AIBU not to wake my 20-year-old for early shifts?

[itsmeitsyou]

DS 20 has a new job. It's full time in a factory and I am very happy for him as previous work has been mainly casual bar work.

He has struggled to get up for his shifts. He needs to be up by 5am to leave at 5.30am for public transport on a weekday for a 7am start. Weekend he starts at 6! Thankfully we have good transport links and he can get there.

Problem is one of us in the house is having to wake him. I don't want to get up at 4.30am on a weekend to get him up.

My sister (has no children) has called me selfish. As when she was asking about the new job I confessed I didn't know how he would manage the 6am starts on a Saturday. She said I need to get up and get him up, it's my duty as his parent!

YABU - help him get up on weekend
YANBU - he is 20 and needs to continue to learn natural consequences

My god, the babying and mollycoddling that goes on here on MN. He’s 20!!!!! If he can’t get up, that’s on him!! Welcome him to the real world and let him oversleep. I really don’t understand why you are doing this?!

How long do you think OP should be waking her son up for? Until he’s 21? 25? 30?

He’s a grown man, it’s not his mummy’s job to make sure he gets his arse out of bed on time 😂

No he's an adult and being able to manage getting up in the morning is a really low bar.

My son is a deep sleeper. When he started his job I woke him for the first fortnight to get his body used to getting up early. By the end of the fortnight he was up before I was. It did help him get into a routine but since then he is on his own.

dd gets up at 6am to be out the door for 7am, I’ve never had to wake her in fact I never hear her in the morning she is so quiet.

He's an adult he is responsible for getting himself up. He can set an alarm like the rest of us do. At 20 I lived on my own. Absolutely ridiculous that he's expecting you to get him up.

Oh God, I can see this coming down the line at me. My 18yo DS has ADHD and getting him out of the house to college, even for an 8.30 start, is not much fun. I don’t see it changing anytime soon. I’ll encourage him to find a job with a midday start to suit his ND brain! In the absence of extenuating circumstances such as these, I would say don’t call him. He needs to be responsible for himself. You can make suggestions to help him get into a good routine, but don’t be hauling yourself out of bed at stupid o’clock in the morning!

He finished college in July. He's one of the eldest in the year 20 this month
Hes had casual bar work since the week after his 18th.
He has had several interviews. I just feel he didn't think the travel and time logistics though when he accepted (at 20 I dont hold this againsthim I see it was a learning curve) it was the first place that have offered him anything

I looked after a building full of NEETs he has far more get up than I saw from the young people that lived there.

You're not forced to get up. There is such a thing as an alarm clock that the rest of us use

Sorry what?? Making sure a 20 yo takes a shower and making him his breakfast at 4.300am on a weekend morning? Man alive….

At 20 I was living away from home doing those shifts whilst still a student. Your sister is BU, many young adults learn very quickly for themselves how to get up.

To add as an incentive my now DH would sometimes drive and meet me when I finished work with a bacon sandwich and then I'd nap at his under a nice thick duvet.

This but threaten to do it every morning until he sorts out his own body clock.

It’s a dilemma for sure, jobs are hard to come by. Maybe he might be more enthusiastic if you tell him if he sticks at this for 6 months he’ll be in a better position to apply for jobs with later start times because he will have experience.

I get this and we are supporting Monday to Friday.
Its the Sat/Sun shifts that are the issue.
My babies are all capable of getting up and doing there own thing on a Sat morning. My DD has a Saturday job she takes herself off to. I dont need to be up unless it is to wake him up!

Great! So he needs just a little support. Perfect!

Dear God. What has happened when we are babying adults? 20 is plenty old enough to be getting out of bed on time. 16 is old enough FFS! Parents aren't doing their kids any favours with this sort of nonsense.

It depends a bit on how early I'd usually get up. If I normally got up at 7am there's not a chance I'd wake up that early to wake up someone else. Sod that.

If I normally got up at 5am then I might consider getting up a bit earlier to make sure one of my adult DCs was up, although only if they specifically asked and under the strict condition that I'd do it for no more than a week. Once someone gets used to you waking them up then they subconsciously know they can sleep through their alarm because you'll be there to save the day.

When I was 20 I was living on my own and entirely responsible for getting myself up and out to work. I was doing shift work for a while and had some very early starts at times. Even if I was still living at home I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my mum to get me up at 4:30am.

@Comtesse

he needs to be fresh and clean for work. And a full stomach to set him up for the day. Clean and ironed clothes from OP would not go a miss either

Your sister is a dick. He is an adult and needs to get up himself. Losing a job would be harsh but it’s not on you.

You can deal with that possibility by making it clear that if he is NEET, he will be moving out.

Is this a joke? He can do all of that himself.

Or he can buy himself a proper alarm clock!

I'm presuming this is a joke 😂

I really can’t tell if you’re joking or not?

Although, I’d probably help with the work clothes but definitely not with a cooked breakfast as I hate cooking on the best of days.

Yes OP; please accompany your 20yo to shower to ensure he scrubs his bits properly and then spoonfeed him some baby puree before you dress him, put his shoes on and hold his hand while you cross the street on the way to his daycare..I mean work.
Seriously 🙄

When my son started a new job I did make sure he was out of bed for the first few months. I figured once he'd been there a while and proved he was s good worker he could be late once or twice without being fired. If he was late in his first few weeks they'd probably just fire him straight away.
Sure enough after the first while I left him to sort himself out. He was late and got a massive bollocking but kept his job.

The job market is so hard for young folk right now. I'd try to help them keep a decent job for the first few weeks at least.

Ds is reliable now, on time every day despite an early start.

This is nuts op. I had to leave the house at 5.30am as well for my gap year job when I was 18.

At 20, many people have moved out to uni etc and need to grow up and manage their own lives.

Maybe some consequences if he gets sacked for not being arsed to get up.