Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

[Oldgalgames]

I recently applied to my DD13's school for 1 days absence to attend her sisters graduation (DD22) in November which has been declined as its not deemed an 'exceptional circumstance'. My DD13 had 98% attendance last year, was off for the flu last November which has been her only absence, is in top sets for all STEM subects. I know we wont get a fine, and we will be attending as a family anyway, its more the principle as I do truely believe this is of course an exceptional circumstance. A sibling's university graduation happens once or twice in a lifetime, it’s an important family milestone and incredibly inspiring for a 13 year-old to witness. I should add this is the first ever request I have submitted to school for an absence!

I am being unreasonable, school are right to decline this request as its not an exceptional circumstance

I am not being unreasonable it is an exceptional circumstance

It’s in one of the OP’s subsequent posts (although she says “academic” not “super academic”).

It won’t be authorised but who cares, take her anyway
no fine unless there is lots of other unauthorised absence
the head probably agrees with you but has his/her hands tied

However when I graduated it was 2 tickets max and thus hardly any siblings were able to attend

OK, I added the "super" to what the OP said but that was my interpretation based on the rest of the information she's provided

Posters don't have to include everything in the OP @Oldgalgames has posted many times

I don’t think the Celts would do well in this system! When responsible parents are honest about taking their child out of school for an important family occasion they should not be treated as though they have done something wrong.
Of course, action should be taken when children are persistently absent because of neglect, but that is entirely different from a parent making a considered decision about their own child. Most parents are good people who value education and want the best for their children. Declaring genuine absences for important family occasions as “unauthorised” feels unnecessarily punitive and, frankly, draconian.

I’m surprised that you could get enough tickets for the sibling to attend! Not that that’s bad but it often seems to be limited to two tickets.

I can kind of see both sides of this tbh - it’s probably not exceptional, just a nice thing. But I can see why you might decide you don’t care about the decision and take them anyway.

I would have loved to attend a graduation ceremony at 13 and I do think it's inspiring!

I still remember a family holiday to Edinburgh for a week for a cousin's wedding when I was six. It was the only holiday I ever had with my brother who died young and my grandmother, as we had a family farm and never got to go away as a whole family. My Dad had to stay home that time. I'm in Ireland and the school didn't bat an eyelid.

I think it should have been approved too OP. I took my child out of school for one day for a family celebration similar but not graduation and it was approved so I don't know what the criteria are.

I do think it’s up to the headteacher / potentially the academy if it is one. Obviously give him the day off anyway, just say he’s sick.

I suspect the problem is that in England we have so many people who would take the piss and have days off for everything and nothing (I mean theme park days for non SEN children for example!) so they have to keep to a hard line.

Possibly people in Celtic countries are more responsible?

That seems mean.
My guess the local Authority sets the rules?
We have a rule where if a student messages their parent to collect them, saying they are sick, that is unauthorised. They know the rules, but do their own thing anyway.
A graduation is special, so go and enjoy the day as a family.

You are probably not being unreasonable, but in my experience graduation ceremonies are extremely tedious - so much so that I didn't even bother to attend my own. Goodness, my mother was enraged!

I have graduated 3 times, twice undergrad, once post-grad before which no one in my family had ever even been to sixth form. My parents and maternal grandparents came to the first, my brother wasn't even a consideration tbh. Subsequent graduations I have either been with friends/peers (2nd undegrad linked to work) or my Master's DH came and we made a nice weekend of it.

Bluntly, these days it isn't exceptional to graduate, 50% of young people do it. Also this isn't even the first graduation in your family, given your elder daughter came to yours.
By all means take her but it doesn't fit the criteria set out in legislation to be approved, and it doesn't really even fit the general definition of exceptional

I don't get the angst!

I wouldn't have asked, I'd just have emailed to say DD won't be in this friday, we're off to celebrate her sister's graduation.

It’s not one rule for one and another for everyone else. Deciding on a case-by-case basis would take up too much valuable time.

Sorry they didn’t see your eldest’s graduation as the song and dance you do, but don’t take it personally just remember it and know in future that it will always be a flat no unless its requested leave to travel to see a very sick relative or there has been a death.

Bit weird for a sibling to go to a graduation in my opinion, but then if it’s far away and you’re all going, and there’d be no one home….
it is hugely dull though.

but yes next time just tell them, of course they can’t authorise for that, but it doesn’t matter that it’s unauthorised, you’re over thinking it.

Ha! I couldn't manage to get my English husband to move back home so when we had children, I decided to home educate them. This shitty English school nonsense was the main reason behind that decision. We've never regretted it.

Just take your daughter to the graduation. I hope you manage to get more than two tickets to the ceremony and will be in a position to do so.

Your need for validation from the school is a big concerning though.

It’s really, really boring. The second time I had one I didn’t even invite anyone so no one had to sit through that dire day. I went to both my daughters’ graduations as a proud mum but they were just as bad as mine. Don’t waste a day off school. It’s tedious in the extreme.

I will never forgive my parents for leaving that same Irish soil.
I got refused a leave request (Was working in the NHS) for my son's graduation. I handed my notice in on the spot.

I couldn’t imagine myself living in Ireland and having the audacity to say ‘This shitty Irish school nonsense’

All my family are Irish btw, although I was brought up in England. I’d find it rather rude if they lived here and said that.

This is an important family event, of course you must all go. Tell the school you have to travel to the event and DS13 can’t stay on his own.

I think a 13 year old will be bored at a graduation. They can go on for a long time with the speeches being boring. I’m sure he’d have a better time at school with his friends.

Her younger child's education IS visiting a University and seeing the graduates!!!

I have never been so inspired as to see hundreds of young adults being awarded for their application to study.

It is ridiculous for a secondary school to be so short sighted as to refuse to see a child attending a graduation as anything but educational.

YANBU

Of course they decide on a case by case basis, why would there be the ability to request and detail the reason and then wait for a decision if thats not the case?

My old place of work (a Scottish secondary) would have been delighted for a pupil to attend a sibling's graduation. The SLT would have agreed with the OP that it's an important milestone.