AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

[Kickinthenostalgia]

For context dd14 is in year 9, she’s very much all for her friends, always stuck in the middle, never starts arguments, she’s never in trouble, never had detention, most of the teachers love her, although she has a few boy best friends she’s not really into relationships just yet. Got a call today from the school, immediately my backs up because usually the only time they call me is when she’s in the medical room. No it’s a teacher singing DD’s praises, saying how she’s a pleasure to teach, etc etc. he mentioned he’s a new teacher at the school and as a father didn’t get feedback for his daughter who has just left so wanted to do it for his promising students.
so I was just talking to my mum about it, and she said to me is that the same teacher that told dd she had really nice eyes.
of course I’m like what you talking about, she never said anything. I laughed it off at first but the more I think about it, it’s a bit creepy. No? My mum defo wasn’t impressed and I’m surprised dd didn’t tell me considering she tells me everytime a teacher so much as shouts at her class. Obviously I don’t know the full story as she’s at school. I know I’ll need to keep an eye on this. I don’t know who it is, but just a bit surprised. I’m not being unreasonable to think this is slightly creepy right?

You need to speak to your daughter and get the full story.
You have no context so no idea if it was appropriate or not.

I understand you feeling uneasy, i would too. You really need the full context and to speak with your daughter. A male teacher once told me I had lovely hair. He was saying that because he heard me saying I might get it cut to one of my friends. He wasn't being creepy, he just told me not to get it cut because it looked lovely and long like his wife's. Equally, DD teacher may be a creep amd has overstepped the mark. Find out more and see what your gut tells you.

He shouldn't have done that at all.

TWO SEPARATE THINGS HERE

1. the phone call home with positive news. This is something that High Schools are trying to be better at. Positive feedback about the pupils to their parents/carers. This is so important for relationships between school and home. It helps to stop the dread of a call or an email from school, it helps to build pride and recognition for effort, attitude, resilience etc. I've had postcards home about my boys, it's lovely. I remember when I was in 6th form at my school and a teacher asked to speak with me - I shat myself thinking I was going to be in trouble (for what I don't know) and he just said "I'm really impressed with your attitude, you've asked some mature and insightful questions, your engagement has really helped the whole class and I'm glad you chose this subject, well done". And it was the first time I'd ever ever ever had positive verbal face to face feedback despite being an A grade pupil, it really stuck with me, made me feel good to have my hard work noticed and I ended up doing that subject all the way through Uni and into my career. Positive feedback from teachers makes a difference.
2. the comment about her eyes is a third hand story by now and you've not even talked with your daughter about it yet and you have no idea about what exactly was said, what the context was, anything. do not jump to conclusions or make assumptions before you have all of the information.

It's also completely taken the focus off the positive feedback from school. When your daughter's home, any praise or pride will get sucked away by focusing on this eye comment.

I'm not saying to ignore it, just find out what actually happened and what was actually said and what came before and after it and all of that. But make sure the positive feedback isn't lost in that.

e.g. History lesson, they're looking at source materials which include photos of people, let's say Jackie O and your daughter says "she's beautiful, I wish I had big eyes like that, I hate my tiny piggy eyes", teacher overhears and says "you've got lovely eyes Lucy, now let's turn over to page 45".

e.g. Drama lesson, practical group work, 5 pupils all facing forward in a freeze at the end of an improv scene, Teacher says "Catrin your eyes are a bit intense for this moment, Tom you're looking a bit nonchalant over there, Lucy you've got lovely eyes for this moment, Molly good effort and Osian lovely eyes too.

I'm just making things up but that's all anyone can do with the information you've shared so far.

Teachers really can’t please anyone can they! New and beginning teachers are regularly told one of the best ways to connect with families is to call parents when their child is doing well.

Usually teachers are so busy with those who need help, paperwork and planning that this is something that they just don’t find time to do.

This teacher has done that and now you and your mum are suspicious of their motives. I feel for this teacher.

I will say this school did have a supply teacher at the time DS was there, DS sat at same table as 2 girls and his best friend, this teacher accused the whole table of being on their phones, and then looked under the table, so of course then the girls got uncomfortable because they were wearing skirts. They made a massive deal and went to the head of year, DS got pulled into it as he was also on their table, teacher said he was looking because he was convinced they were hiding thier phones under the table, DS and his best friend said the guy lingered a bit too long under the table for thier liking, DS confirmed they weren’t on thier phones, they were messing around writing stupid stuff on a calculator. It was a he said she said, until a teaching assistant spoke up and thankfully backed up the students story and supply teacher wasn’t allowed back. DS is autistic and quite blunt, he will tell you how it is. I had no reason not to believe him, and thankfully a teaching assistant stepped up and made sure everyone knew the truth.

Yes that is creepy and I am aware of my own sensitivities/experiences in this area. He should not be commented on physical attractiveness.

@MajorProcrastination- the teacher should never have said that to Lucy and they know that. Hours of child protection and safeguarding make you very aware.

Her eyes were sparkling when she'd solved the maths problem?
Her eyes lit up when she got 100% in the test?
We were drawing animals today and she really got the snake's eyes done nicely?
We were learning about the eye in Physics, and she drew and labelled nicely?
She usually looks shy, but today it was interesting to see she made eye contact with her project group?

If someone couldn't understand English well, it would be understandable for them to say something that sounds weird, meaning something completely innocent, that not long ago no one would have nasty thoughts about. Obviously if a teacher can't express themselves using appropriate words, that is another problem.

Actually, that's a good point!

Can I just say I would never act on anything with out context, I’m also not like a bull in a china shop because I know misunderstandings can happen. My mum honestly thought I knew, that’s why she asked is it the same teacher.. obviously I have no idea if it was the same teacher, because I’ve just found out about it, I feel like it is a creepy comment and just wanted you guys to tell me I’m not irrational in thinking that, doesn’t mean I’m gonna go full on nuclear.

I only mentioned about the teacher calling as context to my mum telling me about the eye comment because it was the only reason she mentioned it, I’m not at all appalled at the school for letting me know dd is doing fantastic, it was just surprising as in the whole 11 years we’ve been associated with them they’ve never called up to praise. They’ve called up to ask if dd was okay when she didn’t go to school for one day, but never to tell us how they are doing.

All sounds odd. Him ringing up is bizarre. I'd be talking to the head.

Him ringing up is fine, making a personal comment about a student's appearance is not.

Yet several teachers have said they do this at their school. They do it at my grandchildren's school.

@Ablondiebutagoody says he is grooming her.

It wasn't in a creepy way. He was an older teacher, near retirement age, amd he actually was very nice to me. My parents didn't bother much with me and he personally arranged for me to get into college because my parents didn't bother with my education at 16. He said I was too bright not to go. This was 20 years ago, maybe things were different and maybe it sounds worse than it is, but he didn't say it in a creepy way.

You need to find out more on the eyes thing. Just coming out with you have really nice eyes is weird.
if it was something like your daughter had sunglasses on and he asked her to remove them saying you have nice eyes so let us see them and remove the sunglasses then not so weird or if he was responding to a question or your daughter saying she hates her eyes

It still shouldn't happen, there are no circumstances in which it's ok.

He would be in trouble nowadays!

Every school I have worked inhas encouraged teachers to ring home with positive feedback and not just when kids misbehave. There is alt f time taken up with behaviour management that the kids who are well behaved can get overlooked.
The eyes comment is a bit odd and you need more context. It could be that somebody said to her something about her eyes or she did and he said your eyes very nice. or he said you've got very nice eyes can I see them facing the front please. A tiny snippet of conversation can't always be judged accurately.

I had a year 9 girl who told her parents that I'd suggested she was fat by saying that she shouldn't be in a huge bar of chocolate. What I'd actually said was that she shouldn't be eating a huge bar of chocolate in the lesson.

An occasional ‘good’ phone call is fine but that would usually be from a pastoral type teacher like a head of year....or tutor.
I would expect this to be the case but obviously schools differ.
He's a new enthusiastic teacher? Hasn't been worn down by the baying mob yet! The thing I find a bit inappropriate is the eye compliment and couching the praise in terms of "as a father..." stuff. It's just verging on too familiar and not totally professional.

This is ridiculous. There isn't danger in every conversation.

We had many calls home from teachers singing praises - normal behaviour.

You have drawn conclusions about your daughter not liking boys, a call home and a potentially different teacher complimenting eyes together with absolutely no correlation.

YABU

We used to send Praise postcards but the stamps became too expensive so praise phone calls is now directed.

You’re misunderstanding my post @ReproicianThe point is, that as yet the OP doesn’t know which teacher said the eyes comment, if indeed it was said as it’s the grandmother’s reportage at present. Therefore too early to go in all guns blazing for that particular teacher.

Think it's an over reaction. Be grateful that a teacher is bothering to call you, the job is 80% admin and targets, surprised they have the time. Generally it is considered normal to contact parents for good as well as "challenging" behaviour.
If the eye comment was real, it could possibly be new teacher nerves, who knows.
I work in a school, my daughter was asked why she was so eccentric by a male teacher, I took it as a compliment and so did she! 😂