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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To share this gem about the menopause with you all!

161 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/09/2026 19:44

Taken from a book I found today in a charity shop. So much to say that its hard to know where to start!

The Radio Doctor's Dictionary of Health by Charles Hill, published in 1952.

There may or many not be seven stages of man. There are certainly three phases in the life of a woman. The first is the phase of childhood which passes with the physical and mental changes occurring at puberty into the second or middle phase of womanhood.
The third phase begins, usually between the ages of forty and forty-five, with the so-called menopause or change of life. Puberty, which may begin at the age of twelve or thirteen, come on with amazing quickness. The menopause on the other hand, develops slowly and deliberately. It marks the end of menstruation which first becomes irregular and later disappears. The change of life completed, there can no longer be childbearing.
The menopause is marked by both mental and physical changes. The warmth of physical feelings gives way to the calmness of serene affection, and quite often to a wider interest in the affairs of the world. The change may take one or two years, varying in length in different people. The reproductive organs, no longer functioning, become smaller. There may be symptoms which for a while unpleasant. For example, there may be sweating and giddiness, heats or flushes. These sensations may come on without warning. For most women, this is all that happens. Occasionally, however, there may be trying headaches and uneasy sensations, particularly in the breasts. At this time some women begin to put on weight. Much more rarely there are nervous troubles, particularly amongst those whose days are too leisured.
What can be done? For the most part, nothing need be done. It is best, though this is not always easy, to ignore what is happening and to carry on a normal life. The sympathy of others is no good. Giving in is a mistake. The less notice is taken of the change of life, the more quickly it seems to pass.
It helps to cut down diet, although nowadays our rations do that for us. Alcohol affords no relief. Indeed, it may make matters worse rather than better. The change of life, it must be remembered, is a normal, natural thing. It is not an illness or the beginning of an illness. It's a milestone, not a millstone.
The change may bring with it a release of energy, a need for activity in many new directions. Occasionally it makes a woman appear a little too managing, because she is filled with a desire to reform the lives of other. But most women suffer little or nothing. Eighty-five out of every hundred women pass through the menopause without being troubled by it. This is the occasion for an important warning. If the periods, having stopped, should appear to start again, a doctor should always be consulted,. There may be something wrong.

The third phase of life is sometimes the richest phase, the one in which to find tranquillity, and a full peaceful happiness.

OP posts:
Theeyeballsinthesky · Yesterday 09:22

Newsenmum · Yesterday 09:15

What do they mean sexual organs shrink? What part? I cant picture it!

This https://www.wsh.nhs.uk/CMS-Documents/Patient-leaflets/Gynaecology/6647-1-Atrophic-vaginitis-genitourinary-syndrome-of-the-menopause-GSM.pdf

in some women labial lips and clitoris will almost disappear if left untreated. Fortunately these days we have vaginal estrogen which will sort it

https://www.wsh.nhs.uk/CMS-Documents/Patient-leaflets/Gynaecology/6647-1-Atrophic-vaginitis-genitourinary-syndrome-of-the-menopause-GSM.pdf

LuxuryWoman2020 · Yesterday 09:24

Newsenmum · Yesterday 09:15

What do they mean sexual organs shrink? What part? I cant picture it!

Vaginal atrophy. Yes your bits can shrivel up. It is treatable and reservable with estrogen cream.

GarlicSomething · Yesterday 09:25

Newsenmum · Yesterday 09:15

What do they mean sexual organs shrink? What part? I cant picture it!

All of them. Ovaries shrivel, uterus loses elasticity and may shrink, lining of the vagina gets very thin and it loses elasticity, clitoris shrinks. The labia may seem to get bigger but that's because the surrounding area has shrunk. The urethra can also lose elasticity and shape, not helped by the reducing internal parts failing to support the bladder.

I shamelessly explained to my brothers, sisters and their partners about vaginal atrophy and the necessity for vaginal HRT. In a pub garden. Several of the nearby people were evidently listening carefully but trying not to look as if they were!

Additup · Yesterday 09:27

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · Yesterday 08:27

And even those who think they're sailing through it with no problems need to know about the changes they can't feel. However stable your mood, however relieved you are to leave sanpro behind, you still share the underlying changes that increase your cardiovascular risk and damage your musculoskeletal system.

This is very true. I completely sailed through and only discovered I had early signs of vaginal atrophy during a hysteroscopy for post menopause bleeding. I started vaginal/vulval oestrogen and even though I had had no obvious symptoms I felt a positive difference in sensation very quickly. I hate to think what could have happened if I'd not had that hysteroscopy.

Also, post menopause I had increasing issues with joint pain/muscle spasms I thought were just signs of getting older. HRT cured both in a week.

CurdinHenry · Yesterday 09:32

BunkBedsArePeopleShelves · 22/09/2026 23:06

Some will. Why are you being a dick about that?

Why are you trying to make me look like I'm going to be useless as an employee in an already sexist world? Being female isn't a disability.

OsfameronTanamoril · Yesterday 09:44

I have got a little absent-minded- not too much- but have also had a real creative renaissance, now that I have no childcare and periods to worry about. I have achieved some huge career milestones after 45. Women like me also exist.

But the overwhelming narrative is that ALL women in menopause are bungling idiots.

Jacobolordy · Yesterday 09:50

Wonder if it's true what a pp said about symptoms of menopause being easier with more pregnancies/ breastfeeding?

Might be that women are struggling more now as have generally had fewer pregnancies? As well as juggling kids/ careers/ parents etc.

coronafiona · Yesterday 09:57

“Calmness of serene affection”????

AInightingale · Yesterday 10:07

Jacobolordy · Yesterday 09:50

Wonder if it's true what a pp said about symptoms of menopause being easier with more pregnancies/ breastfeeding?

Might be that women are struggling more now as have generally had fewer pregnancies? As well as juggling kids/ careers/ parents etc.

I've definitely noticed that when I eat more healthily (i.e. no refined sugar, UPFs) the symptoms are less severe. Also women years ago were less likely to drink much alcohol or drank tea in preference to coffee, a lot of caffeine is another trigger for hot flushes. So maybe diet was a factor years ago?

BettyBeauty · Yesterday 10:10

Agree with lots of this too, thanks for sharing.

unfortunately it’s an unpopular take in this day and age where everything is labelled, medicalised, monetised and commodified.

disclaimer: yes we are all different and some women have a horrendous experience.

whatsnewbuttercup · Yesterday 10:20

I used to like reading DGM’s “Every Woman’s Health Book”, published in the 1930s.
There was a line drawing on the cover of a woman wearing a hat with a feather in it.
Many health problems were put down to constipation ( not unreasonably).
My childless ( by choice) sister used to laugh at the chapter about “ the Barren Woman”.

Zimunya · Yesterday 10:32

VickyEadie · 22/09/2026 19:55

"The warmth of physical feelings gives way to the calmness of serene affection, and quite often to a wider interest in the affairs of the world."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'm 16 years post-menopause. I still have the RAGE.

😡😬👿

Oh, thank goodness! I was feeling like such a failure that the calmness of serene affection had passed me by. I still appear to be in the "I am furious with the world and everyone in it, and I will no longer put up with crap" phase. Although that has turned out to be surprisingly liberating, so I am not missing the serene affection bit!

EscapeTheCastle · Yesterday 10:39

Don't blame some supernatural force for the fullness of your figure.

I feel called out!

BunnyLake · Yesterday 18:18

6namechange3 · 22/09/2026 19:49

There are actually many parts of this I really like!

Oh I’m glad I’m not the only one 😂 I particularly like the nervous troubles caused by too much leisure (paraphrasing). It’s quite quaint and for me personally truth in it. I am though one of the lucky ones who sailed through it (surface level at least, god knows what might be going on behind the scenes).

Usernameinabeyance · Yesterday 18:21

SmokyMountainRain · 22/09/2026 19:51

Mansplaining was around in 1952 then….excellent.

They've been mansplaining for millennia

"It delights, also, in fragrant smells, and advances towards them... and on the whole the womb is like an animal within an animal"

.... ye olde worlde OG mansplainer Hippocrates on menopausal women circa 400 BCE.

I think I speak for us all when I say 🖕

Usernameinabeyance · Yesterday 18:34

Derail but Aristotle thought women were inferior versions of male bodies. Which are obviously perfection.

Alex4646 · Yesterday 18:38

This is a really great way of looking at how our lives change as we grow older. I have never believed in menopause, and knew I would not suffer. So of course I didn't suffer! Perhaps it was a state of mind, but I just fill my life with wonderful things and keep fit and healthy. Bravo to the writer and remember, this is a natural part of our female world, it's a milestone, not a millstone - love that phrase 😘

Lifeomars · Yesterday 18:41

I'm finding this fascinating, thanks for sharing

GlobalTravellerbutespeciallyBognor · Yesterday 18:50

Dabralor · 22/09/2026 19:52

See, this is interesting.
At that time, it may have been that women had children earlier, so by this point would have flown.
Parents may not have survived that long or needed such complex care.
There wouldn’t have been full time careers to navigate or 18,368 apps to navigate and keep on top of.

Maybe life would have been a little slower for some women?
I do wonder if living in the 2020s and navigating menopause now is particularly complex and demanding.

I think there is a lot in this post…our lives are very complex and many of us could be looking after children and parents at the same time. I’ve spent today trying to give technical instructions regarding a mobile to a deaf parent on the landline.

Usernameinabeyance · Yesterday 18:51

Mustreadabook · 22/09/2026 22:02

She may be a grandmother, but without contraception she may have a toddler child number 12 following here about.

So that was my grandmother's culture's solution to menopause. (Not UK, and nearly 100 years ago)

Have babies every year of your reproductive life. Die from exhaustion and pelvic organ prolapse before reaching menopause. Problem solved.

Serene.

Doglover73 · Yesterday 19:08

Screamingabdabz · 22/09/2026 20:48

“The third phase of life is sometimes the richest phase, the one in which to find tranquillity, and a full peaceful happiness.”

I actually really relate to this. 😊

Im waiting, impatiently, for this part of my life. 53 atm 🤣

Londonmummy66 · Yesterday 19:11

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/09/2026 21:57

I have read his entry on Menstruation, which is long so I wont type it out.

He kind of glosses over the painful aspects (quelle surprise) but he did make a point of saying that parents (mothers) should explain to their daughters what will happen as so many young girls dont know and are then very scared. I was happy to read that alongside a full explanation of why he believed young girls need to know, and how best to recognise the signs of when to tell them.

My own Grandmother (b 1919) thought she was dying, she told me so. But then my mother said the same thing! So she knew how mum would feel, but still didnt tell her in advance.

Mum didnt really tell me and my sister because we were Gen X and got the bare bones of it from school, but she did walk up to me one day when I was about 10 and gave me a book saying "read this" and that was it! I sent for the free Tampax sample and booklet you could get (anyone else remember those?) and she confiscated it saying that tampons were only for married women!

Are we sisters? My prep for periods was the Ladybird book of your body and it was made very clear to me that I was not allowed tampons. I did access them at Guide camp, thought they were great and made such a fuss I did eventually get them ( but had to buy them myself out of my pocket money).

catlover123456789 · Yesterday 19:11

“The third phase of life is sometimes the richest phase, the one in which to find tranquillity, and a full peaceful happiness.”
But also, "You can't eat cake".
Seems like a bit of a contradiction!

Askingforafriendtoday · Yesterday 19:21

6namechange3 · 22/09/2026 19:49

There are actually many parts of this I really like!

Me too!

OriginalPeanut · Yesterday 19:22

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/09/2026 22:05

Happened to my Great Grandmother! She had a "change" baby, which turned out to be twin boys about 6 months before my Grandmother gave birth to the first grandchild!

My grandma had 3 'change' babies!

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