AIBU not to wake my 20-year-old for early shifts?

[itsmeitsyou]

DS 20 has a new job. It's full time in a factory and I am very happy for him as previous work has been mainly casual bar work.

He has struggled to get up for his shifts. He needs to be up by 5am to leave at 5.30am for public transport on a weekday for a 7am start. Weekend he starts at 6! Thankfully we have good transport links and he can get there.

Problem is one of us in the house is having to wake him. I don't want to get up at 4.30am on a weekend to get him up.

My sister (has no children) has called me selfish. As when she was asking about the new job I confessed I didn't know how he would manage the 6am starts on a Saturday. She said I need to get up and get him up, it's my duty as his parent!

YABU - help him get up on weekend
YANBU - he is 20 and needs to continue to learn natural consequences

At 20 he needs to manage this himself! Or you are just setting him up to lack independance

He's 20, not 12, tell him to set a bloody alarm. The infantilising of young adults needs to stop.

Oh come on, he’s 20, he’s an adult and needs to get himself together. If he can’t wake up easily he needs to set an alarm and put it at the other side of the room or something so he has to get up to turn it off. It’s all part of learning responsibility. My dd is 23 and works on a market and gets up at 4.30 to start at 6. It isn’t easy but she does it.

you dont need to get up at 4.30
you could get up at 5

This is what I have said. I get he is struggling with his body clock as he was doing more evening/late shifts at the pub so hasn't had early starts for a long time.

My 18 year old starts at 5. She has to get up at 3. It wouldn't occur to me to wake her up. In fact, she has been given strict instructions not to make any noise!

Nope, as an adult this is on him. He knew the working hours when he took the job I assume?

Yanbu. What I would do is try and make sure his wake up system (?) is bombproof and he's done the following.
Lumie wake up alarm (about £110 but a decade in, the best 110 I've ever spent).
Smart watch vibrating alarm.
Smart radio with alarm.
He knows what he's having for breakfast.
He's laid his work clothes out
Back packed and work lunch/snacks sorted.

He just needs to set an alarm on his phone. He’s not a child.

At 20 he does need need to learn to manage himself and have the tools/alarms etc for that …

BUT as someone who is not a morning person (but who is married to a morning person) it made a huge difference when I changed working hours to have my husband get up and make me a tea/nudge me out of the door for the first two weeks whilst I got into that routine.

He needs to get a very good alarm and set it. I understand that we don’t want our kids to fail in work/life but there is no way I’d be getting up at 4.30am!

Also would it be quicker if he drove - maybe driving lessons are in order (it’s not always, but if it means shaving 30 mins off the clock). We have great transport links but driving can halve the time (or less) sometimes.

We have a 21 year old on earlies too who is a really heavy sleeper and we bought him one of those alarms that vibrates the pillow. Our 17 DD has ADHD and is impossible to wake up so we do have to intervene there but going to try the vibrating alarm with her too. YANBU.

Well he will lose his job then
I have a 19 year old looking for work its brutal out there at the moment .

He’s an adult. I wouldn’t have dreamed of mummy waking me at this age. Has he actually asked you anyway?

He has an alarm he doesn't wake to it all the time.
This is why my attitude is, he needs to learn the consequences. My sister is of the opinion I am being cruel and should support him like he is 12 - she is forgetting at 12 he was capable of getting up and going to school without me getting him.up!

I think you should help him until he gets into the new routine . My son went from a night job to early mornings but soon settled into the new hours . I would rather get up early than see him out of work .

My 17 year old has to get up at 5am Monday to Friday for his apprenticeship and I just leave him to it. My 16 year old on the other hand is an absolute nightmare to get up at 7am from school! ( My 17 year old was the same though) Once they're in work they're old enough to be responsible for themselves.

This is why I am thinking should I wake him after what Sis has said.

He had so many interviews with nothing and now he has landed something that he could take him far if he puts the effort in.

Then I think hes 20 if he wants it he should be showing he wants it

If he doesn’t value his job enough to wake up that’s on him.

It’s not ideal but a little help to ensure your son keeps his job shouldn’t be too much for you. He’s 20 yes, a young adult, but still needs support.

You can go back to bed straight after.

Will order one thank you for the idea 💡

He's TWENTY and he can't figure out he needs to wake himself up without mummy. He's not that bloody young.

At 4.30 am it’s hard to value anything, tiredness takes over and it’s easy to fall back to sleep. If mum and dad are in the same house, they should all support each other when needed.

Ideally yes but personally i would just be greatful hes got s job .

No because where does it end? If you do it now, then he’s reliant on you for it. Inconvenient for you, but what happens when you're on holiday? What happens if you're unwell?

He needs to get a loud alarm clock and place it the other side of the room to force him out of bed to turn it off. He also needs to adjust what time he goes to bed to make sure he's getting enough sleep and if for some reason he is immune to alarm clocks, he’ll just have to get another job that doesn't start that early.

I'm fully with you on this one!