn’t tell me considering she tells me everytime a teacher so much as shouts at her class. Obviously I don’t know the full story as she’s at school. I know I’ll need to keep an eye on this. I don’t know who it is, but just a bit surprised. I’m not being unreasonable to think this is slightly creepy right?

Teachers do sometimes ring singing a child's praises. It nice thing to do. I've done it myself on many occasions, much to the delight of the parent. Commenting on her eyes is odd.

My daughter's school sends postcards and also the teachers telephone home if they've done well in class or are deserving of praise for another reason. We have received multiple calls. It's kind of depressing that people's first reaction is that it is somehow sinister. Teachers must be wondering if they can get anything right.

At my daughters old school, a cover supervisor/sub teacher told one of her friends ‘if you were older you could be my girlfriend.’ Said in front of several other kids too, so totally true. She was 13! He disappeared very soon after.

Honestly. Yes we do. In fact we are told to

Safeguarding teaching which is annual is incredibly explicit that such a comment is inappropriate. Any teacher still doing this is a bloody idiot at best or testing the boundaries at worst. Whatever, they need to be reported so that they can be trained not to do it. If you want to see how much grooming still goes on look at the teaching registration agency website for its update reports of sacked teachers. St

We were expected to make at least one positive phone call home per week.

Teachers would normally bulk email if a class is doing well at this stage of the year. Only ring about bad behaviour. Ask your DD and then approach school.

Im a teacher and I call home to give praise, in fact every school ive ever worked at its been encouraged to phone home for positives as well as the negatives. Its just some teachers can't be bothered or they don't have time so you just got a caring one calling you! If it was the same teacher who commented on the eyes you need to ask your daughter what the context was, I remember a teacher telling me I have lovely eyes once! It wasn't weird!!

I agree, poor guy wont bother next time!!

I do! I think it is a lovely thing to do. If a student has been particularly brilliant for a few lessons or just a wonderful part of the school
xommunity I will phone home to tell them. Often a phone call home from school is negative so I wanted to buck the trend a little. It’s also a way of letting them know how their child is getting on because reports are termly and very brief.

Unless a person has the rarest most unbelievable eyes ever, I've always thought that people who comment on eyes are 100% cracking on. It's just a weird thing to say to someone in general, and they think they're being subtle but it's just not. And I say that as someone with fairly comment-worthy hazel eyes. A teacher saying it to a pupil is a massive red flag.

Calls home fine. Commenting on a pupils physical appearance is absolutely not.

Sounds very much like this is dependent on the school.
If you've read the thread, many people (both teachers and parents) have said they do.

Hmmm teachers should be clever enough to know their rules and protocol! I’m not a teacher, but even I know that a male teacher telling a teen girl she has lovely eyes would not be appropriate!

And if you’re female and telling a male pupil you like their hair? FFS.

Yes completely different! School postcards are usually printed by the school and teachers encouraged to hand them to the student or leave them to be mailed home by the main office.

I know it was 30 years ago but my year 7 teacher used to say I looked like Audrey Hepburn and commented on my eyes. He was male. It really depends on context and how it made your daughter feel. Unless she felt actually uncomfortable by what he said I'd let it go unless it keeps happening

No, it's not about context. Teachers should not speak to students like that and they know it.

Just to jump in re: the positive phone call aspect. It might not be the done thing everywhere but it is something I have always tried to do since the beginning of my career and it makes me sad that it's being seen as odd and something untoward. We were actively encouraged to do it at one school and it was always well received as when school does ring it's not usually for happy reasons (several parents have commented this to me over the years). I always used to do it on a Friday afternoon before leaving as it ended my week positively and I hoped it would be a nice thing for parents and students at the end of a busy week too.

I won't comment on the appearance comment - probably an unwise thing to say as it could make students feel uncomfortable but I don't know the context (as well as wholeheartedly admitting I have not read the whole thread...)

Happy Thursday evening

30 years ago a senior teacher at my school gave a leaving card to one girl saying "To the best legs in year 11" 😬

As an ex teacher- the eyes comment is definitely odd. As a general rule, you don’t comment on their appearance (outside of “oh love the new glasses- they really suit you Jessica!” Or “nice haircut Toby” at the very most, but phoning home for praise isn’t weird- i used to try and do one positive phone call home every week for someone because there are so many lovely kids who work so hard, are kind and respectful that are always overlooked because they’re just always good, that it was lovely to be able to phone with a nice quick “well done”. It may be something they did at their old school and they’ve just phone instead of sending a postcard.

Your children probably went to shit schools then. Good schools do ring and give praise where it’s due. As evidenced by the 30 or so posters that preceded your comment. Yawn

I don't think there is anything to report with either issue.

Teachers are often told they should make positive phone calls home and that there is often too much focus on negative behaviour. It's a shame that so many people see this as suspicious if it's a male teacher calling about a female student.

The eye comment was likely to be random making conversation. Again staff are often told to build a rapport with students and this helps engage in the classrooms. The eye comment might not have been the best, but I am also sure if that teacher had asked do you go swimming at the weekends at the leisure centre for example that would also be seen as inappropriate.

I've had teachers call to tell me how lovely and hard working my son is. We've also had serval postcards sent home.

As for the OP- so many overreactions if you ask me. If she has a striking eye colour, it's not that usual that someone may comment on them.

Our school does encourage teachers to call home with praise. Some of them pick 1-3 kids every lesson to ring home about! However if it is the same teacher then yes, I would be wary.