AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

[DivorcingDebbie25]

Trying to avoid drip feed. Am sixty. Married 40 years. Kids are 40/38. I’ve never really worked. Husband had corporate career. I have been waiting for him to retire for years but it’s become clear that will never happen. He is rarely at home, constantly doing adventure stuff or pursuing his hobby. I’ve given up waiting and I want a divorce. He’s not fought me on it and clearly we are just done. I’ve moved out into rented and he’s paying my rent and expenses- clearing credit card etc.

We are reasonably civil but he says asking for half is ridiculous. He says that the only real assets are his massive pension fund, my smaller one and our house which we will sell. I think he should give me half the value of the pension fund but he says that’s not possible. He says half the house and then we combine the value of the pensions and I get the equivalent of half the income from it. Surely I can just ask for the value and then do what I want with it? It feels very controlling.

I will of course get a lawyer but wanted to check if I’m being unreasonable in asking for my half? What about future income / inheritance etc? Once I’m divorced do I lose all claim on that even though I’ve supported him to earn this money and to see the return on investments that won’t come through for a few years?

Just trying to work out what have to done for the last 20 years if your kids are 40 and 38?

Where’s he supposed to magic the money up from upfront though?

I guess you’d call me a traditional housewife. I’ve kept the house etc. My health has been variable but that’s not an excuse. I’ve just not worked.

Greedy

I think he should give me half the value of the pension fund but he says that’s not possible. He says half the house and then we combine the value of the pensions and I get the equivalent of half the income from it.

Is.there financial illiteracy at play....

ie. Its a £1m pension and you want £500k cash? because if thats what you want its unreasonable. And the fact you never worked shows...
... he cant just give you 500k cash from a pension fund if he doesnt have 500k liquid assets.... which you'd also be entitled to half of anyway.so actually he'd need £1m in cash to buy you out of the £1m pension....

would you be happy If half the pension was transferred to a pension fund in your name ...?
if that happened you would get half the income so im not clear about what the issue is?

Legally you’re entitled to a % of all martial assets, and yes this includes all pensions, savings, houses, cars etc. Your DH might think it’s ridiculous, but in the uk 50% is the starting point for all divorce finances

It used to be that if there either, wasn’t enough cash in the marital assets, or the parties needed the cash from the marital assets to buy a home then pension credits could be transferred which, for all intents and purposes is a pension - I’m not a solicitor but this was the advice my solicitor gave me when I got divorced 15 years ago

Yes I am a bit clueless. I don’t know how literally the ‘half’ is taken. So I understand I am entitled to half the marital assets but that would be the income from the pension not the actual cash equivalent then? I will need more cash than half the house to buy something of my own so was wondering if I could release it or have a claim on his future income somehow

He says half the house and then we combine the value of the pensions and I get the equivalent of half the income from it

This is correct. This is half.
You don’t get 50% of his pension plus 100% of your pension. All the assets you both own are added together and then split.
No you don’t get future earnings.
You can get a job if you don’t like it.

Half his pension is unfair. Personally I could justify 50% for the period you were looking after kids between ages of 0-18 which depending on the age gap of you kids could be e g 20 years. The rest of his pension belongs to him, you should have been working and paying into your own pension pot. He's already done more than enough to keep you by working during your marriage while you pottered round the house.

50% of the house value is fair.

I would take legal advice but my understanding was that combining and splitting the marital assets would be the usual way of doing this.
I agree with you that it would be better for you to get half of each of his pots (and him to get half of yours if the lawyer deems fit) and I believe this is possible under a pension order. The sums would be invested in a pension or pensions and therefore continue to grow (hopefully!)
Wishing you the best.

he was very happy for me not to work. I think it was a status thing; I earn so much my kids are in private school, we have a Range Rover, my wife doesn’t work type thing. So I don’t imagine starting work in my sixties is something anyone would expect me to do ?

I suspect he has had many other women over the years as well. We haven’t had an intimate relationship in a very long time. He’s careful and clever though and I could never prove it. Would it make a difference though?

I think what you ‘need’ @DivorcingDebbie25 is a job. Sorry to be blunt. But that’s life!

Why have you never worked? Do you think if he hadn’t been a hard working high earning man you would have married him?

See a solicitor. Yes you’re entitled to some of his pension .

The government certainly expects you to look for work unless you can afford to live without benefits.

No, adultery makes no difference to the split of finances in a divorce.

I suspect he has had many other women over the years as well. We haven’t had an intimate relationship in a very long time. He’s careful and clever though and I could never prove it. Would it make a difference though?

No.

We married at twenty. He was at university. He wasn’t high earning then!

Exactly this. Parasite.

Remember you only both need somewhere to house yourselves. 1 bed places etc. If you sold house and split 50/50, could you buy a small place?

Have you thought of getting a job? It would benefit you financially and give you some freedom and independence. You need legal advice. If he's been secretive about his personal life he may well have been/is being secretive about his finances. Do you have joint finances?

It was much more common for women in their late 50s and 60s to stop working to look after the children & run the house than it is now. I don’t think the law necessarily looks at what might be “fair”, it looks after women who are in this situation after fulfilling the expectations of society 30 years ago.

I’m not sure why I’m being called greedy and a parasite. He didn’t want me to work. He was happy to pay for everything. More fool me for assuming it would last forever but here we are.

half his pension does indeed mean half the total capital (yours and his) but it needs to be transferred into a pension pot in your name - depending on your age and the conditions you may or may not be able to realise some of the capital.

Just getting the income and leaving him with the capital is absurd and does not protect you in the same way.

Definitely get legal advice - key point mentioned above is that 50/50 of total assets incd pension is the starting point in UK - there need to be reasons for it to be different

Surely you also have hobbies. There are different types of marriages. Not everyone retires to spend all day every day with their spouse. There seems to be no evidence of infidelity or unpleasantness or unkindness or financial control. What sparked this sudden desire for a divorce now, rather than 10 years ago? And am I right in saying he is suggesting a 50:50 split on the pension income, while leaving the fund intact? That might be the most sensible thing to do to protect its value.