AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

[DivorcingDebbie25]

Trying to avoid drip feed. Am sixty. Married 40 years. Kids are 40/38. I’ve never really worked. Husband had corporate career. I have been waiting for him to retire for years but it’s become clear that will never happen. He is rarely at home, constantly doing adventure stuff or pursuing his hobby. I’ve given up waiting and I want a divorce. He’s not fought me on it and clearly we are just done. I’ve moved out into rented and he’s paying my rent and expenses- clearing credit card etc.

We are reasonably civil but he says asking for half is ridiculous. He says that the only real assets are his massive pension fund, my smaller one and our house which we will sell. I think he should give me half the value of the pension fund but he says that’s not possible. He says half the house and then we combine the value of the pensions and I get the equivalent of half the income from it. Surely I can just ask for the value and then do what I want with it? It feels very controlling.

I will of course get a lawyer but wanted to check if I’m being unreasonable in asking for my half? What about future income / inheritance etc? Once I’m divorced do I lose all claim on that even though I’ve supported him to earn this money and to see the return on investments that won’t come through for a few years?

Well I think it’s fair to say she didn’t sacrifice her career as some people are suggesting. She didn’t have a career and made zero attempt to have one once the kids became adults. Sure, legally she can go for half. That’s her right.
But she decided she wanted out. The husband who has enabled her to never work is now continuing to fund her lifestyle. And for that she hasn’t had a single good word to say about him. Not grateful at all. Trying to work out if she can look for evidence against him so she can get even more money despite the husband offering a fair settlement. Because she needs more cash.
I actually feel sorry for your husband. I suspect he’ll been married with a year of your divorce and you will regret it.

Why on earth would anyone expect a share of a future inheritance received after a divorce, honestly this is where the post comes across as a bit of a wind up

I earn so much my kids are in private school, we have a Range Rover, my wife doesn’t work type thing.

"I earn so much ... my wife ...". Are you the husband? Is this a reverse?

I’m not trying to be greedy I’m trying to be clear on where I stand. I didn’t think I’d keep my pension and get his as well. I wondered if they would be split.

on the retiring thing he said that he would have enough money to stop at fifty, then 55. Then 58. But he still works - he’s self employed and travels all over. I don’t know if he truly is working.

in terms of him currently paying my rent- he has said that post divorce that’s the sort of income I should expect from my half of the pension. What I was asking about was whether I would have anyway of buying a place ahead of selling the house.

as to not working I did stuff locally, volunteered in school, enjoyed leisure time with him until it faded away and he did his own thing. I’m desperately lonely and want a fresh start. I can see people are amazed someone can not work but it was normal in our circle and suited us both until it didn’t

You will get approximately 50% of total assets but it could vary whether it’s more pension, savings and house equity. All assets are listed and then they are split. Pension goes into your own pension not as cash

I don't think so, it was mutually agreed upon. He's also had affairs so no prince.

I think if you get half the income of the combined pensions that sounds fair. A lump sum may not be possible. If it’s a defined benefit pension he won’t get a lump sum from his employer he’ll get an income. If it’s a defined contribution he will get a the whole amount but can only take 25% tax free as a lump sum and the rest would be taxed. Check this but that’s my understanding.

Ignore all these spiteful, jealous comments OP.
You are entitled to 50% of all assets so just see a solicitor and get the ball rolling

How would you find buying a house before selling the house though? Surely you will need the money from the sale to buy a new place? You won’t get cash out of his pension. Likely you will need to do what most divorcing people do and go through the divorce negotiations while the house is on the market. Then when it sells you have already agreed the finances, and if you haven’t the house sale money is held by the solicitors until the details are agreed then you each get your share .

Very surprised you can't see a residence in London for between 250-350,000 that would suit? Have you actually looked rather than assumed because prices have stagnated and even fallen slightly... definitely worth checking

Yeah this, im 40 & my mum is in her 70s and always worked! All my friends mums did. 2 teachers, a very senior nurse, a solicitor who worked in the magistrates court, one mum worked for the council & another for the water company. We just lived in an ordinary 70s new town, nowhere posh.

You should get half of everything. I would make sure that you are aware of all the savings not just pensions.

@DivorcingDebbie25 so if you aren’t trying to be greedy, what on earth made you think you coukd possibly be entitled to his future earnings or inheritance post divorce?
That doesn’t even remotely add up with you being fair

I couldn't take half of someone's pension if I'd done nothing for the last 20 years whilst they've worked. Half of what he accumulated whilst you were caring for children would be fair enough but 50/50 when they've been grown for 20 years feels wrong to me.

How do you expect to finance your lifestyle without him working? Clearly you spend enough for two!

I think it's cheeky to claim half his pension. However you will be entitled to a portion of it.

Yanbu

Marriage means you are a team, there's no his and yours, its all shared. As a team you both decided that he would focus on bringing in the money and you would focus on the home. Your work in the home facilitated his work outside the home.

Now you are splitting up, the "for richer for poorer" bit still holds - you are either both rich or both poor. You both are fully entitled to start your new single lives with a straight 50% of all assets. 50% of the house, 50% of all pensions, 50% of other assets

The starting point is 50/50.

They will be looking to give you both an equitable position going forward.

When you fill in the financial form he will list his pension and you do yours on the other side if any. The same with any other assets. It depends on what kind of pension he has eg some companies may separate it and pay to you separately or others will transfer the agreed percentage. I got the latter and it is invested and gives me a monthly income. He needs to get a CETV from his pension company stating what the current value is . This will be provided free.

You need to find out the value of your State Pension - you can do this online . This will also go on the form. If not a full one certain years can be bought back .

Property will likely be 50% of the equity.

Ignore the goady posts about you not having worked. Some people only know their very narrow view of the world and don't realise there are alternate lifestyles. It doesn't contribute positively to the post.

I would carry on renting until the house has sold so you know your exact figures. Also start checking prices and new areas to see where you would like to live.

what sort of live would you like from now on? When my parents went through an awful divorce and my younger siblings had grown up my mum moved for a new start. Being away helped her enormously. She moved to the seaside.

Are there any places you would like to move to? If so id move and rent there now for a year and see how it goes and if I like it as a permanent place. Then once the house is sold buy something.

where do your kids live if you are in contact with them?

Such is life with a divorce .

You need legal advice, they’ll likely advise a PODE be instructed.

Offset figures i.e. cash don’t work out the same a halving a pension.

For example, depending on the pension type. A husband could have a £500k pension, the SAHM mum might need 75% to create fair sharing. However, if SAHM said she’d rather have it offset against the family home, that figure might only be £200k.

It doesn’t matter how many posters think you’re lazy entitled greedy etc, that wasn’t the question.

Of course you’re entitled to 50% of assets.

This is just not true, sorry. I'm not a million miles off late 50s and have lots of friends late 50s/early 60s. All of us were expected to study and get a career.

I think you're mixing up Generation X with my parents generation, the baby boomers, or even the generation before that (and even my mum and my mil both had careers).

Tough. You should have insisted on working.

Untrue, the majority of DB pensions offer a maximum 25% tax free lump sum. Some may choose not to. OP - if your husband draws from his pension before the pension sharing order is implemented, you will not be eligible to take a lump sum once your share has been transferred to your pension provider, you will have to take it all as income. I’d recommend taking a look at ‘disqualifying pension credits’ under HMRCs Pension Tax Manual. If you think he will be unreasonable, maybe look into the route of notifying his pension provider that a pension share may be made, to stop him drawing immediately i.e. not allowing you a lump sum.