To think this is unfair? Holiday.

[Chefpig]

I'm going on holiday with another person. Last time we went, they had the much nicer accommodation and mine was very basic. This time, check in is at different times and they're insisting I have the first accommodation we can check in to earlier as I have pets and they think I should settle the pets in, and they have the second. I mentioned the other day that we should look at them both and this time its my choice to choose which I prefer out of the two. We can always go in the first at check in and move my pets easily to the second. This is something she agreed to and is now going back on her word. AIBU to be pissed off at this? I really don't want to go away now.

You both sound painful. I wouldn’t be holidaying with either of you.

Just stop,going on holiday with her. It obviously gives you grief!

Maybe what you'd really like is for your mother to prioritise you this time or at least look out for your interests rather than prioritising her own, given that you have treated with generosity her in the past? If so, I do get that that hurts a bit. Not to minimise that at all because if you do feel that, that is valid but she probably isn't going to change any time soon. Your choice is to put up with her foibles and enjoy it as best you can or do things with her where you won't be hoping quite so much for her to see you.

Edit: Just read another comment where the poster says you sound painful. FWIW, you don't sound painful to me, you sound very human and maybe wanting something from your mother that she isn't able to give you and just being vulnerable and honest about that. TLDR: This most likely isn't about a better caravan but something deeper.

Well put @rosagarten

Have you actually told her you want the caravan with the view?

If you’ve always de facto given her the nicer accommodation/choice of accommodation there’s probably no reason for her to think this trip would be different, she’s not a mind reader.

@rosagartenhas answered this well. It sounds like you hoped that your DM paying would signal a change in the relationship, maybe an acknowledgment that you prioritised her comfort even when you may not have been particularly flush yourself. But to her it’s just BAU except this time she pays.
I suggest if you do go away going forward with her you use this as an opportunity to state that you each just pay for your own, that way you get the accommodation of your choosing.

Do you enjoy this annual holiday? It doesn't sound like it?

Thank you. I'm more with you now. 😊 So she booked it which is how she knows that the 2nd caravan is by far in the nicest location. I think I would tell her that you know why she's so insistent that you go first and that, after last year, it's only fair that you have the nicer place. If the other caravan isn't good enough for her, it's not good enough for you either and she shouldn't have booked it.
What happens next would depend what her response to that is. Only you know if you would rather suck it up in order to have a holiday or whether you should cancel it on a note of principle. Either way, I wouldn't be going on holiday with her next year.

I think you set yourself up for this scenario years ago and it’s ingrained now so difficult to shift. Also it seems clear that you both want the same caravan so not sure why you’re making a big faff around looking at them first or seeing what happens or having your pets in one and then moving them. Just rock paper scissors for it now and show up at check in time for whichever you get. Or pay for an upgrade to one you actually want

I'm afraid yabu. She's paying and can claim the nicer spot if she wants. The fact that you paid for her to have the nice caravan on a previous occasion isn't relevant unless you had an agreement about it.

I wouldn't let it ruin your holiday, you're still getting your accommodation paid for and that's generous of her!

After 15 years of you always paying and her always choosing the best, you’ve picked the first time she pays as the time you choose the best?

Surely the easier thing is just to each pay for your own every year, and get what you want/can afford? Instead of spending disproportionately on one, and then not being able to afford any the next year?

Would she listen when you point out the 2nd caravan sounds much better for dogs? Immediately out to a walk on the path or beach and less intrusive on other caravans (fewer people to see the dog doing its business etc).

Edited to add that I don’t think YABU.

Obv the second one would suit you better with dogs I’d by a beach and not in middle of other caravans

in future book both of you the same saver caravans if you are paying

contact the place and says as arriving together can you both have the same check in time

Honestly it’s a more fool you situation.

Why oh why are you paying constantly to take her away and getting her better accommodation than yourself?

You say she has selfish tendencies but you’re just playing straight into her hands.

People will treat you how you allow them to treat you and if you’re going to continue to treat her like a spoiled child she’ll act like it and continue to take advantage of you.

Surely the van with the most direct access to walks, furthest away from others would be the most suitable for a dog owner. That’s how I’d allocate it. Also, stop going away with someone you struggle to communicate with. I appreciate she’s your mother, but still none of this sounds like fun.

Right, we got there!

Tell her you want to stay in the caravan with the more rural setting as it will be better for the dogs.

If she sulks, let her. So what?

Surely you are actually booked into a particular caravan with the dogs and named people.

Also why on earth are you paying for two pet friendly vans when you only need one paying the dog surcharge on both.

Sounds a nightmare trip every year to me. I wouldn’t be paying for, or going away with, someone who sulks if they don’t get their own way.
As for the set up, personally I think you’d be better off with the quieter caravan with dogs simply so if they’re barking etc they’re not disturbing other people in the vans nearby.

I think it might be time to knock this annual ‘holiday’ on the head.
As it stands for this year though, I know your mum has paid this time but I’d be saying I’d really like the better situated caravan because it will be better for the dogs and less disruptive to other people around.

You paid for her for 15 years and stayed in lower standard caravans yourself for financial reasons, and your DM accepted that?

Understandable you’re resentful. Seems a case of giving to your DM and partner more than you really wanted to, for a long time.

It was sadly unrealistic, given the background, to believe her initial offer of giving you the choice of caravan.

On this specific occasion she’s paying so gets first choice. (Unfair as it is given the background). If you’d like a holiday you’ll still be near the beach, wildlife and things and can try to enjoy it.

Can you tell her your dogs need the one with better access to beach so you’ll be taking that one?

Please never pay for her holiday again, she’s a selfish twat when it’s supposedly her treat to you for once.

Don’t dance around the issue, just state ‘It feels like you’re insisting on this so you have the better caravan again’.

Your mums paid she gets to choose. I’d be glad I was getting a holiday. We got to static caravan sites so I know the layout and locations can vary massively. Is there no way you can arrive late for the first caravan if that makes sense?

That’s what I thought too. Normally there are set caravans for dogs.