AIBU to want half of the pension after divorce?

[DivorcingDebbie25]

Trying to avoid drip feed. Am sixty. Married 40 years. Kids are 40/38. I’ve never really worked. Husband had corporate career. I have been waiting for him to retire for years but it’s become clear that will never happen. He is rarely at home, constantly doing adventure stuff or pursuing his hobby. I’ve given up waiting and I want a divorce. He’s not fought me on it and clearly we are just done. I’ve moved out into rented and he’s paying my rent and expenses- clearing credit card etc.

We are reasonably civil but he says asking for half is ridiculous. He says that the only real assets are his massive pension fund, my smaller one and our house which we will sell. I think he should give me half the value of the pension fund but he says that’s not possible. He says half the house and then we combine the value of the pensions and I get the equivalent of half the income from it. Surely I can just ask for the value and then do what I want with it? It feels very controlling.

I will of course get a lawyer but wanted to check if I’m being unreasonable in asking for my half? What about future income / inheritance etc? Once I’m divorced do I lose all claim on that even though I’ve supported him to earn this money and to see the return on investments that won’t come through for a few years?

I was told at your age that I would be expected to look for work by my lawyer but it never reared its head . They like clean break divorces no - no alimony.

You're entitled to half the overall pot. If you need more cash you could ask for a higher percentage of the house sale in exchange for a lower percentage of the combined pension.

But you may simply have to expect that you cannot finance london life and relocate somewhere within your new means.

You're 60, you have multiple years before you'll be able to access pension funds. Whatever cash you get you'll also have to live off until you get pension unless you start work. You'll have to cover all bills, council tax etc from that which will also be extortionate in london.

Talk to a solicitor and get proper advice.
If his plan is for him to use his pension fund to buy a single-life annuity in his name when he retires and simply hand you half the income every month then you might be royally stuffed if he dies before you and there's nothing in your name. You should ensure you have the protection of a pension in your own name.

Because you're looking to keep everything that is yours and take half of everything that is his. How can you not see that that's not a reasonable position?

It will be divided in two. Why are some people so bitter?

You need to take professional advice. There are too many nuances that need much more detail to understand.

You are likely entitled to around half the marital assets. Whether or not that involves half his pension depends on what else works for you to access.

The pension also depends on what type he has, the total value compared with the LTA/LSDBA or any protected valuations if applicable.

You need to look at what income you need in retirement, how much you need to buy a property, as well as his expectations to see what a reasonable split is. If he wants to travel more and you want to resettle in your own property in London, he may benefit more from a higher income and you from greater capital assets. So pension/home/investments and savings can be offset to give the best outcome for each of your goals.

If you can do it amicably, look at getting a legal and financial advice team that work together on a proposal for both of you. There is definitely not a one size fits all approach, so any advice here will be based on an individuals experience and circumstances which may well differ significantly from your own.

It might or might not be. She won't necessarily been entitled to half of everything he has.

Some MNers are obsessed with money.

This scenario is exactly why I refused to give up my career to support DH's, and why I kept working once DCs came along. I was very insistent that everything to do with the children and home was shared equally between me and DH. No way was I going to sacrifice my earning potential. With the best will in the world, sometimes relationships don't work out, and you need to be able to take care of yourself. I am always telling my DCs that they need to make sure they are never reliant on someone else to pay their bills.

OP I am sorry you are in this situation - it sounds like you were sold lots of promises about being taken care of. It must be scary to be in your situation. I hope it all works out for both you and your DH.

If she is 60 now, pension funds were accessible from age 55 so can be accessed now. State pension is a few years away, but a private pension would have available from 55 for a 60 year old.

Tell me why she would not get 50% of their combined pension and assets ?

They’re each entitled to half the marital pot. Precisely how it would be divided up will be subject to negotiation but essentially yes she’s entitled to half.

She seems to want more than that, unless I'm misunderstanding her.

She's written that sentence to explain the husband's perspective. Nothing in it suggests its a reverse.

I'm 64, it was just about okish to give up work permanently in my generation and if your husband was a high earner and you had children in your 20s. People in their 50s not so much. As regards retiring, I consider myself part of the generation who retire mid to late sixties and if OPs husband is a high flyer with a career then it's not happening before state or any occupational retirement requirements.

Do courts take into account a choice not to work post childcare years and thus choosing to make yourself less financially independent? Genuine question.

Glad I wasn't the only one rolling my eyes at such a ridiculous comment.

His pension might be “worth” £1 million but I suspect that’s a calculation of how much he’ll receive over time. It’s not what he has in the bank so he can’t give you half today.

I would suspect that the best thing to do
might be to work out how much your own pension will pay out, then work out the difference in his, and ask for a higher proportion of the house or other “liquid”
assets to make it fair. Then make sure you buy a place you can afford long term. In most areas of London you can buy somewhere decent for 400-500k if it’s just for you and maybe a guest. But you may have to consider moving to a slightly different area.

If though you’re wanting to make a new start a small interesting job might be a good thing longer term. My job keeps my brain going, I meet younger people who I find interesting and I can go on holiday with the money I earn ✅

@DivorcingDebbie25 so I am assuming that when you mention your small pension - are you referring to a state pension or has he been putting money into a private pension for you?

I am no expert but I believe you do have a claim on his pension. A forty‑year marriage as a SAHM, supporting his career and raising his kids. This is textbook long‑marriage, needs‑based, equal‑sharing territory.

You do not have to accept “half the income.” I think your husband is describing a pension attachment order (also called earmarking). These are rarely used because it means you only get income when he chooses to retire, he controls the timing, you get nothing if he dies first, you cannot take a lump sum, you cannot plan your own finances and it keeps you tied to him and so Courts avoid these because they are controlling and unstable.

The normal route is a Pension Sharing Order (PSO). As part of the financial settlement for the divorce, a percentage split is decided (can be 50/50) of the actual pension fund as it stands upon your divorce.

But you do not get it as cash, it gets transferred into a pension scheme in your name so you have control of your share of his pension and he no longer has any entitlement to it or any say in what you do with it. A PSO means you control when you retire (as long as its within the terms of the pension). So I am assuming you are early 60's so lets say 62, so for example pick a pension scheme with an expected retirement date of 63 then at 63 you can take 25% tax‑free lump sum (if the receiving pension allows it) upon retirement which you can use for whatever purpose but presumably to top up funds available for a house. Then with the remaining 75% you then get your own income stream, separate from him as a pension, if he dies, your pension is unaffected so basically you are financially independent of him. This is the standard outcome in long marriages.

You can ask for half the value (but if you have a private pension he can ask for half of yours too). In a 40‑year marriage, the starting point is 50/50 of all marital assets, including pensions. Courts don’t say “half the income.” They say “half the value.”

Future inheritance - Once divorced, you have no automatic claim on his future inheritance unless you leave the financial order open (which you shouldn’t).
But you can argue that you sacrificed earning capacity as having been a SAHM for 40yrs diminishes your earning capacity now (if you are young enough to work) as you supported his career especially with child and home care, but that should not affect your long term financial security, This affects the settlement now, not future inheritance. But if he is coming up to retirement if they do afford you like a maintenance payment, it would only be until he retires not after.And if that is the case he may just retire now.

Asking for half the current value of his pension fund upon divorce is the norm, but it goes into a pension for you, it is not cash. Whilst he is asking for a rare, disadvantageous option that keeps you dependent on him and allows him to control you and will significantly reduce your options.

Speak to a solicitor for the financial settlement. Do not agree to anything until you have had advice,

How much is the house worth, you may have to rent, no one says you have to buy

He is correct, it would be half the income resulting from the pension, not half the pension 'fund' as a stock figure.

Ugh so much judgement for being a housewife 🙄

Presumably you'd be entitled to half the value of the house in cash (or half the equity if it's still mortgaged), plus half of the combined value of the pension funds, transfered into a pension fund for you (or effectively 50% of the difference in value added to your pension fund).

That's a starting point, then you need a good solicitor and a fair judge.

You'd then presumably be able to buy a smaller place and live on the pension.

Ignore the posters calling you greedy etc. They obviously don’t realise some husbands don’t want their wives work, even after the children are grown up and have moved out. Some like the status of it, some like the wife being available to do everything at home and run their errands etc. If it suited you both, I don’t see the issue.

I would seek legal advice to clarify what you are entitled to but it would usually be half of everything, well usually start at 50/50 and then negotiate from there. That’s 50 % of the house, pension, investments, savings etc. Works both ways, he will be entitled to half your pension too. If it is small he may chhose to leave it. It is not unheard of for a spouse to have walked away with a bigger share of 50% of the house if their individual financial needs require a larger share to secure adequate housing, which could well apply in your case as you have no income and your earning capacity has been permanently reduced when you gave up a career to raise your children.

With regards to pension, usually half his pot would be taken and put in a pension for yourself, to pay an income to you at retirement age. He may choose to make you a cash offer instead of splitting his pension pot but the cash offer will not be 50% of his pension pot value.

Some of the responses you’ve received are ludicrous, insulting and absolutely fuelled with envy, please ignore those.

Proper legal advice is what you need and a fair division of assets..

Wouldn’t it be easier (and cheaper) at this point in your life to just stay together on paper but live separate lives? You say you’re lonely but you could build a social life/life of your own while still married and it would avoid all the upheaval/legal bills? I can’t really see what you’d gain by bothering to divorce.

Half the total pensions though. 50% of the total is a reasonable place to start. 50% of his plus 100% of her own, which is what she appears to want, is greedy and entitled.