Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

[Oldgalgames]

I recently applied to my DD13's school for 1 days absence to attend her sisters graduation (DD22) in November which has been declined as its not deemed an 'exceptional circumstance'. My DD13 had 98% attendance last year, was off for the flu last November which has been her only absence, is in top sets for all STEM subects. I know we wont get a fine, and we will be attending as a family anyway, its more the principle as I do truely believe this is of course an exceptional circumstance. A sibling's university graduation happens once or twice in a lifetime, it’s an important family milestone and incredibly inspiring for a 13 year-old to witness. I should add this is the first ever request I have submitted to school for an absence!

I am being unreasonable, school are right to decline this request as its not an exceptional circumstance

I am not being unreasonable it is an exceptional circumstance

We applied to the school for my husband’s master graduation and they said they would give it to the head to consider. If it was granted then good obviously but they said if it wasn’t then he would just be unauthorised absence for the day. There is a lot of pressure on schools not to authorise absences but they did for us on this occasion.

It was a few years ago now, but my two dc's attended my graduation ( masters). One of them was at secondary , one at primary and both schools authorised the absence.

@Oldgalgames Have you asked if the 13 year old wants to attend? I would have hated going to a graduation ceremony at 13- they are dull enough to support as an adult. Why can't she just celebrate in the evening with the family?

I wouldn't expect a sibling graduation to count as an exception circumstance and I strongly doubt any 13 year old is going to find it inspiring!

I think you're fine to decide to take her anyway, though. It's pretty much the same as any other day out I'd say.

The system around attendance and other petty rules in England is completely bonkers.

You know your child is doing well in school. Just take her out for the day to the graduation and let her be marked absent.

It’s really no big deal.

What do you mean you applied for absence? You don't need their permission to take your child to a graduation. What does it matter if your child has a day marked as an authorised absence?

Sure inform them before hand to be polite but it's not application and no one needs to lie about anything

I can’t imagine a younger sibling finding a graduation ceremony ‘inspiring’ - they’re really boring. My parents didn’t even go to mine as they thought it was too far to travel. 😆 Our son recently got his master’s and he didn’t even bother with that gradation ceremony.

We were only given 2 tickets for our kids’ graduations, so siblings couldn’t have gone even if they’d wanted to.

The school aren't allowed to authorise it.
That's OK. You acknowledge that it's not authorised, and you go anyway because the school failing to authorise it does not actually stop you from making the decision that is best for your family.
They can't make up new rules for you.

It’s not an exceptional circumstance and they are pretty dull affairs. By all means take your dc but exceptional circumstances are things like serious illness or bereavement not twiddling you fingers waiting for a 10 second reading of the name

I’m fairly certain my sister didn’t attend mine, I didn’t even attend my own second one. Getting a degree is of course a superb achievement, the actual ceremony is just a formality isn’t it?

I honestly expected the same sort of response! My daughter who is graduating in November was authorised to attend my master graduation when she was a highschool, and she felt very inspired! Everyone who is saying its the policy/rules - is not, they have discretion to authorise

Having been to both my DDs graduations and attended two of my own, all I can say is it’s as boring as anything! Watching a million students walking across a stage for 5 seconds isn’t at all inspiring!
That being said, you don’t need permission to take your DD out of school for a day - that’s not what you’re asking school for. You’re asking for the absence to be authorised. You’ve been told it won’t be. That’s it, it’s hardly the end of the world.

I don't understand the drama. Just take your daughter to the graduation. Who gives a shit whether it's authorised or unauthorised? That's just a mark in database you will never have access to. It doesn't matter.

Not the point of the thread but I wish I hadn't even gone to mine, it was so dull. But I was a mature student and my parents were so thrilled I felt like I had to. I don't know why they're a thing that needs an audience.

But anyway, YANBU to think it should be granted, but with the pressure on schools in reality YABU to expect them to authorise much at all.

Why would you lie, it's totally unnecessary and a bit stupid imo, hey let's go and be inspired by a graduation but also let's lie to our current educational establishment about it.

Yes my DD13 wants to attend, she is really looking forward to it! We are an academic family so its important to us to be there to celebrate her sisters achievement. What a shame so many people think its boring!

Watching streams of people you don't know walk across a stage while waiting for the one person you do know is pretty boring even when you're the person graduating imo

Schools really don’t have the discretion anymore.
I say this as a school governor and someone who accepted the unauthorised absence so my son could attend my PhD graduation.

Have you thought to go through the schools complaints procedure? Your argument here is very articulate and compelling - maybe there needs to be push back on this daft decision?

The rules are super strict from what i understand and there’s nothing that unique about a sibling graduating. Of course you should go if everyone wants to (I skipped mine and my brother certainly didn’t attend - I didn’t attend any of his either. My parents both got their masters when I was maybe 10/12 and no one went to any of those either so maybe we just aren’t a family who is into these things!)

I work at a university and families get 2 tickets. I never see children around, it’s usually parents or maybe a grandparent or aunt or something if there aren’t two parents.

But it doesn’t matter if the absence is called whatever, it won’t affect anything. They’ll know your child won’t be in school, it will be unauthorised and everything will be fine.

That’s exactly why I didn’t bother with my second! What a total waste of a day!

Was about to say this. Didn’t occur to me to invite my sister to my graduation recently.

Graduation ceremonies really aren’t inspiring, they are as boring as fuck, nor are they necessarily once in a lifetime events by any means, we are a family of six and have had 15 degree ceremonies so far between us.

Agree with the school tbh. They can’t allow certain things and not others and finding that line, with very limited definition is hard. They don’t have time to think it over in detail. They have a hard line answer because they have to otherwise it gets too complicated. You could have called in sick, who would have known or cared.

I agree OP. A graduation is IMO far more significant than a wedding. I think that it’s important for a younger sibling to see and value the benefits of working hard and continuing education.