AIBU not to wake my 20-year-old for early shifts?

[itsmeitsyou]

DS 20 has a new job. It's full time in a factory and I am very happy for him as previous work has been mainly casual bar work.

He has struggled to get up for his shifts. He needs to be up by 5am to leave at 5.30am for public transport on a weekday for a 7am start. Weekend he starts at 6! Thankfully we have good transport links and he can get there.

Problem is one of us in the house is having to wake him. I don't want to get up at 4.30am on a weekend to get him up.

My sister (has no children) has called me selfish. As when she was asking about the new job I confessed I didn't know how he would manage the 6am starts on a Saturday. She said I need to get up and get him up, it's my duty as his parent!

YABU - help him get up on weekend
YANBU - he is 20 and needs to continue to learn natural consequences

I can't once I'm up I'm up. I have always been like this. Wee after 4.30am that my day starting.

YOU would do this? Not the 20-year-old?

Does he have one of those alarms that keeps blaring until he solves a puzzle? Those things saved me when I was on earlies. Free versions exist too!

Okay. Risk having a NEET, up to you. I personally would make sure he’s up!

Sounds like torture 😂

This is insane. At 20 I had a 2-year-old, a job, and a house. And this 20-year-old can’t figure out how to get out of bed on time?

Get him a better alarm - it’s absurd that you have to get up because he’s just accepted that his alarm clock doesn’t always wake him. He needs a better solution. Although FWIW I would actually wake up and check the alarm had woken him for the first few days. I just wouldn’t accept that as an ongoing solution when he seems to have done nothing to try and solve the problem himself.

@itsmeitsyouyour duty as a parent is to bring up an adult who can look after themselves.

OP, put a limit on it - tell your DS you’ll wake him up for a month, but after that, he needs to get himself up. My ex-husband used to use the “I can’t get out of bed unless you wake me up” as a control thing, and used to expect me to phone him from my mother’s house when I wasn’t at home. It caused rows with my father, and often, he’d just let the phone ring out (this was before mobiles). The point is, he NEEDS to learn to get up by himself - that’s what grown-ups do. I know you want to help him, and I understand why, but you’re not doing him any favours if he thinks that it’s always someone else’s responsibility to ensure that he gets up in time.

I would wake him at least while he is starting out.

The sorting office does a 5 til 10am Saturday shift but one of my DC doesn't want to do this as it's "too early ". Kids aren't hard worked these days!

OP I would make sure he gets up himself. He needs to learn at that age.

Omg 😂

Move him in with his aunt so she can wake him up. Or tell her to come over every morning at 4:30 am to wake her nephew. Why are you taking advice from your sister when she’s suggesting you baby your adult son.

He’s 20, buy him a proper alarm clock!

Is his first shift on a Monday ? I might agree to help him for 2 or 3 days on condition he doesn’t complain or blame me for any failures after that time. I also wouldn’t be happy if he was burning the candle at both ends and expecting me to get him up after he’s had 2 hours sleep or something ridiculous.

I have occasionally woken mine for work...like if I happen to notice the time and they're not up yet and I know they have work.. I've done it out of kindness knowing they have accidentally put alarm off instead of snoozed etc.
But would I regularly be doing that, no.
Especially at that hour of the day!!

I hate to say it, but I don't think he'll stick at this job long, he's clearly not a morning person and would be better finding something with a later start!

You are not being unreasonable, but I would probably try and help him get up early.I have a daughter who finds it hard to get up, I try to get her off her phone evenings, get her to read instead, sometimes wake her as well.

He needs to figure this out for himself, if he needs a different alarm clock he can look on Amazon etc. Your sister is being ridiculous. If he's bothered he'll figure it out. B

Stellar advice 🎉

Getting up at 4.30am is pretty much like having a 2 year old in the house, and no one enjoys those early morning wake-up calls. With the child though, you’re forced to get up. This 20 year old needs a little forcing too - by his mother!

My son is a similar age does early morning too, he manages to get up and out himself. Your sister is being daft , what would he do if he didn't live at home. I did call my son one evening to show him something he had dozed off it was 7.30pm he woke up and thought he'd overslept lol . Blind panic ensued. Your ds will get used to it and I think him relying on you to get him up will only hamper him and make you exhausted.

Get one of those vibrating wrist bands that I ambeing spammed about constantly.
My eldest dd was like this, it was a constant cause of stress for me.

You know your DC.
DD wakes up at sunrise every day, always has.
DS doesn’t fall asleep easy, once he falls asleep he sleeps like a log.
I open curtains, windows, call him 20 times, rock him, roll him. Most mornings as a last resort I blare peppa pig on my phone as he hates peppa pig, it wakes him up like a cranky bull.
If he is a heavy sleeper I’d call him. I can fall back asleep easily, if I could not then he could get himself up.

I think the aunt is just concerned her nephew will lose his job unless he gets a little support.

If his current alarm does not wake him then he needs to find another one that does. Preferably set several.There are many options mentioned on this thread.
Yes would be spiteful to let him sleep in if you were awake anyway, but getting up at 4.30 specifically to wake up another adult is ridiculous.